To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/05/16 12:03
Subject: Re: [K-list] Fwd: request
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 2000/05/16 12:03, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
At 09:37 AM 5/16/00 -0700, Mystress Angelique Serpent wrote:
>>Dear Sir/Madam,
>>
>>I have a damaged mind/body from a spontaneous kundalini awakening. I would
>>greatly appreciate any advice or suggestions that may help. An account of
my
>>experience can be found at:
>>http://www.realization.org/page/doc0/doc0053.htm
>>
>>Yours Sincerely,
>>
>>A.D.
Yep, I read it. Sigh.
Thankyou for giving the list members such a classic case of resistance to
Shakti, causing pain. I am sure many will learn from your experience.
You appear to have had many teachers, didn't anybody tell you that the
energy that you kept interfering with, is intelligent? Infinitely intelligent,
Divine Will? That it knows what you need, better than you do? That
resisting it
is a BAD idea? Well, you found out, the hard way.. Goddess have mercy on you!
She does, she led you here.. :)
I have a lot of sympathy for your situation, and I can help you, but
first
I'm gonna give you a spanking!
The imperative of Kundalini is SURRENDER!!! You did not surrender. You
resisted with all of your might. That is what created the situation you are
in,
now. Goddess Shakti didn't do that to you, you did it to yourself, with your
lack of faith.
You wrote:
>>>>> I did realise that I could stop the awakening altogether if I rapidly
and
deliberately moved my body in the split second after the Kundalini woke up
just
before it erupted. This would stifle the energy >>>
Stifling the energy was a really dumb thing to do. You did it, because you
were afraid:
>>>> I finally decided that this was potentially dangerous because the energy
might enter the brain and cause some kind of brain injury.>>>
You did not trust Goddess to take care of you, even tho you had
experiences
of the bliss that occured when you did surrender.
>>> However I wasn't too sure; maybe the energy was meant to "burn" through
this block like the rest of the blocks in the body. >>>>>>>.
YES! That is what it was meant to do, but you would not surrender the
blocks, because you were too afraid. I have sympathy for your fear, when I
went
thru this, I was scared of losing my mind, too..
>>>>One time when the pain became unbearable, it suddenly dissipated in the
strange form of an orgasmic wave of pleasure starting from feet to head.>>>
Endorphins kicked in, that is what happens when you offer gratitude,
instead of resistance. Goddess has it handled.
No psychiatrist or neurologist would understand what has happened to
you, to
put you in the condition that you are in, but I am a Shaman, and I do
understand it, and I can lead you out of it, if you can find the faith, to
follow my instructions.
Mythology is the key, not psychiatry. I don't know how to put it gently, so
I will put it bluntly, and trust you to understand that I am speaking in
metaphor.. metaphor that is your present reality. You are living the
metaphor.
You are in Hades. When the energy broke thru that barrier in your brain, it
broke thru the barrier of your own ego-separation, and that part of you died.
The veil of separation is also the doorway of death. Like in an NDE, death is
the doorway into the Light.
If you had faith to surrender, you would have come out the other side into
Heaven-on-Earth, but you didn't, you panicked and got stuck partway thru the
process... ended up with your consciousness stuck in a Hell of your own
creation. That is what is going on with your physical symptoms:
>
> Decrease of skin's responsiveness to sensitive touch, a slight numbness.
> The body feels dull and sluggish.
> Yoga, Tai Chi, and dancing have lost their appeal.
> No ticklishness in feet, and little in armpits.
> Tendency to develop dark patches under the eyes.
> Face not smooth anymore; tendency to develop small bumps and pimples.
> Loss of even skin tone on face and body.
> Inability to feel hungry or full; lack of appetite.
> Inability to feel thirst.
> Slow transit constipation with major bloating and frequent wind.
> Swollen lips.
> Bad breath.
> Increased fat even though I'm eating much less.
> Depersonalisation and derealisation. The environment constantly seems unreal
> and spaced-out; it feels like being stuck in a dream.
> Sense of time feels awkward. No sense of moving forward or accomplishment,
> even after sleeping. No sense that a new day has arrived when I wake up.
> Inability to feel tiredness, fatigue, or differing energy levels. Just a
> constant flat dull feeling, even when walking, yawning, waking up, or going
> to sleep.
> The body acts like a robot separated from the mind.
> Constant yawning, even after sleep.
> Emotions are less intense.
> Frequent anxious dreams.
You have become a kind of zombie, my friend, dead man walking. Your ego
died
and went to Hades, and your body is a robot waiting for you to return to it.
That is the meaning of your symptoms. Hades is a timeless place.. in the
fields
of Lethe, the flowers never die.
Your body is on autopilot, your consciousness is in Hades.
Stuck in a Hell of your own resistance, and if you read Dante', you will
understand that the only way out of Hell, is to go deeper in, to reach the
portal exit to Heaven, at the center, with faith, love and forgiveness as your
only allies. When you do, you will be reborn, as Spirit having a human
experience. You will attain the enlightenment that was your goal when you
started on this Yogic path.
You entered chapel Perilous, and the reflective mirrors of your own fears,
your lack of faith trapped you there. There is a path out, and the path is
expressed best in the 23rd Psalm. "Yea, tho I walk thru the valley of the
shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me." Faith.
I used to do the Ego Death ritual quite often, but it is powerful, and
dangerous. So dangerous, that I do not teach it, and rarely speak of it, lest
someone end up like you have. In ancient Greece, it was a death penalty,
for an
initiate of the Elysian Mysteries to speak of them, to a non-initiate. The
ritual I do, is a modern version of those Mysteries... and initiates are
requested to keep silence.
It is not dangerous for you, because the danger that is the reason why I
keep it secret, is the possibility of someone ending up in the situation that
you are presently experiencing.
On this list, are many whom I led thru the process, but in the end I
realized that Death belongs to Goddess.
I do not do it anymore, except in cases like yours: when Goddess has started
the process and the fears of the individual has created blockages to cause
them
to be stuck there. In the twilight zone of the timeless underworld, stuck
between ego-death and rebirth.
There is an expression, "better to be a slave in Heaven than to be King of
Hell". Normally I am a slave in Heaven, blissing out at the feet of Goddess,
except when She thumps me on the head and bids me to go be King of Hell, and
lead a lost traveller out, to their place at Her feet.
I can only do it, if you let me. Free Will is Goddess law, and you will need
to trust me, and trust Goddess/spirit/Buddha-nature inside of yourself, more
than you ever have, before. The process usually takes 3 days to a week to
complete, as Goddess wills, and some hand holding afterwards, to help you
adjust to being reborn. We will do this off-list.
Those who have been there with me, can write to you privately, to reassure
you that I can be trusted... but hopefully, you won't need that kind of
reassurance. Most important is for you to check inside of yourself, to
know if
you feel you can trust me. Without your trust, I can do nothing. I can only
lead, if you choose to follow.
If you choose to follow, then it is best that we do this on a weekend, or
during a holiday.. some time when you can give it your full attention, without
external demands of school or work distracting you. Let me know.
Blessings!
The dreamer, seeks to run from fear.. but that is as useless as trying to
outrun your shadow.
The Litany against Fear, from "Dune":
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain." ~Frank Herbert.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
/3993/5/_/680797/_/958503979/
------------------------------------------------------------------------
DISCLAIMER!
Home | Archive Index | Search the archives | Subscribe
K. List FAQ | Kundalini FAQs | Signs and Symptoms | Awakening Experiences | K. list Polls | Member Essays | Meditations | List Topics | Art Gallery | Cybrary | Sitemap | Email the moderators.
symbol.