To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/04/19 06:10
Subject: Re: [K-list] Re: Kundalini Questions not answerable by FAQ
From: Spikyjag
On 2000/04/19 06:10, Spikyjag posted thus to the K-list:
Better go get you something to drink before going any further, this is a long
one... :) I've got the urge to throw everything open and shed it....
<< There is a chinese curse that goes, "May you clear all of your karma
by
next week and become enlightened".. it is a curse because most people would
not
survive all of their karma coming up in a week.>>
That's a cruel one...sheesh...*shakes head*
<< if you
bring
up too much stuff all at once you will become unbalanced. Trying to rush the
process can land you in your worst nightmare. >>
*whistles, looks around* Yeah, might as well admit it...rushing the process
is a bad idea, as is stuffing it back because you need a little more time.
I've done both in my life. I stuffed K back for 6 years, knowing hell was
about to break loose, but not having the slightest clue as to the extent of
the hell that was about to come exploding forth. K will outwit you every
time...it might not today, but there will come a point where its teeth meet
your rear, and she doesn't let go. I suffered from excruciating "migraines"
the whole time I was fighting it, spending days curled up in bed in a fetal
position, crying and begging for it to stop. There was no medical
reason...one of the tests showed I had a hunger for glucose in my frontal
lobes unlike anything they'd ever seen, so they just labelled them
"non-classical migraines" and doped me up...but the painkillers did nothing.
Every time I would beg for them to end, a small voice would ask that I accept
them, but I always said no. I had no clue of anything...
<< Wanting, creates experiences of wanting.>>
Yes, this I learned the hard way recently. But you know me well enough to
know that I have yet to learn anything the easy way. But I also remembered
that one has to stick to one's one guidance, even if something seems really
beautiful...a harder lesson in "take what works...". So right now I'm in a
realm of non-paradoxical paradoxes...
<< Know nothing, be everything. >>
This is the hard one for me...I have such an innate curiosity of how things
work that it is hard to just be. I haven't really figured out how to sustain
it...it comes and goes, I don't realize I've chosen to know again until I get
all out of whack. ? I think I'm going out to Emerald tonight, to meditate on
this one, and what has been going on in my head...I can't sleep in this
house, much less trance...
<< The changes in consciousness cannot be described in words, they can
only be
experienced. Trying to describe them, comes out sounding like "What is the
sound of one hand clapping".>>
So THAT'S why no one understands me...lol ;) Sorry, I really am feeling much
better tonight. :)
<< Those who are awakened are divided on whether it is a great blessing
or a
terrible curse.. their opinion, mostly depends on how smooth their awakening
is.. and everyone who becomes awakened, spends some time feeling like it is a
curse. >>
To me, if I am balanced, it is a gift that comes with a price...if I am
unbalanced, it is hell on earth....
<< These questions come, of not understanding the process. If you ae
meant to
be awakened, then you will be awakened, and it really doesn't matter what you
do. Most folks awaken spontaneously, "accidentally", but where Shakti is
concerned, there are no accidents. >>
The closest I ever came to any sort of formal thing was your grounding page,
and conversations with you, but that was after I self-destructed...more on
that bit a little further down.
<< The FAQ spells it out pretty clearly, you don't want to hear it. It
states
that if you are looking to be healthy, wealthy and wise, then Kundalini
yoga is
not the path. If you want to surrender yourself utterly to Divine Will,
then it
is right for you.>>
I keep telling myself there was a very good reason I chose the latter before
making the trip this time around...*g*
<< You name artistic creativity as a positive side effect, without
realizing
that any good artist, is a slave to their "muse".. they speak of being the
vessel of the art, a tool the art uses to manifest. Someone does not
become an
artist, because they want to, they only become an artist, if they are
possesed
by their art and have no other option. >>
I have to agree. I don't sell my art, I have this absolutely crazy
possession over it...each piece is a frozen piece of me at certain times.
They are drawn through the third eye, and occasionally the crown. When I
feel the pull to create, I cannot control it; it becomes obsession and the
foremost thing in my life...I spend hours on the tiniest parts of it to make
the paper image precisely the image I'm seeing. My husband loves them...says
they shock him, but gently... They pull me into altered states, along with
those receptive...
I've just gotten seriously into computer graphics (I've been piddling for a
while) as the muse has been calling in that direction, and pulling me into
graphics business, feeding me so much work I hardly have time to build the
site I'm seeing in my eye. It's my current obsession, and I've been running
20 hour days just off of the need to get the graphics in line with my
eye...the coding is the simple part. I actually sat down and cried when my
hard drive died on me suddenly and I lost three days worth of work that was
actually beginning to shape into what I was seeing. Now I'm trying to find
that exact color again so I can start all over.
When I was very young, I kept dreaming of a serpent larger than
skyscrapers...it was slithering on top of cities and breathing fire, causing
destruction everywhere it went. But behind it was beautiful gardens where
there should have been charred remains. A voice was whispering that when I
could draw it I would be free, but when I could paint it properly, I would be
truly free. I have drawn it, but still balk every time I pick up a brush to
paint the serpent.
<< Many folks are unable to work, after awakening, the side effects of
emotional sentitivity and kriyas make them unable to hold onto their jobs.
Some
folks get illnesses like CFS, chemical sesitivities, etc. I suggest, before
you
pursue this path any further, that you join the list, and ask how many people
suffer from being unable to work due to hypersensitivity or illness as a
result
of their awakening, how many have been diagnosed as mentally ill, how many
have
had marriages and relationships crumble, and feel alienated from mainstream
society.>>
I'll give my info...I'm 20 years old. I made a 31 on my ACT in high school,
tested IQ at 170, graduated with above a 4.0GPA and life was going
hunky-dory...I was the one who made people sick. I was the one who was going
to become a neurosurgeon and had all these big plans.....
I can't work a normal job...I don't have the patience or the attention span.
I can't stay awake when sleep calls me to process, and can't sleep without
that call. I keep irregular hours because of this. If I start seeing an art
project I can't think of anything but it... I can't stand to be around any
type of chemical or cigarette smoke...my body completely rebells and I end up
in bed or throwing up. The increase in my ability to smell things has been a
curse in this regard... My body has gotten extremely sensitive as to how it
reacts to the food that gets put in it, and is vocal in its own way about
what I put in it and what it wants. Right now I'm trying to give it enough
iron...
<< There is one phase of K. where many folks become suicidal, for heaven's
sake! Death comes courting, like a lover.. It is metpahorical for ego-death,
but those who don't know that can end up like the idiots of the "Heaven's
Gate" cult.. not clear on the concept, and taking the metapahor literally..
>>
It's been courting me for years...I did try it, before I understood what
happened...didn't work, but I now understand the siren's call so to
speak...I'm just not sure of what to do with it.
Kimberly
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