To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/11/15 15:14
Subject: Re: [K-list] Black magic and misuse of Power?
From: alingimp
On 1999/11/15 15:14, alingimp posted thus to the K-list:
Angelique wrote:
> When my energy gets low, as it was when I wrote that post, sometimes my
>Alpha Wolf gets loose and attacks at the smell of fear. When that happens,
>I avoid civilized company and only hang around with maschocists who enjoy
>the feel of my fangs. They appreciate that aspect of my personality, and
>they give it love and dismantle the trap of attachments, before the pain
>turnes it into Berserker Wolf and it chews it's own leg off to be free...
Good to hear that you are able to integrate the darker aspects of your
personality. For a long time, I was struggling with mine and even now I
sometimes still beat myself over the head because of them. Somehow I used to
have this ideal stuck in my head of having to be gentle and mellow all the
way and all the time but at the same time I had to realize that there is
also a part of me that is fierce and violent. Currently, I am still in the
process of integrating those aspects of my personality by learning to accept
them and learning how to control them better. They did get me into trouble
quite a few times in the past, but they also proved to be useful on
occasions. According to my own experience, simply repressing one's dark side
isn't a good idea, because any form of repression has a tendency to backfire
in the end.
Angelique wrote:
> I don't mind the Alpha Wolf, it serves like Goddess as Mamma bear,
>shredding anything that is in the way between Her and Her cub/vessel. It
>mostly comes out when I've gotten stuck in somebody else's karma.. when
>someone has sent me shit that they are not willing to surrender. Free Will
>is Goddess law, and so thier resistance becomes my resistance, their
>blockages become mine, and block my flow of energy and wisdom.
> I take on thier limits and get blind and stupid and cannot find my way
>home. I'm walking around in someone else's ego, bitching about issues that
>are not my own, but I cannot tell it's not me, until they have cleared and
>I am back to being my higher self again.
> If my energy is clear enough, in the first place, shit doesn't stick..
>but if anything does stick, other stuff gets backed up behind it blocking
>the flow, and I crash and hide out, express the energy in art.
snip
> I was getting headaches on Wed, which I kept clearing but they kept
>coming back. Then weakness and upset stomach and coughing, which wouldn't
>clear and had me too blocked to see where it was coming from, to clear it
>at the source. By Sunday afternoon I was so stupid it was an effort to even
>remember how to clear my energy.. By Sunday night I was writhing and
>barfing in agony, begging Goddess for mercy.
> When I woke early Mon. I felt clearer, but still very fragile..
Glad to hear that you feel better now. It seems to me that taking on other
people's stuff takes a lot of your strength and energy. Although you are
very strong, I am somewhat concerned for your wellbeing. Pls. do take good
care of yourself and make sure that you recharge after taking on other
people's stuff so that nothing of their's gets stuck inside you and so that
they don't drain too much of your energy.
Love,
Karin
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