To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/05/01 12:40
Subject: Re: [K-list] lou's comments to elizabeth's intro-become that lo
From: Belle Vita

lou wrote:
 > More generally on K, it is true that FEAR is high
> when juice starts flowing.
> Also, impending doom and a deep loneliness and
> feelings of sadness. Leads
> one to try and numb it which many times leads to
> drugs and alcohol if one
> doesn't know what is going on. You think you are
> just going mad. and you
> need reassurance to know IT WILL STOP and it WILL GO
> AWAY and get BETTER. It
> is the process of the washing that hurts so bad.
> This factor may need more
> mentioning for those with K rising starting.

lou, this does help me see differently. over the past
three or four years, i experienced fear, sadness,
then anger. till i read this, i never percieved that
the loneliness was also being cleansed, just like the
sadness, just like the anger, makes sense now.

the fear used to wake me up at night, heart pounding,
couldnt breathe. after about 6 months, i went into it,
all around my heart, and floated in grey nothing-ness
for a while. i told myself, hey, i've been afraid of
nothing! and then it was funny to me, then i realized
that it was not-knowing that was bothering me.

then the sadness, geez, for long past a year, i cried
and cried. how lovely that i have this job, where i
could shut the door and experience my life and still
get paid.

then the anger; all i can say is blessings to the guy
who saw me through all that.......

and now loneliness. seems so little compared to all
that came before it, and yet, it strikes a deep chord
as well.

glad to know its part of the process. appreciate your
taking the time to write,
eliz

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