To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/01/01 16:41
Subject: [K-list] Goodbye Sai Baba and devotees!
From: Tony O'Clery
On 2000/01/01 16:41, Tony O'Clery posted thus to the K-list:
Om Namah Sivaya All,
The last three weeks or so have been probably the most
important in my life!
Well for all my study of Adwaita I was taken by
surprise. By what? By my residual, erstwhile
attachment to Sai Baba.
With all the fuss about his materialisations being
somewhat phony, contradictory statements, and alleged
sexual improprieties; I became fed up. I cannot
explain some of the obvious 'strange', happenings
except by Yogic Siddhis. (He has been 'tricking', but
I have enough evidence of powers such as bilocation,
astral travel etc etc, perhaps he is conserving his
vital energy sheath.)
I had already read myself to the river so to speak so
a Guru was now superflous. However the last few weeks
have been like a nervous breakdown, maybe it was!
First: Disbelief: Although I kind of knew about the
conjuring: The sexual allegations, yet unproved,
worried me for that may indicate desires. Why this is
happening; I don't know but the end result is good
for me.
Second: Anger: At myself for investing 15 years, and
at those messengers that brought the bad news. Sorry
David et al! I even became vulgar and abusive, and I
didn't know whether to laugh or cry or what. In the
end I did both, much to the consternation of my wife.
I was shocked at myself, and my reaction and it took
some effort to get hold of myself. Deep meditations
in fact. I suppose it was all a cathartic
safety-valve.
I had family problems on joining Sai Baba,
estrangements etc, plus my business practices were
finished and total lost income is probably well over
the million dollars or so. I had already come from a
disastrous life with, religious disappointment and
betrayal, early deaths, alcoholism and abuse etc.
Luckily, except for a couple of near misses my wife
stuck by me during this fifteen years, although she
was never a Sai Devotee. She almost had a nervous
breakdown herself, never mind me.
Luckily for my own sanity I was more on the Jnana
rather than the pure bhakti path.( I feel very sorry
for the devastating effect this will all have on pure
devotee-devotees. Their only defence is total
disbelief and pure believer syndrome).
Also I had already walked out of my centre due to the
fact that the officers didn't take any notice of Sai
Bab's instructions on integration of local religion
and language. I just got fed up with the segregation
and being the 'token white-man', singing in Sanskrit.
It was all too intransigent and rather prejudiced for
me, in the end. However I can thank them for being
the start of my weaning off Sai Baba.
Also the tales of financial corruption and some
untoward activities in the organisation, including
murders, disappointed me also. Although that is all
too human. How far away from Sai Baba this is, I
don't know.
Who and what and why? Sai Baba is? Well I don't
know, and I don't think it really matters it is for
those that enjoy and wish to live in the dream.
However the experience was not really all bad. It fed
an interest in Vedanta that led me to Ramana Maharshi
and Nisargadatta Maharaj, Sankara etc. I also was
interested in and enjoyed singing bhajans in Sanskrit,
and learning all I did about Hinduism from the
centre-level, which is fundamentalist and
superstitious, almost, right up to Adwaita Vedanta.
It was a psychological support for a damaged
personality. My experience of Sai Baba personally has
only been positive. So for me, he did his job! It is
only my ego that is disappointed. Perhaps this is the
plan of transference back to my own Self!
So now the last part of the journey is, now that I am
on the river bank, to swim across by myself. Go
within my man! Go within! Be a spiritual aspirant!
There are no Avatars only the Self…! That is where
you were all the time you silly, distracted man! But
you already knew this, yet you took a painful road
again. Thank you Sai Baba and goodbye, and goodbye
brothers and sisters in Sai-Org. Om Namah
Sivaya-----Aham Brahmasmi!!
Love Tony.
=====
Keep on truckin-Chant the Gayatri! Breathe So----Ham!
ASATHO MA SATH GAMAYA, From the unreal lead me to the real,
THAMASO MA JYOTHIR GAMAYA, From darkness, lead me to light,
MRITHYOR MA AMRITAM GAMAYA.From death, lead me to immortality.
OM, SHANTI SHANTI SHANTI. Om, Peace Peace Peace.
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