To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/01/14 09:39
Subject: Re: [K-list] Really wondering
From: Robert Weil
On 2000/01/14 09:39, Robert Weil posted thus to the K-list:
At 08:14 14/01/00 -0600, you wrote:
>Robert Weil wrote:
>> >Might be a storm in a teacup, does this make any sense to anyone out
>> there? Or shall I book my rest cure in the nice white hotel?
>> >
>> >Rob
>> >
>> >Yes, a LOT. I too have been undergoing some major 'letting go'' very
similar to this you speak of, both of some individuals, and whole groups of
them, whole 'social sets', you might say.
Thank you Jennel, :)
What a relief to get your feedback! I've been going through this for 18
months. It makes much more sense now I see its larger energy context. I've
been ricocheted around many different viewpoints in the struggle to
understand, and it gave me an interdependent reality teaching, but it was
so painful. Sometimes when my personality reasserts itself I find myself
tumbling along one of those tunnel realities that go to old rotten places.
Only now I recognise it as incomplete, and wait for it to pass.
The letting go for me had to be done right so that those different
viewpoints could be synthesised into something that made a higher sense to
me, or else I'd just wake up in the night with the cold sweats again. I
think I've done it right, and I can grieve for what was in a clean way now.
I can also move on as me, without that bloody hall of mirrors!
>This for exactly the same reason, I have just gone (grown?) too far beyond
them (and I don't mean that to so8nd 'better than')
I know, you just realise the truth... :)
>they simply cannot 'see' what I see, they still walk under the veil of the
darkness,
For me it feels like a kind of strange blindness, they themselves are as
"light" as me, but the world appears dark in their eyes, and it contains
evils to wipe out, rather than being filled with light made from things
they don't understand yet. They will meet experiences that will require
them to expand their conceptions! Happened to me, thanks to them... :)
>that can only feel toward me either hostility, or pity, for their thinking
I'm crazy or something. I do not have hostile feelings toward them, only
sorrow, and am having to let go of frustrations of realizing I can never
''change' them, for they simply are not yet ready for that, to awaken.
Yes. How strange and sad it feels. The heart heals in mysterious ways, it
seems. I tried so hard to keep the doors open for them, and now I thank the
powers that be for keeping me sane and teaching me to trust myself more.
Why do we get so caught up in these situations? And why do we insist on
accidentally generating reactions that show us our fears? <g>
>I have to leave that in god's hands, to deal with them when and as He
will, as to awakening to >truth. but relationship with them has become
simply unsustainable, and a source of nothing but >unpleasant ness on both
parts.
Yes, so tempting to stand up and show *them* how it feels. I could see how
the breakdown in communication was deliberate on their part, in order to
maintain their preconceptions, and it was actually threatening to them to
open up to embrace a larger perspective, threatening to their
mental/emotional structures which they "needed" to maintain their opinions
and status. Some of it so subtle, using psycho-spiritual terms to justify
the coldness. This was their way of maintaining their Way. Karma in action.
And I was melting all the while, cast out (old karma), nothing to offer but
an intention to expand my heart, but no means to express. Lucky for me, new
friends, and some validation from them and from here. Life is accepting,
and allows new life. Pity we impose such limited, damning views on each other.
This angel stuff I mentioned was a surprise, and came after I had decided
to let the ppl I was in pain over just go their way: it seems to me that
there's some work going on on the old inner planes, through the change of
energy. I don't hope for personal vindication any more, but if this energy
brings a broadening of our capacity to love, I welcome it gratefully. I
shall move on anyway.
Thanks, Jennell, 'scuse the long ramble!
Love
Rob
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