To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/06/27 10:49
Subject: [K-list] Tired atoms and finally being oneself
From: A. Erhart
On 1999/06/27 10:49, A. Erhart posted thus to the K-list:
Dear list,
First of all let me say thank you for all the thoughts
that ppl contribute with on this list.
Greta, I'm happy to hear the energy has slowed down
somewhat. Sharing one's concerns will help one to
relax and seeing that there are others who have gone
through the same eases the fear and the excessive
force of the K.
Have had a few strange days and wanted to share with
the list.
Had to go out of town on work related stuff in the
beginning of this week
and really
dreaded going, felt something horrible would happen.
Slept on the train and thought the train was going to
derail at any moment.
But of course, nothing happened. The K was "on" almost
all the time, even when not in meditation.
Riding the underground, a heaviness was felt in the ajna which
became very strong. Managed to keep warm even in a
cold evening without much effort. My friend wore a
sweater and leather jacket and was cold. I wore a
t-shirt and sweater and was not too cold.
The many reports of K being dampened by heavy meals
are not my experience. 30 mins after a steak with
fries and I can feel the K has taken it all away
already.
On Sat morning the bliss experienced in K meditation
reached such heights it was actually painful.
A strange experience, ecstacy so complete it felt like
pain. And then there was fear, a sudden flash that this
ecstacy was killing me in a quiet, never imagined way.
Crying out in fear, the energy resided a little and the
fear went away.
Today, I realized that the state of K meditation, which
previously has felt like the bringing up of something
when the guard is low, i.e. during rest and sleep,
in reality is a falling down to a natural state, much
like tired atoms falling down to their ground state
after excitation.
My fragmented I also realized that
the state reached in K is the true state of being,
the stillness is the ground state and it is more
real than the dream world. I don't know the sanskrit
words to describe this falling down to ground state,
only that it feels peaceful and good.
The state will be expanded and in it, even K feels like
a part of the method acting done in the dream world,
only a play for the ego to reassure it that something
is indeed happening.
Inside the state a loneliness was experienced today
and a
realization that there are certain things holding me
to the dream world, i.e. the love felt towards family
members. I confessed these feelings and an image or
expression of love was
revealed in and of the bliss state as a reassurance
that the love shared with family and friends would
still be present and not be forgotten inside the state
of stillness, it would even be in a more simplified and
direct form. Even the love felt for beings in past
lives were revealed in that reassurance. It was all
there, unchanging and original.
I now see this state as the most natural state of all
and it certainly feels like the much vaunted but
heretofore little understood (by me) expression of
Ramana Maharshi of "being oneself".
I think this state was reached because my atoms are
tired of jumping up and down in the energy scale and
want to rest in the ground state. ;)
Thanks for listening. :)
I shall now go on to be myself a little bit more. ;)
Best regards,
Amanda.
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