To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/04/17 14:32
Subject: Re: [K-list] Forwarded: Madness poll
From: Druout
On 2000/04/17 14:32, Druout posted thus to the K-list:
Forwarded with permission:
<< << A lot could probably be said about madness and kundalini - I find that
there are many different layers of what might appear to be insanity that can
be directly related to the awakening of shakti. It seems equally true that
eventually kundalini also seems to remove "madness" and restore mental and
psychological balance, so, in the end, it's perhaps difficult to assert that
kundalini is really the cause of madness.
(Ok, ultimately one can of course reach the conclusion that kundalini is
actually the source and ultimate cause of all and everything that is- but
that's another story...)
One could probably also say that if "madness" is experienced, it was there,
lurking somewhere within the psyche all along and shakti only pulled it up to
the surface, amplified it so that it could be experienced consciously and
then be overcome.
The first questioning of my sanity for me was after initial experiences of
altered states - what was real, the "normal" state or the altered state, why
didn't others experience stuff I did, etc. etc.
After kundalini awoke for real and the subtle energy system seemed to
somehow close down as a protective measure, was when I really developed
symptoms that could be qualified as pathological. There was an oppressive
sense of doom and alienation coupled with absolute depression and a total
inability to concentrate on reading for example. Really horrible that...
If the chakras represent different aspects of consciousness and these
aspects are suddenly greatly restricted, then it's obvious that some nasty
and highly unpleasant states will occur.
For me one of the worst aspects was to sense that something was very wrong
but not finding anybody (I consulted doctors, psychologists and
psychiatrists) willing and able to diagnose and offer constructive help.
Drugs didn't work and it really became a question of accepting the situation,
gritting my teeth and being determined to somehow see myself through the
whole mess I was in or, alternatively throw myself in front of a train. But
there was no question about it there was something definitely very out of
balance, a tentative diagnosis was that of acute psychotic depression, but it
didn't really fit the standard clinical description of that state.
An interesting side to my particular frame of mind, and others who've
experienced mental problems with kundalini awakening have also mentioned
this, was that although the mind goes haywire, the witnessing faculty within
seemed to immediately become active, i.e I was somehow experienceing all this
unpleasantness without really being wholly identified with it. Later on this
witnessing of consciousness and the contents of consciousness became much
stronger and has been the foundation for whatever higher states I've
experienced since.
Another layer of madness seems to be at the point, where kundalini is
recognized and experienced as the driving force in the psyche - there's
something of a split personality thing happening, when the ego doesn't quite
want to surrender it's supremacy. I.e the mind desperately clings to concepts
linked to the personality (such as social status ) while the shakti seems to
be saying "I built the personality and now I'm going to destroy it so that
the real identity can happen "
Then there's been the exaggerated euphoria and elation with thoughts such
as "maybe I'm the new Buddha" and other silly stuff like that. Luckily life
saw to it that I never got really caught up in those thought patterns,
usually by putting me into some type of social situation where I'd clearly
see that I definitely was NOT the new Buddha ... :))
But clinically that would still be called religious delusion
Hmmm. reading what I just wrote, I laughingly ask myself whether, in
reality I might not still be stark raving mad :)))
But then on the other hand, being "normal" seems even crazier ...:))
And luckily, I was never hospitalized. It seems to be important, if the
kundalini awakens and there are psychological symptoms, to find confidence
within oneself and the trust that things will eventually be alright. I'd say
that hospitalization with a label of pathology would probably undermine this
to some degree.
Time and patience is really what's needed and once the "I" has been able to
rid itself of some of the erroneous ideas relating to death, the importance
of the ego, identitiy with the mind and stuff like that, everything becomes a
little bit easier ...
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