To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/06/19 08:25
Subject: [K-list] To Jerry
From: Amanda Erhart
On 1999/06/19 08:25, Amanda Erhart posted thus to the K-list:
Dear Jerry,
Hope you won't be offended, but your e-mail address
failed on me, so I'm sending this on the list
instead as I know you will get it then.
I really wanted to reply to this mail.
Again, please don't be mad.
Best regards,
Amanda.
<GCWein1111ATnospamaol.com>:
CNAME lookup failed temporarily. (#4.4.3)
I'm not going to try again; this message has been in the queue too long.
--- Below this line is a copy of the message.
Hi Jerry,
On Fri, 11 Jun 1999 16:27:20 GCWein1111 wrote:
> )))))HELLO AGAIN AMANDA: That is really a hard question for me.I've been a
>huge romantic all my life, searching for my soulmate, remaining single. I
>love women. I love looking at women (I've never been a womanizer, mind
>you--just a complete romantic.)
:)
:) Have you read much on Tantra and tantic traditions'
view on sexuality ? What about Freud and his views
on what the id is ?
As I understand it, even though I've just started
reading about the subject, both tantric traditions
and Freud see sexuality as linked to the body-mind as
a whole, not exclusively the genitals, even though
that is how most ppl perceive it.
Sexuality is seen as only one aspect, and maybe the
most overt aspect of the life force. This is probably
part of why so many ppl have an increase in libido
on K activation (as well as K breaking some psycho-
sociological
boundaries on sexuality in the psyche). In this way,
sexuality becomes another aspect of Shakti, the force
which makes us breathe and live.
Thus, the need for sexual relationships are less,
as genital sexuality can be dispersed into a more
whole mind-body form of lust for life and ultimately
a lust for transcendence.
I see K as a definite part of this sexuality/life
drive/ transcendence impulse. :) They are all
different sides of the same coin.
Thus, I perceive variations in ordinary sex drive as not so problematic as previously.
A loss in both overt sexuality and meditational practice would feel like a loss, without doubt,
but I would still expel the life drive into other
activities, as you have done. In fact, I often do that
even with an active meditational practice.
The strongest meditational experiences have come about
when doing non-meditational things. :)
K has also done a few strange things to my mind to the
extent that I do no longer feel exclusively as a
male or female. :) Hard to explain, only other K'sters
could possibly know what that feels like.
So I'm not the best person to ask about "normal"
female sexuality. :)
> ((((l've wondered alot about this too. You can imagine--l've had constant
>energy, pressure and pain in brow and crown areas for over 6 yrs, and all the
>while my sexual drive and gonads seem to be on a semi-vacation.
:) I feel for you.
>I've thought
>the whole time:"God, l sure hope something productive is going on here." As
>you say, most yogic traditions are strict about abstinence. I asked my old
>swami about this once and he said it was all bullshit, but if l look at
>someone like myself who has this going on it seems to suggest that there are
>at least times when k seems to borrow on sexual energy, and if this is the
>case it makes sense to abstain to a significant degree.
As mentioned, the two are most definitely connected,
although it is hard to predict the outcome of
saving up on or expelling either things.
I rather suspect the yogic tradition of abstinence
is caused by social pressures and to curb
overtly and damaging sexual activity when K is
in sexual active mode.
>BTW, I should say l
>haven't been totally abstinent the whole time --l've still had a sex drive,
>altho diminished. It usually leaves me
>feeling groggy and headachy for a long time. ))))
I've heard this happen to other men as well.
One had an increased sex drive, but still became
imbalanced when doing the same thing.
It is strange and I don't understand the variation
of experiences, some have increased libido,
some decreased, some get balanced by releasing sexual
tension in a sexual way, others just get more
unbalanced.
In your case, it could very well point to an overall
imbalance, getting even more imbalanced when K
becomes temporary increased, then decreased during
orgasm.
Sorry, that's the best guess I can make at what is
going on.
> ((((Thanx for asking-- with all the things l've had to let go of the past 6
>yrs, my zen garden is the main thing l've added to my life. lt's in its 5th
>yr and l basically finished it last yr--it now encompasses my entire
>property. lt consists of 3 separate parts, and designing and building it has
>been nearly a full time job for 8 mos a yr. The part that most people like
>the most is also the part that's the most trouble: the moss garden, which
>consists of beautiful moss as well as a water feature, trees and rocks.
:) It sounds truly wonderful.
Knowing a little about how much time and effort a zen
garden needs, your work is truly something to look at
with humility and joy.
>Honestly, l could write a book about it.
:) Maybe you should. Get those pictures taken and
published. I doubt there are many privately own and
self built zen gardens in the West.
>But it's so beautiful, Amanda. Five yrs ago l'd never even
>planted a tree, so l'm pretty amazed myself by it. Local landscape architects
>are just floored when they see it. So maybe some good things have come from
>my k experience after all!)))))
I can understand landscape arc. being highly impressed. :)
This is the kind of thing most ppl only read about in
books.
I definitely see it as a good thing, wherever it may
come from. :)
> Are you going to put pictures of it up on the web ?(((((I'd like to. l took
>photos last fall but wasn't satisfied with them. l'm thinking of getting
>someone with more experience to help me do it, altho the logistics aren't
>ideal--l could use more room than l have to be able to get back farther away
>from some of the scenes to get better views. l'd also need a scanner to copy
>photos. Alot of people have asked about it, which gives me incentive to try.
:) Don't hesitate to do it, in between chasing the
racoons away and pruning the garden. :)
I'd love to see the pictures !
>As l've said before, l feel my process is moving, and what my garden has
>given me has probably been very important to that.
I am happy to hear that.
Every process is different, because ppl are so different, even though we are all One.
I hope the process will turn out to be nothing
but beneficial to you in the end.
>There's a really nice
>story behind it l'll tell someday if you're >interested.
Please tell if you have the time.
>So... this is probably alot more than you wanted or needed to know
>about me...sorry l talked so much.
:) No problem at all.
Talking is always good, cleans up the mind a little
when it is unruly.
Thanks for telling your story.
Best of luck with the zen garden work and eventual
photographs / publications in the future.
Kindest regards,
Amanda.
Angelfire for your free web-based e-mail. http://www.angelfire.com
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