To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/04/30 21:07
Subject: [K-list] elizabeth's intro
From: eliz austin
On 2000/04/30 21:07, eliz austin posted thus to the K-list:
Hi to everyone on the list. Here is my intro, my name is Elizabeth
and I believe my kundalini is active; fully awakened, I'm not
sure.
It feels comforting to read about other people's similar
experiences.
This June it will be a year ago, I experienced a couple of days that
kept me home from work and away from my family. It was like I was
feeling every energetic experience I've ever had, all at the same
time, with incredible intensity. Except for cold, there was no cold;
plenty of heat though……and this continues to happen now,
whenever.
I'm happy to report that although the experience remains intense,
I
can manage to go to work, be with the kids, whatever. I asked for
this to be gentle and whatever happens, for my kids to be taken care
of, as I am a single mom. Otherwise, I surrender best I can, given
the situation.
A couple years before that, I left our local Tantra group and I was
full of questions. Mostly I was wondering what the big picture was,
and why activiate kundalini and what does it mean? So of course, I
got on the internet and discovered Dan Winter's site.
I have spent some time now, interacting with the information Dan puts
up. Even from the beginning, when it made absoloutely no sense at
all, I got the feeling to stay with it. I see my life experience in
between the lines—in between the fractals, and the waves, and the
ratios and diagrams—my life experience is there. Not only that,
the
synchronicity with which particular topics are posted………is fun!
For example, some stuff Dan put up at the end of last week:
<The "EL"-'Crossing Over'THOSE WHO COULD MAKE THE PHASE SHIFT -
PASSION in the Reptilian Gene Reptilian Gene, Date: Thu, 27 Apr 2000
13:58:36 –0400>
I am cutting and pasting little bits here and there that I relate to,
but I included the date of his post, if you want to go back and read
it in complete context.
<This re-affirms the critical nature of the PERSONAL need to be able
to indivdually excite BLISS in your own genes for yourself. Group
ritual can be the beginning but not the END of getting DNA into
Stars.>
Even though I got a lot of "stuff" from the
"teacher/guru/guy" I knew
it was time for me to leave our local Tantra group and be able to
bliss on my own. And even a year later when I called him in a panic,
cause I didn't understand what was happening to me and he said,
"I
told you so, your energy was ready to go, that you needed to be here,
but you thought I was marketing you" even then; alone with this k
experience, I knew I made the right decision to leave the group. I
don't get the star part yet, though…. Although I had a lover
in that
time, and saw stars on the outside, instead of on the
inside….whatever that was, I don't know…
<While the direct cell feeding bliss juice urge.. is satisfied by the
kundalini bliss,(better than conventional orgasm). the fundamental
need for Tantric communion versus lonliness may get only stronger..>
All the Tantra stuff I did, there was never a partner for me, it was
either my own energy, by myself, or group energy. I got more and more
blissed out and more and more depressed, at the same time. My
situation seems so hopeless for any kind of budding
romance—single
mom, two teenage boys; between my spiritual practice and my family
and work, (and my office mates, who check out my lunch dates) I'm
a
package deal. What a package! What a crazy, mysterious, intriguing,
never a dull moment, package…..
And the weirder my internal life/awareness/consciousness experience
gets, the more I feel the pool of available men shrinking. Its so
small, I wonder if my only hope is if it starts raining men (like
that song, by the weather girls, remember?? Its raining men,
Hallelujah, its raining men, amen)i have a long time thing with
clouds, too....
So, I keep listening and decide to answer this personal ad. And in
the course of our conversation, my new friend tells me he is dealing
with loneliness real bad, make it or break it situation. And when I
share my feelings my response is so "spiritual", I go on and
on about
bliss and feeling connected, and accepting how things are.
Then I see Dans words, above, telling me something……
And I called my friend and told him that what I said about bliss was
true and also that what I said was incomplete, that I feel lonely
too, but I didn't want to acknowledge that. So much pain, anger
and
sorrow feelings in the past few years, at first, I didn't want to
go
there again. And I still don't quite get it, how I can feel
such
bliss, and be lonely, but its true.
Being with my kids is more fun than ever, when I join the teens in
the basement, I can feel their group thing going on…its fun to
laugh
with them, watch the aquariums…my young son and I are
communicating
better than ever. I love walking outside for long long times,
communing with my favorite dogwood trees; feeling the tingle that
tells me rain is coming soon, feeling all trippy, laughing when the
raindrops kiss my face…this year I heard songs with the forsythia
blooming all yellow gold…..and still I feel lonely. Oh well.
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
<The Sufi saying "From Length (origin of feeling separate) is LONGING
Born". If you couldn't feel separate -YOU COULD NOT YEARN. (And this
is the juice to take you thru the Sun). Once that yearning to re-
embed in the star fires gets charged, ... Start birth from DNA making
Gravity (charge implosion) is immanent.>
now this one, I want to be with a while; and yet I would like to note
that I spent the better part of year trying to explain to my
accupuncturist that I was feeling longer. He kept asking me if I
meant taller, and all I could say was, not taller,
longer……………this is
a bit confusing, cause at the same time, I noticed my awareness was
living in an area not limited to my body…bigger somehow too. And
that
feeling wasn't necessarily a separate kind of
feeling…………….
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
<This skill to have genetic and gland magnetics refined (arranged in
the discipline of embedability) enough to sustain this "worm-holing",
entitled certain beings to be called EL, as in EL-ohim. And MICH-a-
EL. etc...>
and El-izabeth??
My middle name is rose. I wonder what that means? I heard somewhere
that roses have the highest vibration on the planet……(smile) and
my
grandmothers name was rose elizabeth...interesting to me....
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
<Now - if you had identified (eye-DENT-eye-PHIed) yourself with light
going in a circle, this puts you at a wave NODE - called matter.
To 'get up off the cross and follow me' you would need the 'yellow
brick road' (golden spiral) to carry YOU as wave pattern FROM THE
CIRCLE BACK TO THE LINE. - 'translate your vorticity non-
destructively'..>
there was a popular song on the alternative rock station that fired
me up at the time…I forget the group now, a band from texas
maybe,
but the words sing of leaving in the morning, being on the road, path
of yellow gold, never get hungry, never get cold, like that.
My life has been full of wandering and my best friend always says,
liz! Everything always falls right into your lap! Despite the trauma
and difficulties, me and my boys are always taken care of……like
last
year, being evicted, next thing yu know, in a record 15 days, I'm
buying a house. Everything just fell into place. (a year before the
mortgage guy wouldnt even call me back my credit was so poor..)No one
around me ever heard of such a happenin. (I had to surrender to this
one too—last thing I wanted was a house in the suburbs)
Then, couple months later when the tercel dies, my dream car, a
little red civic coupe shows up on the second phone call (I refused
to spend months of agony pouring over newspapers and talking to car
salesman). Of course, my bank account is overdrawn the day I pick the
car up, and everything works fine (except i had to pay overdraft
charges) and has ever since. its almost like we are living on
something other than actual money.....
…..so much of the time, everything goes in our favor, or much
much
better…when I allow it.
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
enough for now, happy to join you all,
elizabeth
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