To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/11/17 13:05
Subject: [K-list] before and during and after?
From: winter mute
On 1999/11/17 13:05, winter mute posted thus to the K-list:
On Wed, 17 Nov 1999 13:22:42 Steve Salter wrote:
>Yesterday, I had this golden glow at the base of my spine and today it is
>still there. Kept me from sleeping soundly since everytime I seemed to take a
>deep breath the sensation would intensify and my eyes would pop open.
You say you can move it by visualization.
This is a good thing to remember to do if your
muscles get too tense or you have aches from
too much energy. :)
Move energy up and out your head as in re.
Mystress' grounding page. :)
>I also can feel it in my shoulders, as if my shoulders are heavy and tensed in
>a way...or covered with an armor ...no, not armor, oh >nevermind.
Sounds like your body is adjusting to the new
energy coming in.
The somwhat-tense to tense muscles is a common
phenomenon, I think
and may be the cause of many aches and pains.
Maybe get someone to do a mild massage ?
>A sweet kindred spirit told me yesterday I was probably experience a
>non-raging awakening. That would be nice if that was >the case.
I truly hope so. :)
Not all awakenings are raging.
I like your lighting eyes ! LOL !
>I am interested in hearing experiences on what it was like "before" and
>"after" kundalini awakened for you and how it was "during".
Since I'm in talk mode again after a day of much
eating, I'll pick up this one. ;)
For me, there really was no before and after.
Kundalini is in Indian scriptures said to be the
regenerative force that "builds" the embryo
when it is in the womb.
After this, the energy is said to reside down into
the muladhar and coil up 3.5 times like a snake,
only to wait for
a chance to reawaken and rise in the central nadi
channel, the susumna.
I think I may have been born with the susumna open.
One of my earliest memories is of lying in bed
as a child (3-4 years)
and seeing a white glowing kernel of light the size
of the thumbnail somewhere in the middle of my belly.
The kernel would send out light in tune with the
heart beat and sometimes feel emotionally painful.
As a child I had pre astral projection vibrations
in the body when going to sleep,
photographic memory, heaviness at the ajna chakra,
a sound like breaking waves in the ears at times,
a specific memory of what it felt like to die
(and being conscious while it happened)
and a constant pain in the left wrist.
Whenever the kernel glowed, the left wrist would
ache.
Sometimes at night I would experience spasms in the
back which would start in the sacral area and then
jump up into the head, causing my body to contract.
I always thought this was some kind of undiagnosed
epilepsy but never thought of asking a doctor about
it as it felt so "natural". (???)
In the early 20s
I had a roiling, moving center in my belly which
was the center of my emotional life and causing a lot
of deep and uncomfortable emotions.
At times it was easy to hook up to someone else
if they had the same kernel of emotion in them and
I usually could sense it from miles away if they
did.
I never talked with anyone about this, I thought it
was "just me" and perfectly natural and that everybody
experienced problems with what I thought of as
their soul core.
Two years ago I developed a sudden interest in
past lives although having regarded the subject with
humor and contempt previously.
I went to Normandy in France in a manic daze, alone
and not knowing the language and travelled around
for 3 days.
By coincidences I ended up at the Cimitiere de
Guerre des Allemands (German war cemetery) at Bayeux.
I met up with a friend and had two flash bulb
you're-transported-to-another-place-and-time
visions probably connected with psychometry.
When I came home, I actually didn't think too much
of the visions. I was so absorbed in the amount
of physical energy and stamina I had developed,
worked for 14h a day and seldomly slept for more
than 4h per night, behaving rather maniacally
and with an enormous, invincible ego. ;)
I started having dreams about war and explosions
and of someone
feeding me a life nectar, manna, in sleep, but
again was too much in a rut to notice or ponder
what was happening.
I observed some ppl on the net talking about
past lives and remembered the disturbing
visions I had had in the summer.
I went home early from work,
sat down and concentrated on a point in the chest
where the emotional kernel seemed to be sitting
while willing the emotions to be dissolved.
The next morning I woke up, continued the focusing
and feel asleep.
A rush of images entered the dream state and
I woke up. The images continued to come
in the waking state and I was unable to
get up from bed.
After 2 hours and the most emotionally wrecking,
exhausting images, sounds and voices had receded,
I got up and ran in circles in my room for a while.
In the evening I was drained of energy and dreaded
going to sleep, but was strangely relieved too.
The emotions had gotten a name and were in
the process of being relieved.
In the following two weeks I had many vision
states, all carrying what I assume are memories of
past lives.
Some of the states lasted for hours speaking another language,
having the facial muscles twisted into another's
facial expressions and the voice changing,
crying and shouting, but coming in strangely
increased contact with my own emotions.
I contacted a past life therapist and got some
tips from him and it helped a lot.
The pain in the left wrist which had been almost
constant throughout life disappeared.
In between I saw my spirit guide (this was a time
where I was in real need for guidance and
consolation) and listened to
the thoughts of others, most often close friends.
There was even more emotional turmoil than before
caused by the sudden influx of memories
and all while keeping a straight face
to coworkers, family and friends.
Memories kept coming, along with dreams and sounds.
I dreaded the walk to and from work as even that time
memories and visions would happen.
Then someone mentioned Kundalini and I remembered
having known this word since a small child.
(That and the word "Tantra") even though no one
in my family ever did any yoga or meditation.
I asked around about Kundalini and came to the list. :))
It was an enormous relief finding out what was
happening.
I never had many physical problems, only
left leg pain for a period of time
which ceased after I had shouted at god a little
and stomach problems (3rd chakra problems)
that have been resolved gradually.
I had a lot of visions and emotional dross that
needed to be cleaned up.
For a time it was difficult, but it's been easier and
easier. :)
I read a lot about Kundalini from Indian scriptures,
as well as the thoughts of many Indian masters
on spirituality and philosophy.
Read some on the Chinese and Japanese traditions
and found it all incredibly fascinating.
After the initial awakening, I really wanted to
find a teacher or a guru, and a spritual practice,
but then it seemed all
roads were blocked and I was left with my
every day life and leaving K undisturbed. :)
What I can say is that after K, the concepts of
normality have been abandoned.
There have been too many new
concepts to adjust to.
Virtually everything in my life has changed,
how I see others, the world and myself.
My relationship with others have changed radically
and to the better.
I have found new love of the arts, especially music
and visual arts, but still can't read fiction
as I loved to do prior to K.
Fiction now seems like something hollow and
completely illusory. :)
There is a bliss that is present almost irrespective of
circumstance and a full
consciousness inside dreams.
This was quite unnerving in the beginning but something
I more appreciate now. The vigil in dreams is
me too. :)
I can't tell how much K has changed and yet still,
brought me back to a place I used to be.
For me, what K wants represents the inner
wishes of myself. :)
The emotional turmoil and alienation from my
early years has changed into something else and I
have a place to be.
Of course K can feel difficult at times, but
never from a certain point of view.
I'm losing it here as I have problems seeing
the changes and making a real report of it. :)
We'd better do the changes another time. :)
However,
I'm always grateful for K in patching me up
and making me human again. :)
I haven't experienced some of the same problems
as many others have.
To me, it's been a great relief because
I was so thoroughly miserable prior to K.
Hope that gives you some answers. :)
Best regards,
Amanda.
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