To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/07/27 13:03
Subject: [K-list] dark night poll...
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 1999/07/27 13:03, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
>From: [phpbusnsATnospamflash.net]
>Date: Saturday, July 24, 1999 11:13 AM
>Subject: dark night poll...
>
>>If so, how many of you have experienced what you consider to be a "dark
>night of the soul?"
>
>and I have experienced more than one dark night...the first was almost
>2years and the minor episodes have been no more than a few months....I
>thinkfor me it is the cycle of death and rebirth, over and over
>again...always anew me to be birthed.
yes, me too..
>Tee Gee wrote:
>>After realization, a like occurrance of *birthing* labor happened - there
>>were days of extreme bliss, then days of (ewww)
>darkness/separation/nothing,
>>which overall lasted 25 days. The days (bliss/dark) became shorter and
>>shorter - expansion, contraction, expansion, contraction - it was very
>>noticeable to me as a likeness to labor.
>
>I completely identify with your birthing/labor analogy!
There is a phase of K. that is exactly that.. you relive your own
birth.. die, and spend some time in Hades... till you have forgiven all
your stuff, and find the light again.
For me it kinda happened all at once, and I'll remember that night as the
best and worst of my life.. LOL!! But it also took well over a year to
complete itself, entirely.
Every kundalite is individual, but I have observed many common events
with this phase of K.
It can be compared to the "hero's journey". Joseph Campbell liked to
write about it a lot.. The story of Dante's descent into Hell is an
excellent metaphor, and so is the Quest for the Grail in chapel Perilous,
the Descent of Inanna into the realm of her sister Eriskriegel.. death and
rebirth.
The doorway to the Void, the doorway to the deep unconscious, the veil of
separation, and the door into death are all one. The void is terrifying in
exact proportion to your uncleared Karma.. it is a reflection of your own
fear. This is a protective mechanism to keep the seeker from crossing too
soon. The leap is not made, till the faith to succeed is in place. "Yea tho
I walk thru the valley of death.." Essentially, the death of the
ego-individuality. For sleepers, this happens at physical death.. for
kundalites, we die by shredding the veil of separation.. we go into the
light and come back to live in the body, as light.. Spirit having a human
experience.
Following death, the body experiences re-birth.. literally being born
again.. into the same body..The seed of light that is awakening, come into
the womb of potential that is human, bears fruit.. a body which feels brand
new, because usually one aspect of the experience is a hallucination of
one's physical body dying, decaying or being cremated, and being absorbed
back into unity with the Earth. What once was the body of an individual,
becomes part of grass roots, flowers and earthworms.. part of the Wheel of
death and rebirth. As the body is absorbed back into the Earth, it becomes
part of the Earth, and the stars, and All that Is.
Kundalites are as individual as snowflakes, so the order of these events
is sometimes mixed up.. but one part of this journey is the Dark Night. The
journey thru the underworld. Dante had to descend all of the levels of
hell, with unconditional love and unconditional forgiveness for everything
he encountered there, to find the exit at the center.. which is a marriage
bed into Unity with the Divine, and a teleportation portal into the light.
Anywhere along the journey that is a path thru what is yet unforgiven,
one may become trapped by fear.. stuck in the separation of Hell.
Hypnotised by the Chapel Perilous funhouse mirrors of fear, trying
hopelessly to change or deny the reflection with ego-reasons because the
judgments it represents are uncomfortable... but being blocked from unity
by them, is more uncomfortable, still...
Only the Knight who is pure of heart may survive the traps and attain the
grail.. only those who are without fear may pass under the flaming sword
into Eden. After ego-death, the remaining illusions of separation come up
to be surrendered and released. The journey is a purification, to prepare
for eternal unity.
Of course, we all _do_ make it, coz Goddess provides plenty of angels
and helpers and guides along the path.. altho some do get sidetracked quite
badly, into paranoid realities, there are still people like me who think
the underworld is a kewl place, and return to hang out there to offer a
helping hand to stuck travellers. ;)
The advice for travelers that was posted on the Gates to Hell, in Dante's
inferno, is excellent: It reads "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here".. The
underworld is a timeless place, where every attachment to anything must be
surrendered to Divine Will. In that place, hope shows it's duality: as fear
of the future, and attachment to outcomes that takes one out of seeing
perfection in the Now. Hope becomes an attachment, a funhouse mirror trap.
No hope for the Dead.. only love, forgiveness and faith.
>> I thought I had failed God and myself because I wasn't strong enough to
>look
>>at this with *open eyes*.
>>This sent me for a tailspin in a downward angle for 6 months, where I felt
>>completely disconnected from God.
>Boy, I've been there!
You are both dead women who have been to hell and back..:) Dead and
gone into the light, and the light has become who you are.
I suspect that the "Dark night" is simply normal non-awakened state..
where the sleepers live, disconnected.. but for us who have grown
accustomed to a personal relationship with the Divine, it feels like we
have been pulled suddenly.from the breast. The separation is much more
painful when one has known unity, however briefly.
>>At least when I was *insane*, I knew God was with me.
Yeah tho I walk thru the funny farm, I will not worry coz Thou art
with me. :)
>>Looking back, I can see I was never disconnected... but the
>>feelings I had, caused by my own assumption that I failed God in some way,
>>caused the separation.
Yes, precisely so.. the traps are self-created. Goddess doesn't judge.
I got into a different trap.. the night I re-experienced my own birth and
teetered on the edge of the void terrified, the refusal to surrender was
predicated on the idea that Goddess doesn't judge, and also makes nasty
painful shit, so I knew going in meant losing myself entirely and being
recreated, but I was terrified that the stuff of my fear would be what the
new self was made out of and I'd be a psycho paranoid.. GIGO.. I forgot
about "unconditional love can find a better way than I could think of"..
and was freaking that a nonjudgmental creator would remake me badly. LOL!!
Sounds funny, now, but in a way I was right. Any doubt of Divine will, in
the months following would give me a flashback of that cold back of the
neck chill fear. Very unpleasant, but I learned quick!
The other trap I had been in, that night, was the presence of thousands
of disapproving ancestors in the room with me: the old information coming
out of my trembling shaky cold&electric bones, of how life must be a hard
struggle.. Goddess provided a friend to come and rescue me, and tell me to
love them and set them free... and when I did that, I felt as if my body
was destroyed and recreated, in an instant.. as the time pathways changed.
The attachment I had clung to, fear of harm, remained.. and the year
following told me how deep it really was. At age 12, as a K-awakened novice
self hypnotist, I had used all of the power I possessed to bind into myself
a law "For the good of all and the harm of none".. and I had made it to be
incontrovertible so long as I lived.. and binding to myself also, without
realizing it, the duality of my Law.. the fear of harm.
Realizing my folly, I asked Goddess to send Death to free me from my
self-created prison.. and spent several very odd months, being courted by
the Reaper, and being guided to create an elaborate ritual of the Marriage
of Persephone to Hades, while my inner child seemed to be starring in some
kind of tearjerker movie about terminal illness.. and my body remained in
radiant health.
Buried in the ritual, was a completion of my Shamanic quest. Some years
before, I had become a Shaman of Chacmool, the Rain God of the Maya.. I had
explained to him on day 1, that ripping the bloody hearts out of folks as
sacrifice doesn't fly, this century.. He reassured me that it wasn't
necessary..Part of the ritual of "marriage", was the gift of my heart to
Him.. as an aspect of death, the light under the ground I had sought in
the plantpot.. :) ..and of my male unconscious. Heart sacrifice, in the
way of the old Mayan Royalty..
What is given up to Goddess, comes back, better.. it awakened the Holy
Grail. Since then, my heartbeat is a pulse/wave of energy that I can feel
physically, like I'd been running, even when at rest.. in every part of my
body, even the ends of my hair.. and in everything I touch. I can fall into
it, in meditation, and it expands till it is the universe making love to
itself. The heartbeats of others synchronize with it, into unity.. and it
is incredibly peaceful and healing.
I have led some of my slave-students thru ego-death and rebirth, and
some, but not all, have attained the Grail. I can only guess that the
others were in some way not yet ready. I am still learning..
Last week, synchronicity took me to an elegant web page that describes
the fractal energy effect of the grail very beautifully, especially with
regard to how it creates a sense of unity with everything. Very interesting
stuff!
http://www.danwinter.com/grail.html
this page has a very kewl animation of the fractal wave form that will
make your K. spin.
http://www.danwinter.com/predictions/grailpg.html
larger view: http://www.danwinter.com/grail1.gif
Blessings..
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