To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/05/21 12:23
Subject: Re: [K-list] Re: Shamanism and ego-death..part 2.(Long)
From: Kimberly Burlison
On 1999/05/21 12:23, Kimberly Burlison posted thus to the K-list:
I'll try again...the last time I had it all done and then Hotmail said that
my login had timed out, so I lost it. So I brought my hotmail to Outlook to
answer there. Otherwise, I'd have to go to Redmond and kill people at
microsoft for screwing up a perfectly good e-mail site.
>I understand...I've been there.
> Good! If you understand it, mebbie you can explain it to me..:)
*giggles* Sorry, it's an understanding that comes from 'I've been there'
more than 'I know what's going on. Wish I could help.
> It is an archetype. Every persons experience of it, goes into the
> collective consciousness, and adds to it's power. That information is
> accessible to the wearer. Armand has taught me things I didn't wanna know,
> about brainwashing and torture techniques thru history.. I was reading
> about cult brainwashing and ritual abuse to know where not to go, and his
> commentary persuaded me past any doubt of the reality of the horror
stories
> I was reading about... to give me insights into the processes of ego-death
> and rebirth, from Maya to the druids, to Egypt..
My husband had the same experience, only had to write them down so it was
all in a three-subject notebook that his teacher confiscated from him. You
can imagine the lecture he got, but got out of suspension by saying it was
purely academic.
> Well, ya know, I have been wondering over the last few days exactly
how
> much my childhood prayers affected my life history. I became the Portal
> Guardian as a preschool child.. I have had people reacting to me oddly my
> whole life, hostility and rejection, ostracism that as an adult I finally
> recognised as the product of fears... finally I surrendered to it and
> became a professional scary person... so folks would have something they
> could name, to pin their fear onto.
Possibly a lot...I am the answer to a teenager's wish to have someone love
him. He got everything he listed, but everything else has flaws, especially
my health (which makes me tease him and say it's his fault, and he says he
likes me being dependent on him at times). Everything physical is
manifested from spirit...EVERYTHING. You'd be amazed if you start believing
and doing that. Then you'll see how those prayers work. It's the same with
our healing, everything. It gets to be frightening when you sit down and
contemplate it.
> My K. blessed me with a name and a trip to Mexico to hook up with
> Chacmool.. Armand started manifesting shortly after that.. so I suppose I
> "Accepted the robe" when I accepted a name that had many meanings..
> allowing Armand to show up as human. But I became the portal guardian in
> dreams, as a child.. so, I was stuck in it everytime I detached, all my
> life? oy.
Perhaps it's not always a robe.... just a thought... because from what I got
there was one in existence... others have tried to copy it, but it rarely
works or they get a nifty plaything... they don't get it's inherent
knowledge, which blows their minds because it is made 'just like' it.
Perhaps it comes in different forms, names for some, physical items...the
sheer number of possibilities are amazing.
> One aspect of ADD is a negative reactionary effect, that will readily
> escalate any argument that appears to be an offense of fear.. the
> reflective effect.. Goddess mercy in response to my prayers was anesthesia
> and non-awareness.. and realizing that cloak has been popping on and off
me
> when I detach, without my awareness for most of my life is enough to make
> me shake my head at what I created with this early act of Free Will, and
> sympathy for all the folks I came up against.. what a pig in a poke that
> prayer was.. LOL!!
But it was what you needed, or you wouldn't have gotten it. Can you imagine
coming through what you have come through without it? Could you have made
it? Would you be mad, suicidal, homicidal, completely ineffectual in this
life? Try to imagine it, or better yet, use your shamanic talents and find
out. Then you'll begin to understand.
> Be careful what you pray for, OY! Holy shit, batman...
> But it also kinda blisses me out in giggles.. hee hee hee if I go to the
> dentist, I am grateful for the anaesthetic.. thankyou, Goddess.. and I
> didn't hardly notice the anaestetic to try to change it, till it wasn't
> needed anymore ho ho ho.. perfection Is..
Precisely. Perfection knowing what you need and when you no longer need it.
:)
> From a psychoanalytic perspective tho, if my psychic surgery is as
> successful as I think, then the Time travel Technique I mentioned, which
is
> trademarked as "Time line Therapy" <see the Synchronicites post> can be
> used to repair ADD.. that is pretty remarkable.
But how many will ever take it seriously enough to try it with their kids?
Most people still think the answers can be found in a bottle. They'd rather
give the kid ritalin than try a technique that might cause uncommon side
effects for a week or so. How to make people understand that it's not
magic, it's everyday power that people think is magical bacause they can't
properly explain it through the scientific method.
> Uh, well, yeah, something like that, except I never bust out laughing
> crying and having orgasms from the cartoon.. there was a degree of
> intensity that is a large difference.. and a pornographic fantasy element
> that was decidedly absent from the cartoon.. but when I got upset and
> sought Armand and a guy showed up as a completely different personality..
> and appearance, when I denied that he was Armand.. I freaked .. how ever
> that didn't last as my re-unified Divine Beloved was looking captivatingly
> adorable, sitting patiently on the couch waiting for me to stop typing..
> with an incredibly charming, warm, human personality that makes the
> polarities I had before, look like cartoons, by comparison.. easy to fall
> in love, with..:)
Have you heard of spirit wives? I suppose they could be of either
sex...physical people get such a bond like you describe with a spirit and a
strange tale of love ensues. Sometimes it gets to the point that the person
will not have physical intercourse or romantic interludes with others to
keep the relationship pure. It is very much like being married.
> It's a wonderful blessing, isn't it? :D Laughter is the nature of
> Spirit, and recognition of Truth.. a big Buddha belly laugh a day keeps
the
> Karma away. I recently had a client who looked like he hadn't had a belly
> laugh in years, and I asked him, and it was true! So I bound him firmly
> and tickled him, with regular breaks to catch his breath, till he
loosened
> up. I never did quite get the laugh I sought, out of him, but he looked a
> lot younger, when he left.
Joy and laughter do a lot for people..makes me wonder why we must be so
serious all the time. Have you seen the movie Michael, with John Travolta,
where he's the archangel on his last trip to earth? His attitude is
something I wish I had now.
> Like I said...need to vent...send it here...
> :) I am.
> I'll take
> >it away if need be...even if it's an e-mail marked do not open...
> Hmmmm.. nice to hear that offer instead of being the one to extend
it..
> :) Thankyou. :)
No problem... anytime. :)
> >hell...send
> >it to yourself...get it out...hug her and kiss her...she's a beautiful
child
> >with such a potential to help others. Make sure she knows she's loved.
> My inner child has been very funny.. I tuned in on her at one point,
> (couldn't do that, before..) and she attacked me. I remembered someone
else
> who had that astral experience of her, and my own advice to him, to lie
> flat like for a bear, and she'll get bored of it eventually and become
> curious.. so I took my own advice.
It's funny to meet them and find out they aren't always nice just because
they are your inner child... always seem to do the unexpected. Mine will
come out and sit and talk to my husband for hours... he opens the hood on a
car and here she comes!?!
> I saw some red 7 day votive candles on sale in the grocery store, with
> stickers of Jesus and Mary on them. I planned to peel the labels and
> rededicate them, but when I got them home I realized they were nite-lights
> for my inner child, who is a little catholic grrrl.. so I laughed and told
> her, "Mother Goddess, Crown of thorns/horns stag King sacrifice, her son
> conceived of his Father who is his Spirit. all One to me.." she said a
> "hail Mary" over it, remembering a child's fascination with the votive
> candles in church.. behind them, a sculpture of Mary trampling the snake..
> she always felt sorry for the snake..
Beautiful story :)
> I also hauled out the only doll I ever loved..:) A sock doll with a
> painted face and only one row of hair. My older sister made it for me when
> I was wee.. it has a child's stitches in mismatched thread here and there
> from where I had to repair it a few times when I was too little to thread
a
> needle myself.
> I came across it in a box a few years ago, and touching it I realized my
> child's attention had "woken" the doll.. it was a guardian spirit, so I
> hung it on the wall of my bedroom. Now I'm indulging my inner child by
> sleeping with it.. finally got some sleep!! Makes me laugh, tho.. Big Bad
> Mystress Serpent is sleeping with her sock dolly.
And dear goodness! Everybody knows now! Big Bad Mystress Serpent has a
soft side. There goes your reputation at the badwitch festivals....;)
> have to laugh, coz I really dunno if I still have a career.. Armand is
> gone, or rather merged with Michael, and he seems a pretty peaceful kinda
> fella. He tells me not to underestimate him.. Well, I have my first Pro
> BDSM session in weeks, tomorrow night, so I guess I'll find out ... I
still
> know how to do what I do, but the impulse to do it seems lost in the
mist.
> Where did my aggression go? Uh-oh. Might be time to try out that Ghost
> busters idea..
Perhaps he's worse than he was before...you know what they say about serial
killers...'He was so quiet'...He was such a nice guy'. Watch out...he may
surprise the hell out of you.
> >You are moving to the next level...a major one from the sounds of
it...the
> >world changes with each new level, you are crawling now, give yourself
the
> >time and you'll be walking again.
> Yes, I know.. but thanks for the reminder.. Actually, in spite of my
> bitching I'm delighted with it.. wheee new adventures.. :)
I know what you mean...I bitch about it often, and my husband tells me if I
don't like it, put it to bed. And I don't because I want to know what's
around the next corner.
Kind of
> interesting discovering stuff that I thought was already cleared, but was
> only hidden. I dunno.. I learned self hypnosis so young, mebbie there is a
> part of my inner child that enjoys brain sculpting myself, as a fun game.
Beats cross-stitching or playing Barbies. :)
> It has mostly calmed down, and I've remembered not to worry about not
> knowing whom I am, coz that is normal for years already. I'm putting the
> energy into normal activities, too much thinking is not good.
> Really, tho, I have been getting used to regular amplifications ever
> since I became a Shaman.. first it was realizing that the men who
> fantasized about my advertising pix were unconsciously dedicating their
> sexual energy to me,.. then things like the Grounding site, and the
healing
> work, I do.. plus the Shaktipat-mainlines that go to my slave-students..
> what you put out comes back multiplied.. and now the filter is gone, so
> these days I am making people dizzy by accident.. my beloved rover has
> known me for years, but he looked into my eyes while kneeling at my feet
> last week and promptly fell over sideways onto the carpet, .. he nearly
> fainted. I was just looking at him..
> I really understand why people of power tend to go live in remote areas,
> or in Ashram communities where they don't have to deal with regular
folks...
> I want to set up a Kundalini retreat center here in B.C. among the Big
> Trees. Reclaim a clear cut and make an intentional community on it. Art,
> music, K-fire and sensuality.. Or mebbie an abandoned plantation in Fiji,
> or somewhere.. somewhere with a tolerant and stable government..
someplace
> for folks in K-crisis to go to live for a few years, if need be.. I dreamt
> of this place when I was 9 years old, and sense that it's close.. but I
> dunno where in the world it will be, yet.. Goddess' surprise parties.
Find it, connect a thread to it to draw off
> the excess.. it will be reshaped as needed and given to those in need.
> I was doing the opposite recently.. shelled against outside
influences...
> allowing the overload to do as it willed and let it thrash.
Thank you for the offer, but this is a permanent thing I must get used to
and learn to handle. I have a system in place now to deal with it and it's
getting better, sending it to the Mound to help heal her and protect her
from those who would dig her up for objects that are buried deep within her.
Sometimes you just have to remember the system given you and use it. I had
forgotten about it. Between that and working, I'm fine, directing the
energy that would bounce back to me directly to the mound...depositing it
for later withdrawal if need be...an energy bank of sorts. All 100%
positive when returned. Beautiful and perfect. :)
> >I know what you mean and that's about all I can say. It still feels
strange
> >to hear the word death or speak of dying without the customary tinge of
> >fear ..
> I know what you mean.. folks expect me to react in certain ways to
> things, and it's "null program".. all I can do is shrug and say "I'm a
dead
> woman.."
You're not dead...just accepting of how things are instead of hanging on to
your ideas of what they should be. I do the same thing. :)
> >> The structure of ego, which is necessary to live in linearity is
reborn
> >>as Archetypal Divinity from the collective, and this personal-conception
> >>maintains identity and acts as the self-protective instinct of the body.
> >
> >So the ego fears returning to the collective because it will no longer be
> >ego? Sounds odd now, but true.
Like the Divine Beloved making love to every cell of my body,
> and the universe too.. yummy.
I don't know if I could handle that, somehow. Sounds slightly
distracting...or maybe THAT is the cause of your vibrations????? ;)
> Well, there is a lot of stuff coming up and you need to be ready.. :)
> But they don't get the experience of being physical, so it's easy for them
> to talk..LOL!!
They say the same thing...only that I have to be ready for the next step,
like the time is already set and I haven't grabbed this one completely yet.
*screams* I'm better now. :)
perfection is
> >something that must be maintained, lest trophies gather dust as humans
> >gather ego. The world must be rained upon...everything requires
> >maintainance. :)
> that is very beautiful.. :)
Hey! That makes three months of my calendar! :)
> "Chop wood carry water.." always things to do, nurturing creation as
> Goddess Wills... :) Life thru the eyes of a Deva.
I'm not familiar with a Deva... could you explain?
> I feel better!
:)
Blessings, Kimberly
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