To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/03/25 15:36
Subject: Re: [K-list] Voices and halos poll (long msg.)
From: Big Brother
On 2000/03/25 15:36, Big Brother posted thus to the K-list:
From: "Big Brother" <h2jacksonATnospamprodigy.net>
----- Original Message -----
From: <druoutATnospamaol.com>
To: <Kundalini-GatewayATnospamonelist.com>
Sent: Tuesday, March 21, 2000 7:06 PM
Subject: Re: [K-list] Voices and halos poll
> It's so quiet, I thought I'd do a quickie poll. BTW, only two people
> answered the Awakening "poll" --one on and one off list. I don't know
if
> everyone is out enjoying some fabulous spring weather or if everyone
is
> simply shy. :)).
Hmmmm. . . I haven't read any downloaded e-mail for the last two weeks,
due to others at home tying up the line. If that wasn't enough, I had
final exams this week as well as projects to complete for those classes.
And prepare for a post-undergraduate job.
Maybe I'll enjoy whatever weather shows up after I graduate at the end
of the year. In the meantime, I'll take a few minutes to participate:
> Questions:
>
> 1. Do you feel the "voices" we sometimes "hear" come from within the
brain
> or from an outside spiritual source.
Sounds like a trick question. I used to think it was from an outside
source. The "doc" I saw in therapy a few years ago says it's in the
brain. Meaning, the brain is doing all the work. Now, I'm thinking
that the brain is the receiver for all sorts of stuff, so it depends on
what the voice *is*. Sometimes it may very well be my imagination,
sometimes it is from outside. But I'll never be able to discern the
two; I've had serious difficulties in doing so in the past and have
given up trying. If I knew how to discern, I could actually show
psychic ability. But none of that was meant to be.
> 2. Do you think that K has made you a better person?
What do you mean by better person? Let's see. . . personality-wise, I
don't think I've changed much (unless someone saw something in me that I
didn't). Want to know something interesting, though? From high school
'til almost three years ago, I'd get "okey" grades in classes. A lot of
reading, a lot of studying, but just couldn't seem to remember much of
what I've read without re-reading. It took effort. And for about two,
maybe three years, the doc had me take stuff to get rid of the "voices".
Unfortunately, it did more harm than good. People *expect* things to
get better, simply because they view medicine as "miracle pills". That
was one thing that contributed to my emotional downward spiral. Still
couldn't get the grades up. I was too preoccupied with my "problem".
To top it off, I was piling on weight, and 4.5 years ago I was
hospitalized for something else; at that time I came in at 183 pounds!!!
I was taken off the medication gradually, it helped knock off of a few
pounds. Not only that, when I started going back to school, it was
easier for me to study. Now, I could cram two hours before a test and
I'd still "ace" it.
For some reason, these days, there are a couple of things still out of
control. One, which is giving me greater concern, is the "excitement"
in my voice. I'll be in a quiet office, and even a simple "yes" or "no"
could be heard from down the hall. I try to make it look like I'm not
upset or obnoxious or whatever. And, the nighttime episodes are still
going; even though I'm still resolving personal issues.
> 3. Do you think that you have been blessed with K, in part because
you are
> special?
I think of it as a curse. Still, because for me, it doesn't produce any
practical rewards. Yes, I can remember things better, but I'm not going
to be spending the rest of my life in a classroom. I still hear
"voices" but I don't care because I consider them all to be lying ones
(that's how got into therapy to begin with). If I ever can predict
something going on in the future, or if I could do healing (for me or
others), it may change how I see things.
And in a world where celebrity status and the cultural elite are
important, I don't see myself as special. Nor do I want it that way.
> Answer any one or all three :)) Thanks in advance.
Anytime. =-)
- Hudson
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