To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/01/12 21:24
Subject: [K-list] Really Wondering ... some background ...
From: Christopher Wynter

Perhaps so that people on this list can understand
a little more of where I am coming from ...
and the background behind my work ...
and yes, this is related to the questions and my answers,
here is an edited version of something that I have posted on another list ....

In this lifetime, I have been clinically dead three times ...

and I have a very clear remembering of what I found at those times.
all that existed was my separateness.

now I write for the joy of writing,
and, as I tend my garden, I hear the song of the grass
and the trees .. and the wind ....
and underneath the song is a silence
around which I cannot place words ....

and if all of that ended tomorrow, it would make no difference to me
because I have nothing left to judge .. and I will now, no longer
leave (or take with me) regrets of things I could or should have done ....
... nor do I fear the loss of anything that surrounds me ...

because I have found a me that does not depend on the permission
or authority of others for its existence ....

The purpose of my returns was to remember this ...

I was asked on another list to describe what I remembered of death ...

Words and the language of perception allow only a limited translation ...

Its like a dream state ... lucid ...
thoughts disembodied ... thoughts existing without a body ...
the mental process continues ... but without active thinking ...
non creative ...

but beyond that, thoughts have opposite thoughts ...
'nightmares'

and there is no concept of time ..
as in a dream ...
its all happening at the one time ....

but there are feelings of emotions ..
fear .. was what I had been taught it was ...

ghosts of the past ...
and self judgement ...

memories, impressions not associable with the life I had led ...

beyond that,
I could see all disappear into what can be best described as a nebula ...
and the remembering that this could only be achieved
by the thinking process
for which I needed a body

Christopher Wynter

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