To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/03/29 10:18
Subject: Re: [K-list] Quixotic Frauds
From: Robert Weil
On 2000/03/29 10:18, Robert Weil posted thus to the K-list:
From: Robert Weil <Robert_WeilATnospamscientia.com>
At 18:36 28/03/00 -0800, you wrote:
>From: "Wim Borsboom" <aurasphereATnospamhome.com>
>
>Someone wrote:
>> Just another fraud guru, that's all.
>
>Did anybody ever think about the possibility that the followers of a guru
>might be the frauds?
Hi Wim,
Right.
That made me check out my involvement in a cult those years ago, and I
admit I was dreaming bigtime, driven by spiritual need. I wanted SO MUCH to
believe that a) there was a unifying system and b) that the one I was in
was it. And they sold that one to me as such, and I bought it.
Full marks for enthusiasm and fervour. Null points for style, originality
or horse sense. I wanted to find the glorious thing that came and stole my
old sad world away for a while, and they said they knew what it was about
and what to do. I hadn't had a second revelation, didn't have anything to
triangulate my own awarness of truth, and I went for it like boy on his
first hot date.
And the feeling of belonging was a major deal too. I too could be one of
those "special" ppl who was doing it right! Oh wow! I wasn't such a loser
after all! I knew stuff those others out there didn't know, hehe, I was on
the fast track...
>Could it be that, unless one is truly at the end of one's rope, that one
>looks up to that which represents one's sickness to the utmost?
I reckon it could feed your own "tendencies", as Tony puts it. If you want
to deny a fear or desire, there's a group that will help you hide it. If
you want to fly the flag of a belief, then there's another one just down
the street.
>Somewhat like the way hypochondriac or neurotic patients put their doctors
>or therapists AND their own dis-eases on a pedestal.
>Could it be that the "as yet unenlightened" (hehehe) live under the
>fraudulent light of their own illusions?
One of the things said to us by Leo while I was in the Emin still has a
ring of truth: We are not in darkness, looking to the Light, we are in
Light, looking at "darkness". And of course we all nodded, understanding
the deepness of it, but still went home and worried about the our hairstyle
(coz hair is our cosmic antennae...:), or protected our cars with blue
psychic shields, like we'd been taught.
>
>When you are truly at the end of your rope you start looking for support,
>unadulterated reality.... not for an illusionist...
I would watch Leo trying sometimes bluntly and even rudely to knock down
all the solid middle-class western (anything) attitudes, and get ppl to be
themselves, in their full gory glory. Yeah, right, like they had nothing to
lose in front of a mass of similarly-inclined followers, with all that
holier-than-thou BS floating about, and the inevitable spiritual egos
stalking us every step. Not to mention the levels...
I had respect for him as an individual, until he became dictatorial to an
organisation that was not yet aligned in themselves. At that point it was
evident that the search for truth was taking second place to the need for
conformity. I baulked, partly coz I wouldn't accept the discipline, partly
coz I got a bad gut feeling.
And I realised I was immensely frustrated, blocked and more hungry than I
was two years previous. That's when the asker appeared, and I found reason
to think for myself. She was just a person you'd have passed on the street,
assuming you thought as I did then.
>And when reaching that reality you don't even fight the illusion and the
>illusionist anymore... them 'quixotic' windmills.
Even after a nervous breakdown (-through, whatever), I still wanted to
cling to something reassuring. The intensity of staying tuned into the
moment's truth was exhausting to my shocked, scared mind. I had the
concepts, oh yes, but the real thing was just standing there, seemingly
laughing. And forever deeper and more boundless than I could get my head
around.
And some of the truths were scary in themselves. No guarantees, no ultimate
jackpot even. Just here and now, as best I could manage it. Anything else
was a bonus. What a prize, just to walk down the street.
>
Love
Rob
>Love,
>Wim
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