To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/09/12 14:32
Subject: [K-list] Using Anger Usefully
From: Charles Vermont
On 1999/09/12 14:32, Charles Vermont posted thus to the K-list:
In response to the recent posts, I would say I find anger a very useful emotion. When someone else invades my space, or acts in any other disrespectful way towards me, anger gives me the courage and impetus to assert my displeasure. When I become angry with myself I know it is time for me to make a change in my life. I also believe many of the past political changes in world started when a group of people became angry about their working conditions/social conditions/restrictions on their freedoms.
However, I try to be very careful about how and when I express my anger. In my experience, some people find it difficult to handle so I try to be more gentle when I communicate this feeling. I like to express my anger to them by using milder words such as irritation, frustration and disquiet, and also not raise my voice. What's more, I often find that my anger isn't anger at all, merely a deep sadness. I try to keep a close eye out for that.
I have not always done this. There was a time when I had a very short fuse and would fly off into a rage at the slightest provocation. Looking back, I believe this was because I was deeply unhappy at the time and I thought this was an OK way of showing it. I am now sure it wasn't.
As for the posts on courtesy and other religions, I believe Jesus says in St. Matthew's Gospel that everyone should 'Love thy neighbour as thyself. This is the second greatest commandment'. I don't like other people becoming angry with me, so I try to show my neighbours the same courtesy. I accept their anger if I believe I deserve it, but tend to avoid anyone who is determined to give me regular, unprovoked doses. I also do the same with the people who refuse to show the slightest bit of anger, the so called 'passive aggressives'. In my experience they either snap one day and become very unpleasant indeed, or else they suddenly walk out of my life without saying goodbye and I never hear from them again.
Charles Vermont
London, England
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