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>From K-listATnospamdomin8rex.com Fri Sep 24 14:41:03 1999
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From: "Gun Appel" <Gun AppelATnospampp.qnet.fi>
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Date: Fri, 24 Sep 1999 23:38:39 +0000
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Subject: Re: kundalini-digest V1 #365
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Hi! I'm new on the list, have just followed your conversation a few
days.
Since I'm very unsure about what has happened to me the last year, I
would be happy to hear some of your stories. How K happened to you
and what you thought at that time. I do understand that I'am
interrupting your discussions, but perhaps you have your stories
saved. In that case would you mind sending some to
gun.appelATnospampp.qnet,fi.
When I read your discussions, I often think that how can you be so
positive about everything. To me K means only disappointment. I was
never very interested in religious talk (perhaps since my mother was
a bit obsessive with the Christian variant when I was a child) but
coming closer to my forties, I started wondering again. At this time
people generally find out that their lives don't excactly match the
dreams of their youth and that happened to me too. I was in fact so
fed up with my completely normal, but boring life that I started to
think about dying. But first I wanted to do a little study on the
project. My depression waned away when I found out that there were
ways to have spiritual experiences and I tried (unsuccessfully) to
have OBEs, I read of the Kabbala and I eagerly wrote down and tried
to find a meaning to every single dream I could remember. Also I was
into yoga and that was quite fun, because I discover that I had a
natural talent that I wasn't aware of. I meditated and went into a
group whose object was to help the spiritual beings in 'the
otherlands' to heighten the vibrations of mankind, animal and earth
in preparation for the great ascension.
Sorry, I may sound a little ironic, but this is because of my own
deep disappointment.
What started my K experience (or madmans travel) was my own efforts
to be a channeler, like the one in the ascension group. I used
Sanaya Romans book Learn channeling like an cooking book and asked to
be led by 'the highest wisest spiritual beint that is in harmony with
my own being. After that I have never or almost never been able to
have normal sleep. The firs half year I tried to follow, to believe
something good was happening to me, even if I was scared to death
many times. I felt that my body was touched, violated, raped by
some invisual beeing, my arms and legs moved unconsciously, flew up
in the air, there was an electricity feeling in them.
I feel it rather difficult to tell in English (I'm Finnish) but I
hope you understand me anyway.
These strange things and many others just went on and on. After half
a year, at Christmas time, I was informed that my kundalini was to
rise. How was I informed? There were all these energy feelings and
movements around me that made med see pictures in my head. For
example, I felt an energy touching on my legs and at the same time
sensed some kind of pendling movement and this two things fooled my
brain to make me a picture of some body walking. Thinking of your ego
discussion I was repeatedly told in this energy movement languge that
my K couldn't rise safely if my ego was not very much put down. At
this time I was very much afraid, I was crying and shaking violently
every time my K turned direction, went up or down my spine again.
After a couple of weeks K was said (by this energy language) to have
reached their goals in the head, I felt this happen two times - once
it rose to the left part my forehead, once to the right part. During
this time I did many things to myself that I would never had
done otherwise and that I felt ashamed of. Masturbation is OK but now
I was doing thing without lust, just to please the strange being that
seemed to be in contact with me, who said I had to do this to be lver
with i all. There was some kind of explanation that shame drove the K
force downwards and orgasm upwards.
I hadn't read much of kundalini then, nor have I done it now, so I
don't know the truth (if indeed there is a truth). Afer this I
thought my sufferings would be =F6ver, but they were no. The energy
touching that disturbed my sleep continued and I did not feel any
of the positive things I had heard that K could do for people. Now I
didn't go along anymore. In fact, I didn't go anywhere. I just lay in
my bed and wanted to end my life - or rather hoping something else
would end it, because I was scared of afterlife, too. What if the
problem I had would follow me there? Also I have a 12 year old
son and my parents who worried about me and tried to keep me alive.
But I had a deep depression and for the first time I started to use
sleeping pills. For me sleeping pills became the little suicide that
I could make every night and sometimes during daytime, when I really
couldn't stand existing. I had hoped for so much and now I had
nothing to hope for. The energy movement language was of no meaning
at all. I realized that I could stop listening anytime, hadn't I
been so scared and hadn't the habit of 'translation' become so
strong.
I'm still in this situation, trying not to listen, not to translate
combinations of movements and feelings in my body that uses the dark
sides of my imagination to make see a totally hopeless situation. The
signs do not feel so close anymore, during the day, when I'm alert
and at work, I can ignore them fairly well, but at night they return
together with my tiredness (I'm more tired than I have been in my
whole life) and the ache in my body. My body is hot, I always sleep
with hands and feet outside the blanket. The pain is mainly at the
end of my spine, but can also move around. It helps if I can avoid
focusing at it, calm down and try to shut the door to myself.
But I feel so scared, so disappointed, so empty. I had a dream, but
it has gone and I turned up sick, tired, desillusioned person. I try
to think of small daily things - food, being outdoors, meeting
people, communicating. I'm afraid that this kundalin trip is only a
question of an unbalanced mind, of nerves and endocrines in
unbalance. A psychiater would call it a case of psychosis.
Please write to me, if you feel so. If you have some similar
experiences and have learnt to live again. Or if you just want to
tell me your own kundalini story. I find it very interesting to be
able to compare my own story to others'. If you want to send it
privately, send to gun.appelATnospampp.qnet.fi
My best wishes for you all. But all th talk about taking drugs
scares me. The door to psychosis can be very easy to enter anyway and
unless your subconscious is very clean, which is probably a rare
case, you don't know what monsters are there to meet you. To my
experienc, it is not true that you only encounter as much as you can
manage.
Gun
>
> kundalini-digest Thursday, September 23 1999 Volume 01 : Number =
365
>
>
>
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Date: Thu, 23 Sep 1999 08:59:27 +0100
> From: Martin Thompson <martinATnospamtucana.demon.co.uk>
> Subject: Re: [K-list] seemingly stupid questions about K
>
> 10:01:39 Wed, 22 Sep 1999
> at LeTeegeeATnospamaol.com writes:
> >If I look at ego, and be willing to look beyond,
> >then to me that is Self-beneficial, and I can respond to myself or anot=
her
> >from that place, which is love and being.
> >
> >If I look at ego, and not be willing to look any further,
> >then that is self-beneficial, and I can also respond from that place
> >which is fear and doing.
> >
> And an integrated ego knows that it is self-beneficial to do things
> which are Self-beneficial...
> - --
> Martin Thompson martinATnospamtucana.demon.co.uk
> London, UK
> Home Page: http://www.tucana.demon.co.uk
> Free Regular Income: http://www.virtualis.com/vr/mthomps4/vrp.html
>
> "Everything I do and say with anyone makes a difference." Gita Bellin
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Date: Thu, 23 Sep 1999 09:27:04 +0100
> From: Martin Thompson <martinATnospamtucana.demon.co.uk>
> Subject: Re: [K-list] what is enlightenment
>
> 11:02:09 Wed, 22 Sep 1999
> at blackswanATnospamonramp.net writes:
> >First of all, you will not experience needs beyond those that you natur=
ally
> >need: air, food, and love. You will know that your mind condition, what=
ever
> >it is, is perfect even when you have judgments to the contrary. You wil=
l not
> >depend on others to pronounce your life worthy. You will not depend on
> >others to pronounce your life worthy. Criticism will be of no concern t=
o
> >you. You will not be criticizing others and you will not be attached to
> >their criticism of you. You will be in the experience of loving others.=
You
> >will know that life is not serious and that it is profoundly significan=
t.
> >You will know that others contribute to your life and you will acknowle=
dge
> >them for it. You will truly have what you own in life through a willing=
ness
> >to not have it and a willingness to share it with others. You will live=
in
> >the present moment and not be attached to your memories of the past or =
your
> >schemes for the future.
>
> Very interesting; sounds like being relaxed about myself, anyway. So
> perhaps I'm on the right track with those thoughts.
> - --
> Martin Thompson martinATnospamtucana.demon.co.uk
> London, UK
> Home Page: http://www.tucana.demon.co.uk
> Free Regular Income: http://www.virtualis.com/vr/mthomps4/vrp.html
>
> "Everything I do and say with anyone makes a difference." Gita Bellin
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Date: Thu, 23 Sep 1999 06:06:52 +0000
> From: Maureen Heffernan <morlightATnospammhonline.net>
> Subject: Re: [K-list] danwinter.com ezine newsletter 3:
>
> dan winter wrote:
>
> > ----------------------------
> > Dear -----,
> >
> > I live in the US, at Crestone, Colorado. Maia and Simeon live here als=
o;
> > your note sounded as if you might know Simeon(?). I use Thoth's
> > information
> > via the two of them although I do my own grid work based on it. I've b=
een
> > through Edinburgh several times, once visiting Arthur's Seat where we
> > installed a crystal matrix for linking a grail line from Orkney to
> > Glastonbury. Also in Rosslyn Chapel. We hit 10 sites in 10 days as far
> > south
> > as Glastonbury, threw in Stonehenge and Avebury also since they are
> > in the
> > "Barbury Castle" grid with Glastonbury."
>
> ~~*+M~*
> I found this interesting. From last month..........
>
> >>Simeon,
> > > Just read through the "Co-Founders" section. Interesting that Maia
> > has
> > > been so psychic as have I and Simeon that you saw Serapis Bay,he's o=
ne
> > > of my favourites! And that he had a flame in his fingers! I had a vi=
sion
> > > of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. His Hands were raised chest heigth and
> > his
> > > fingers were simultaneously flames. The flame that doesn't burn. The
> > > Divine Love waves knocked me to my knees.
> > > The more I read, the more I like!!!
> > > Many Blessings to you both,
> > + Maureen
>
> From Simeon ,
> > As I read this I started having some kundalini movement. Would love
> > to share more about Serapis. For now, I can say that Thoth's soul
> > was actually one of the soul's which comprised the soul lattice of
> > Serapis Bey. We are told it is posible to have 3, 5 or 7 souls lattice=
d
> > together in this reality structure for specific master level and
> > acrchetypal planetary purposes.
> >
> > The connection here between us is feeling more wonderful by the
> > moment!
> >
> > Love & Joy,
> > Simeon
> > Rev.'s Simeon & Maia
> Johannine Grove Ministry
> Mazzaroth On Nathai Templum Mysterium
> Church of Antioch
>
> ------------------------------
>
> End of kundalini-digest V1 #365
> *******************************
>
>
Gun Appel gun.appelATnospampp.qnet.fi
/Soulmate's Bookshop http://www.qnet.fi/gappel
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