To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/06/24 11:42
Subject: [K-list] K and gender / Fran
From: Amanda Erhart
On 1999/06/24 11:42, Amanda Erhart posted thus to the K-list:
Hello all,
Due to a business trip, I have been absent this week.
I apologize for all late replies, this will be remedied
in a short while. :)
On Sun, 20 Jun 1999 14:01:41 Fran Frankfort wrote:
>I'm glad you mentioned this...another area where I thought..whats going on
>with me...and then I read in a K book that one of the symptoms was..periodic
>episodes of homosexuality or becoming more integrated in that way. I began
>to realize that my view of females..myself included ..was skewed by my
>upbringing and cultural ideas..this caused me to try to look at
>women..myself included..in a more loving accepting way...I was so male
>oriented..that I tended to dismiss myself and other womens views over men...
:) I can really relate to that.
I just discovered I do it all the time and try to
refrain from it.
>I was really upset with myself over this...so I really worked on looking at
>women more lovingly and tried to see them and myself as men might..I thought
>ok if I were a man what would make me want to be around this person or make
>me love this person/woman..so I have been working on it....although I
>realized that I am heterosexual..and will probably stay that way, I also
>have a new view and appreciation that causes me to look I think at the
>induvidual as a unique person rather than as a gender..
Yes, that new view is always a good thing.
My view is that labels of gender and orientation are
too restrictive and def. very conducive to creating duality. :)
I once got into a very heated debate with an extreme
dualist and asked him to define "male" and "female"
from objective points of views and he couldn't do it.
In some ways, my sexuality, even though heterosexual
female, has always been "male", even as a very small
child.
Since K becoming overtly active, I have felt myself
"inhabiting" a male body in meditation many times,
being larger, heavier, taller etc. The kernel of
the I does not really change.
In addition, there have been lots of sexual emotions
towards other males in these "male" states.
(This is what I mean by not anyone not K active
understanding this process of viewing things from
all sides) I've had gay male friends, so this did not
feel threatening or difficult at all, just very very
weird,
like falling in love with males from a "male"
point of view.
I've also had experiences where I've really
appreciated some females and at first
that notion was really
scary as in re. "Am I becoming gay ? Oh no, what will
my parents / friends/ coworkers say ?"
But then I thought that it shouldn't be a cause for
worry, love knows no boundaries, so why not just
enjoy the ability to feel love in and of itself ?
I also realized that it wasn't the gender I fell in
love with, it was the person behind the gender label.
When I relaxed on the paranoid
notions, the fear disappeared.
Errrr, Dharma, I think I should join the KSL list now,
so I could expound on these emotions. ;)
Anyway, I sense passing glances from females as well
these days as I am tall, have short hair and a
build that most of all resembles that of a lanky
prepubescent male
(a friend of mine taking me to a party of only
strangers
once said that he
hoped there weren't any closet gays there as they might
get started on me)
and ppl obviously have problems telling my gender.
Actually I get as many glances from males
as females these days. It's really weird.
Best regards,
Amanda.
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