To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/10/03 05:54
Subject: Re: [K-list] K: Agony and Ecstasy
From: Wim Borsboom
On 1999/10/03 05:54, Wim Borsboom posted thus to the K-list:
Dear El,
You wrote
>In the beginning, I had tremendous light/energy rushes up my spine and out
>through my crown chakra which caused seizures and made my eyes roll back in
>my head. During the first seven months I also had intense experiences when
>the energy was working on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 7th chakras. I did lots
of
>involuntary kriyas, mudras and yoga asanas (sometimes in the middle of
sleep
>I'd be jolted forward in bed and flipped into a cobra position or other
>strange yoga posture).
The following may become a long account of some of my experiences, some of
which I promised to write about some time ago.
I had 7 weeks of spontaneous, what you term "involuntary" yogic experiences,
7 weeks without any need to sleep. I ate scrambled eggs, honey (lots),
butter (lots), real ginger ale (I forget the brand), and whole-weat farmers
bread that my wife baked fresh every day. The spontaneous body movements and
the beautiful mudras were a continuous event like a long (sometimes 6 hours)
slow timelapsed dance. It was only after a while that I realized that yoga
asanas and mudras are recorded bits and pieces of this dance, formalized and
catagorized by well meaning yogis.
Initially it was like my awareness was on average 3 seconds behind my actual
body movements. It was like my body purposely shut down my mental
involvement. Over time the awareness timelapses shortened until I was in
sync with myself, my body/mind separation ceased. Then there followed a
period of straight imaginitive invention of movement. It was like my body
allowed my mental imagination to invent new movements as it trusted this
newly freed, creative mind...that mind that had given up its limiting
control. It was not easy for my wife to go with me into town as I was often
walking as outrageously as Hare Krishna ppl. So I went off into the woods
and up the hilltops a lot. Glorious Sun, glorious Earth.
I started to love the Ocean, the salty water, the colder the better, could
stay in it for hours, swimming with the seals. When it started to rain, and
it rains a lot in Victoria during the winter, I went naked into streams and
waterfalls, I loved the rain... Must have needed a lot of grounding.
Should admit that for at least 10 years before this episode, I had been
afraid of water, even showers... it was very hard, personal hygiene... Used
the littlest amount of water to keep myself clean...
After the outrageous dancing, I started doing daring physical experiments
that involved pretty well all my glands, interrupting them at will to find
out what their function was. The experience of this became inner, intimate
knowledge: each organ became a conscious aware functioning part of my whole
system. They wanted to be known and acknowledged and I wanted to know and
acknowledge them. Stopped the heart for long time periods, no problem,
konking out the liver, no breathing, no problem, the thyroid, the spleen,
the kidneys, the adrenals, the testicles, all those little glands without a
name. The lymphatic system was so neat. The best discovery though were the
pineal and pituitary glands and those sensitive spots just inside the anus
that are so important in the defacating process. They got to mean way more,
so much to do with the root and sacral chakras. How I got to love all of
'them organs'. (And Dan Winter, yes, that sacro-spinal orifice and pelvic
pump, and yes the nectar flow.) Played around with my feces a lot, smeared
my body with it on the beach by the ocean... no kidding... that wonderful
farm like aroma, like the intimate warm smell of cows in the stable. I
reminded me (sic) of back home in Holland, the farm community where we used
to live. Cleaned myself with gritty scrubs of sand and smooth silky
seaweeds. Drinking ones' own urine..., better than the taste of the liquid
that comes off cooked vegetables... all so pure and mineral laden. How
wonderful that all was, no taboos no more, no inhibitions, the glorious
smells and tastes and feelings of everything we are. Don't worry, am pretty
OK now :-)
My wife and son (18 at that time) allowed all this, what an understanding
they must they have had... or not... Mind you, I could not be stopped
anyway. By then they knew that this was all part of this great kundalini
self-regeneration process that had taken a hold of me. Their patience and
compassion... and suffering and... sense of humour... eventually!
Then the visions, the memories, knowing that all the gods and goddesses ARE
our for-fathers and for-mothers, physical ancestors, a lot of great ones and
some assholes. Brahman, Vishnu, Shiva and their equally important consorts
are THE great ones!
I remember standing as young Vishnu (5 years old) by the fertility altar
that my dad had built, bumped my head against one of the stoney corners, the
beautiful torch lighting in that hemispherical temple. Brahman, so proud, he
had invented this new kind of stone ceiling, like the hemispherical dome of
the cathedral of Florence, Italy so many years later. Except he used rough
stones fitted like squarish puzzle pieces, supported by a mound of firm dirt
that was dug out afterwards.... and... the dome stayed up! I flew over that
dome just recently (OOBE), it still exists, patched up with rocks that don't
belong, the dirt had been put back underneath by some clever people, to
preserve the dome shape at least, it is now a burial mound. Am I the only
one who knows that Brahman was there once? Wish I physically knew where it
was, my father's temple, your father's temple, our father's home, he was so
wonderful, strong, inventive. Benevolent, so different from the other men I
knew. He figured out how to press fruit (were they it quinces ? I think so)
to collect the juice, he invented the sieve. He knew about how to dry and
collect seasalt and he organized it's distribution. He played around with
food cultivation and husbandry.
Then the memory of Adam while he was on an expedition to find out what the
desert was really like. Finding out if the stories that snakes kill you are
really true. Was that just fear mongering to prevent us from abandoning the
tribal compounds in the hills? Why were we not alllowed to venture down into
that hazy river valley? After all these thousands of years, I still don't
understand my father's fear, the memory of this god (as he is now
remembered) still instills fear and almost guarantees damnation over the
promise of freedom. Why did he in those days insist we needed to always stay
hunter/gatherers ? We would do alright, my mate/and/partner and me, with our
new approach to cultivate and refine the plants and fruits in the valley.
Why was utopia, just like it is now, frowned upon, are we so scared to be
free. This father of ours was not to be a very good god, as he operated by
instilling fear, judgement and punishment. That memory still persist in
religious approaches that deal with death and judgement and freedom only...
if you give up your freedom in the name of belief, faith and dependance.
We went back to the tribal compound at one point to tell everyone about the
lack of danger down in the valley and beyond, about the wonderful growing
methods that we discovered and applied, about our new discovery of
immortality and the illusion of death, about the cosmic and universal
knowledge of the divine within and without. Humans could be such wonderful
beings if we could just trust our cosmic heritage instead of our limited
tribal pride as it was based on the hatred of others. Only the old "Wise
Guy", as we called him, understood us. He had explained to us that the most
important part of our body was our spine, he did not use that word, he used
the words serpentbones or snakebones, reminding us that our skeleton was
held upright by those bones that looked like the bones of dead serpents.
Within the snakebones was our energy he said. Keep those bones right and you
will forever be right. He also told us that we could cast of fear and
illusion like the the snake casts of its skin, we could be reborn, start
again clean.
Who believed him? Didn't we all sooner or later develop hunched backs and
had aches and pains. We are like that, most of us said, we would fit our
graves way better that way, some of us joked.
I told them the tribal members, of this one morning that I left my mate, she
was harvesting fruit, to venture off into the desert. Down in the valley it
was always hazy, but once I got higher up the sun was blazingly hot. The
bushes were very prickly and dried out rather grey and wide apart, almost
waist high, the orange/yellow/grey dirt was quite packed, I hardly left
footprints in it. Then.... from underneath one of the rocks or bushes, I
don't know, slithered this viper towards me, it was no more than about a
foot long, rather sandy coloured. I remembered my dad's warning, the
impending death, but I did not believe it, I had no fear. Did this animal
know I meant danger, why would he kill me? I would not kill it. I became
quite lighthearted, lightbodied even and it was as though I was lifting
myself off the ground as the viper curved its way forward underneath my
feet, probably never even having noticed me. I was not amazed, it was so
self-evident to me that fear would have been more dangerous than some
happenstance moment of reality in which there was a slight chance of a
possible physical encounter with again another slight chance of some form of
attack. If anything I was to be feared more by the viper than I by the
viper. I tumbled over these confused thoughts and eventually I regained my
footing on the soil...surprisingly strongly. I felt I had overcome something
of an historical impact. I stood so straight, so erect, so strong, my head
carried so proudly by my 'serpent bones'. I was so aware of my erect spine.
A flash of knowledge went through me, as though strait fom the deepest
depth of the earth, up through my back and into my head. It got stuck there
for a short span of time and I did get the strong sensation of being deeply
rooted in the earth like strong healthy tree. All of a sudden it was as
though from my head up I shot off these powerful branches of lightning
and.... floating within these branches was a multifacetted, many spiked
crystalline form, whirling and buzzing and throwing off these scintillating
colours. Than that form descended into my head, it fitted so neatly and I
started feeling so vibrantly blissful.
Here my reliving of this fantastic event in Eden from thousands of years
ago, was interrupted briefly and I almost shouted in my mother-tongue which
is Dutch, "Star of David!... Devil is an illusive personfication of evil.
Evil is the illusion of malevolent power which brings about the illusion of
fear and suffering. Illusion cannot stand reality, truth and freedom so
fearmongering makes the illusion of fear appear as more real than the
reality of truth." A year before this memory, while I was vacationing in San
Gemignano (sp) in Italy, these same words had come to me after six hours of
ecstasy which eventually, 1 week later resulted in a near death experience.
Back to the memory.
Slowly, after the form had radiated off its glorious bliss within me,
unity/wholeness became evident in me, I could not think in a fracturing,
analytical way anymore. It became evident to me that the distinction of good
versus bad was flawed thinking. Indeed, that all opposites... any kind of
opposites do not exist in reality but in the conceptualizing mind only.
Opposites have no reality in nature, the distinction is physically unsound.
Opposite-ness is inadequate, unworkable to use for the understanding of
life, love and truth. I saw forebodings and visualisations of something that
we would later call gauge fields.
I, Adam - philosopher, together with my mate - inventors, we shall develop
agriculture, irrigation and a new human integration of love, and
unquestioned security with ech other. We shall unlimit our creativity, we
shall rejoin the divine with the human. The divine and the human, those
characteristics are not mutually exclusive, indeed they are necessarily
inclusive of each other, they are not separate and opposing functionalities
that attract or fend off. Fear and faith are also not to be incomprehensably
united. Love and truth characterize integral unity in reality. Is death the
opposite of life? That is impossible. Death by definition is non existence,
it does not exist, how can it then possibly be an opposite. Death is a only
a concept in the eye of the observer who treats it as real... the
observation of an outsider, a non-participant in that momentous event that
goes by the name of 'death'. The observer is not the subject of
transition...
And then it became crystal clear... we are one eternal and omnipresent
reality focussed and concentrated in this moment. And I felt that my spine
was like an enormously powerful tree trunk, concentrating and condensing all
the communications between anything and anywhere and anytime. And I sprouted
enormously in all directions
Here again my reliving of this fantastic event in Eden from thousands of
years ago, was interrupted briefly and I almost shouted in my mother-tongue
"Tree of Jesse, tree that depicts eternal life, all encompassing
intermingling of multi dimensional webs of reciprocative relationships." and
I remembered one of Hildegard von Bingen's visions
Back to the memory.
I thought of my partner in the orchard collecting the fruit, and instantly I
was with her, and I knew that she simultaneously with me had gone through
identical realizations. We were indeed now free of tribal ties, untouchable
by fear and malevolent power, inviolate by sin or guilt.
These illusive concepts had lost all their seeming reality... Shall we tell
the others?
We enthousiastically returned to the tribe's compound in the hills, related
our discoveries to the Wise Guy who was not at all surprised as he had
foreseen our endeavour's realizations as inevitable. We related our
discoveries to our brothers and sisters and the children, two of which came
with us, one of whom would attempt to disprove our methods and who would
kill his successful brother. We related our discoveries to our parents who
blamed each other for bringing forth such offspring as we were, we were
excommunicated from the tribe as they set up watches so that we could not
ever return. Eden was luckily safe and we lived on. Our stories were
terribly miscommunicated, mistranslated and misunderstood, becoming a lie in
the the hands of envious god/ancestors who could not love and let live. They
punished instead with death, damnation and the hand-down of blame and
guilt... We shall set them free as we will free all our offspring from the
blame of having been forced to live under the power of illusion and original
or handed down guilt.
It may take some time, but there is plenty of that and more where it is
coming from. And if we run out there is always eternity.
Love, Wim
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