To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/08/11 12:37
Subject: Re: [K-list] Shaktipat. was: ldentity of my swami
From: Gcwein1111
On 1999/08/11 12:37, Gcwein1111 posted thus to the K-list:
In a message dated 8/11/99 12:13:15 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
serpentATnospamdomin8rex.com writes:
<<
At 07:13 AM 8/10/99 , GCWein1111ATnospamaol.com wrote:
> His name was Swami
>Chetanananda----a former student of Rudrananda of the Nityananda and
>Muktananda lineage. l had a wonderful relationship with Swami in the year l
>worked with him and loved him very much.<..>
>When l wrote to him then of my problems he conveyed a message for me
>to work it out on my own, which is what l have done over the past 3-1/2
yrs.
I think that it is easy to feel abandoned in this situation, but if I
look deeper, and seek perfection I see it as the Swami surrendering to what
your own body was telling you... that his teaching was no longer serving
your highest good, and your body wanted you to stop.
Guru-student is a co-dependent relationship, like Mother and child. When
the student is ready, the teacher appears, and when the student is done
with the lessons that they came for, the teacher sometimes disappears
again, and goes off to teach the next student. Weaning can happen abruptly.
Poof. End of lessons, now you are on your own.
Having a teacher is useful in the beginning of the path, to build faith
and learn meditation, receptivity and surrender... to help your spiritual
self esteem so you can learn to have faith in yourself. However, the stuff
of the higher chakras is experiential.. it cannot be described, in words,
to be taught in words. Experience is the language of the body, you just
have to make a leap of faith.
Beyond a certain point, dependence on a Guru to provide Shakti and be the
voice of God, for you, can become an addiction, a crutch that keeps you
from seeing that the Guru is also a human, and noticing that the
Shakti-power and wisdom you see in them, is also to be found within
yourself.
The metaphor of digestive disturbances was your own body telling you that
the milk of Chetanananda was no longer compatible with your path. He
obeyed and weaned you.. telling you to feed yourself. I suspect your
interpretation of abandonment is connected to the lingering effects. Your
resistance to being your own Guru.
What you are not seeing in his final message, is his faith in you, that
you had learned enough to be able to work it out on your own. :) He knew
you didn't need him anymore, so does your body.. but your mind hasn't
accepted it, yet.
)))))))))))))HELLO ANGELIQUE: Thank you for your comments on my post about
my former swami. l agree with what you've said about Swami's intention in
letting me go,as it has also been my feeling for some time that he concluded
that my body was giving a clear signal that it did not want any more of his
energy; thus his decision to send me away. At the time l actually wanted him
to allow me discretion regarding how to handle the acute physical problems l
was having. Given the severity of the problems which resulted from working
with him, l wanted the freedom to go to him when it felt to me that my system
was ready for it. This was a request l made in a subtle way in the letter l
sent in which l described all my problems. What l did not expect was that his
secretary would then tell me that he didn't want to talk to me but simply
wanted me to work it out on my own. l thought he might be upset with me. l
spoke to a senior disciple who, without talking to him herself, opined that
he was challenging me to come to a retreat in 2 wks. l didn't know what to
think, and after much indecision and angst, flew to Portland for the retreat
(even though l was so weak l could barely travel). l sat in meditation one
time, got sicker than hell and left the retreat, without having spoken to
Swami then or since. l knew l'd made a mistake in letting this disciple
dissuade me from what my body had been clearly saying and that l wouldn't let
it happen again. l
also chose to believe that Swami acted compassionately, as he always had on
previous occasions, and l haven't felt abandoned. l just missed him, as l
still do to this day. One must understand that when l found Swami my k was
already awakened for 2 yrs and l'd already been on the spiritual path for
many yrs, having been exposed to countless teachers. l awakened k meditating
on my own and didn't feel the need for any guru. K was my guru--l only hoped
Swami could help me with problems l was having in my energy process. For a
year it seemed he was helping, and that was the real basis of our relshp. But
l also grew to love him--not out of any guru-dependency, but for other
reasons: he had tremendous integrity and love for his students. lt didn't
hurt that he was from a small town in lndiana, not far from me, and was about
my age. l felt he would do anything to help me. When my headaches
were especially bad, he offered to work with me privately before each
session. l remember when l was shown in to see him the first time and he
asked how l was feeling. l answered truthfully that l felt nervous. He looked
me in the eye and said tenderly "That's the way l used to feel each time
before l saw Rudi (his teacher Rudrananda). lt just means you're not working
hard enough." That was Swami: very down to earth, and always talking about
working hard... He wasn't everyone's cup of tea, but there was no bullshit
with him. So l think l'll always love him, just for who he is, not for what l
want from him. As far as missing him, there's never been a desperation about
it--more of a soft yearning in the heart. As my process hopefully unfolds
it'll probably become less and less. ))))))))))))
As a spiritual teacher, I can tell you that the hardest thing for me is
being so addictive. People feel my energy and fall in love, and sometimes
are kind of unwilling to see Goddess in themselves.. to accept that what
they are seeing in me is a mirror of what is inside of them.
It is nice to be loved so much, but I understand why Gurus create
scandals.. to chase off the Shaktipat-junkies who are dependent past their
need for guidance. To weed out the seekers who no longer really need
teaching, so they have more time within linearity, for those who do.
If anything, that you were let go so easily, is a sign that such an
organization is *not* a cult, because cults are notoriously hard to leave,
they don't let people go, easily...
> ..perhaps this intense reaction was in some way part
>of the necessary purification process that can be involved with k. Perhaps
>the very unpleasant reactions that l've had when exposed to some teachers
>represent an acceleration of the process...l don't know.
No, it is more of the same process... your body wants you to "have none
before it". The time for teachers is past, for you.. you must surrender to
*being* that, which you are seeking, from them.
)))))))))))))))))) l think you are right about this and agree with
you.))))))))))))
>Given their
>physically debilitating nature, l guess it makes me a proponent of the more
>gradual approach. jerry
>
I don't think so. That is a limiting belief of the ego, I think.. it is
not real. It is a place where you don't trust limitless manifestation to
take care of you, because you think that it hasn't... based on your
interpretation of your pervious experiences. Let it go.. :)
>>
))))))))))))) This is the point at which l have struggled the most. You're
right--based on my experience l don't trust limitless manifestation to take
care of me, and l cannot say you are wrong about letting it go, particularly
in that l've been hearing a voice within me saying the same thing for years
now. But what about the voice of my body when it seems to be violently
rebelling against the energy? Maybe it does represent the limited beliefs of
my ego, but its reactions are still real enough. How do you ignore it when
you feel like you've been wearing a skullcap for over 6 yrs that becomes
unbearingly tight with any attempt to focus, or with a stomach that begins to
wretch when you do the same? l look forward to any
comments (from anyone) and thank you again for your post.
jerry
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