To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/11/26 15:37
Subject: Re: [K-list] ANGER
From: Steve Salter
On 1999/11/26 15:37, Steve Salter posted thus to the K-list:
I hate responding to my own posts but what the hey, eh?
I also HATE being alone but I cannot compromise my Self.
I used to give my All but ... oh hell, I still do...and it hurts.
hmm...
how fascinating, where did that come from?
Steve Salter wrote:
> i do not understand. i have been trying to proceed as I have all
> along...accepting whatever comes...letting things go...immersing myself in Love.
>
> today though...i am alone. I went to my parents for the traditional thanksgiving
> celebration and after many months of not seeing my siblings (they are christians
> and i have always been the black sheep) it was good to reestablish a continuity.
>
> i did, of course, wear my diamond stud earring in honor of a celebration, which
> thrills my niece and makes her mother (my straightlaces xian sister) sigh.
> i do not relinquish mySelf to anyone except god which is me.
>
> today though...
>
> ANGER!
>
> ANGER has flooded through me. I HATE the principal I had in 4th grade that
> humiliated me and punished me for something I did not do. I HATE him for ruining
> my life for so many years. If I had met him today I would have shoved my hand
> into his chest and ripped out his heart (echoing Aztec chants...)...
>
> I had a flood of powerful energy flood into me during this emotional time and
> went outside to try to attune myself to the placid, enduring oak and hickory
> trees.
> Instead I felt a surge of power (ever stick your finger into a wall socket?) and
> slammed my fist through the side of my garage (which, unfortunately I had just
> painted a week ago.) I went through the light sheet metal siding and through a
> 2x4 and created deep gashes that glinted white before the blood began to flow
> out.
>
> is ok. I have been soaking my hand in cold water and thinking at it. Gashes are
> closing although I probably should get stitches.
>
> other stuff but it is sexual and i am not ready to relate it.
>
> i must just accept what is happening and let it pass through and remain
> (discover?) mySelf.
>
> -me.
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