To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/01/12 11:25
Subject: [K-list] Still getting over Sai Baba.
From: Tony O'Clery
On 2000/01/12 11:25, Tony O'Clery posted thus to the K-list:
Namaste All,
Well I'm almost sane again , feeling like I used to,
after 15 years with the Sai Baba thing? However I
notice that I am still a little dysfunctional. I have
exhausted some stuff by posting on another site, it is
a safety-valve. However the impressions on the mind
are deep, and necessitate vigilance of thought. I
have replaced my mantra with another I used
secondarily: It seems easier to replace a thought
than erase it, which isn't possible. It is a real
push to me though, to feel more the 'formless',
though there are still things to work through. I have
some guilt for influencing others and there are other
negative emotions as well. I'm afraid I was
suffering from, 'true believer syndrome'.
I now have to wonder 'who' this was all happening to
and why? Who had this experience who suffered this
pain? How these concepts could hurt another concept?
However after some weeks my meditation seems to be
getting back to normal and I am happy about that. But
something wakes me from it, perhaps because I like it
there. It is a great lesson in that the mind takes it
own path and goes its own way. If one identifies with
that then one feels that. More observing the mind is
in order, but that is the difficulty and there are
still the samskaras from this experience.
My feelings about Sai Baba run from resentment to some
extent, to wishing to forgive for my hurt, but his
activity still continues. I suppose I am trying to
let go of residual attachments/samskaras. I have to
rise above it all! This it seems I have to work
through but not become to attached to it. At least I
didn't think he was God separate from myself, my
aspiring adwaitin/jnani path must have saved me from
worse damage. I feel so sorry about the
devotees/bhaktas. I was 15 years in a mental jail
without sentence, a surprise lesson on the mind and
its vagaries. Who am I? And who did this happen to?
Who received this pain?
Love and Om Namah Sivaya….Tony.
=====
Keep on truckin-Chant the Gayatri! Breathe So----Ham!
ASATHO MA SATH GAMAYA, From the unreal lead me to the real,
THAMASO MA JYOTHIR GAMAYA, From darkness, lead me to light,
MRITHYOR MA AMRITAM GAMAYA.From death, lead me to immortality.
OM, SHANTI SHANTI SHANTI. Om, Peace Peace Peace.
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