To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/05/18 23:43
Subject: Re: [K-list] Re: Shamanism and ego-death..
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 1999/05/18 23:43, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
Heya:
I am returning to cyberspace after a week's vacation needed suddenly
as a result of some time-travel brain surgery I did on myself.. I had to
turn turtle for a week, detach from everything and process.. I am starting
to feel balanced again.. sticking my head out of the shell..:)
I sent this to Kimberly directly a few days ago.. sharing it with y'all
now.. :) Enjoy.
At 11:17 AM 5/11/99 , Mystress wrote:
We are "different", I suspect we smell
>>different, roses and sandalwood, not like one of the herd.. and herd
>>instincts reject us.
>At 08:27 PM 5/9/99 , Kimberly McDaniel wrote:
>I'm starting to wonder if that's true now. I'm training to be assistant
>manager at the local bowling alley and I meet people all the time who just
>seem locked when they look in my eyes and there's this communication (that's
>not really meant for me to hear) about being "one of them".<..> It's
>involuntary in a way, but the communication's always the same.
It seems like there are more now than when I was younger.. my body is a
little older than yours.. as the planetary vibration increases, the
contagion of awakening spreads... or mebbie you are better at noticing..?
Most everybody I know is awakened, but I am picky about the company I keep,
kind of a hermit and K-fire contagious anyways..
I wonder if you are hearing the thoughts of their unconscious.. ?
>>The still, small voice within..
>
>Unfortunately not...I had heard that one for a while at that point...this
>one turned out to be Thunder...such a wonderful voice...and then you find
>out they have bird legs. ;)
ROTFLMAO!! Yer funny.. :)
>> Sugar is the only food your brain can use.. and the brain of a Shaman
>>or
>>Kundalite needs a lot of sugar, sometimes!!
>
>I've learned that...and also red meat? I hear so much about awakened people
>going veggie, but it seems I'm going red meat... I get these horrendous
cravings for it.
>When my husband comments, I tell him it must be the black jag in me...
Yep, me too.. I am probably the K-lists most notorious carnivore.. I
wonder if it is a Shamanic thing? I don't eat pork, I do eat chicken but
free range organic tastes a lot better.. the other kind are too full of
chemicals. Seafood occasionally.
>> The illusions of Free Will.. we are always led.. get used to it and
>>relax.
>
>I had a guide once whose response to me protesting to me having free will
>was..."yes you have free will and occasionally you're even silly enough to
>TRY to use it." Enough said.
I think I'll put that one up on my wall.. :)
>> Goddess have mercy on the "Marlboro women".. who dare not sacrifice the
>>emotional safety of an independence that is illusory..
>
>It's quite simple Mystress. The answer lies in a convwersation with Thunder
>about why he struck with me through all I've talked about here and more, and
>why he didn't go choose someone else to protect the mound...he said that
>those of us strong enough to resist for this long against impossible odds
>were the dangerous ones who when put on the right path with infinite
>potential achieve the impossible.
Bzzzzzzzzz.... that one I'll get framed.. very comforting.. much nicer
than "It takes a lot of fire and pounding to make the hardest steel"..
<bowing> thankyou, Thunder.. :) and vessel of Thunder.. :) :)
>I was fully awake the whole time...just a journey is what I'd call it now,
>but then...I know who you speak of....he appears to me and my husband now
>and again...a skeleton in a black robe who never speaks.
>
>> When you approach the portal Guardian with unconditional love, you
>>become the portal Guardian, and then it is you who is the mirror. After I
>>learned to do that, came the even more terrifying part that made me pray
>>for the dreams to end, till they did.
>
>I think I know what you are talking about...I was with this spirit and I
>kept getting told to relax. I did and he turned into a normal-looking
>human, said Thank You, and disappeared. I looked down and I was in his
>robe. And since I've had the most horrible nightmares.
yep, that's classic..:)
I apologise for the delay in responding.. I was partly talking about my
own stuff like I always do, coz I teach best what I most need to learn..
I'm sure you noticed..;)
I did some time-travel brain surgery on myself, over the weekend and the
beginning of this week, and have been processing. Vibrating and having the
emotional instability and wide eyed wonder of a 3-4 year old... For the
last couple of weeks.. since I gave my ADD to the Wicker man at Beltane, I
have been following inspiration, and time travelling to reverse a child's
prayers for "no bad dreams", and possibly further back, to adjust my own
DNA..
I've been getting insights that suggest my ADD detachment and my male
unconscious being a duality of Archangels, Michael and Lucifer, (whom I
named Armand before I figgered out who he was.. and continued calling
Armand, so as not to scare people, after.. ) and my childhood prayers to
end the "bad dreams" that were the Portal Guardian, might all be cut of
the same cloth.. and it occurred to me to wonder, when the split in my
psyche occurred. I have never encountered anyone else that had a dual
unconscious that manifest in quite this way..
My relationship with the Divine Beloved manifest as fellas in my head,
is kind of a kinky 3-way thing.. the polarities love each other, and play
out good guy bad guy melodramas for my amusement..:) chop each other's
heads off, then pull themselves back together and go for beer, after.. hard
to explain, but their love for each other inspires me.
I've been doing some time travelling.. going back in spirit, and
comforting my child self's nightmares, forgiving myself for being a
frightened child.. asking to have the doors re-opened even if it means
revisiting the dreams I escaped so long ago..
The needs of one of my students prompted me to remember a half-forgotten
time travel soul retrieval technique that I'll post separately.. I used it
on myself and mended the split from before it happened. Usually, with this
technique events are cleared from above, but this time I was directed to
dive into the event after.. Later, my duality of Archangels morphed into
the Oroborus Serpent, then an infinity ring, which I gave to Goddess..
There was a lull for a day or two then I became abruptly emotionally
overwhelmed, and now I am taking a vacation while my previously split head
rebalances itself.. my world has become very different in ways that are a
process of discovery both subtle and intense.
Some folks have admired that I seem to be bulletproof.. flames bounce
off, nothing seems to bug me much.. well.. one reason that I have been able
to go to such polarities, is that I mostly did not feel them. My ADD
detachment cut out like a breaker switch when the going got tough, so the
tough could keep going. Not just for wounds, either, but for blisses, too..
even the intensity of beauty would make me detach, and I never minded much
coz the detachment place is in Goddess arms.. limitless creativity.. wisdom
.. the detachment was also subtle.. usually it happened without my
awareness.. I'd blink in and out and not notice much..
I went to some dark places as a tourist casually coz being armored was
normal for me.. "No bad dreams".. Antoine is correct.. Armand was the
portal guardian.. the doorway to the unconscious, and the doorway to death
are one.. Satan, Lucifer, the light within the dark as that dot on each
side of the Dao.. the shadowy "Killer Nun" whom I became as a child, was
shaped as dark Archangel after my shamanic awakening, so I could have a
human form to relate to.. to manifest as in BDSM roleplay and reflect fears
so they may be recognised and released..
My ADD detachment, in response to my childhood prayers has been like a
breaker switch into the Witness state whose sensitivity level was set by a
tiny child who was afraid of her own dreams. Dreams, mind you that make
adult Shamen cringe and want a night light.. :) but.. I've had it all my
life, I really only noticed it in the last few years.
This breaker switch was needed, coz it was hooked to the sensitivity of a
baby with an opened third eye.. the sensitivity that lets me do my healing
work. Now the filter's gone, and I am dealing with a new world that is of a
vibrating rippling intensity that makes getting a deep breath, difficult...
even while sitting still in a quiet place.. sleep is elusive..
So, I have "turned turtle" for a few days, shelled from outside
influences, and sitting tight as all of my cells and memories are updated
to match the shift in the timelines.
Every time I have worked on responding to this post, I have had to stop
coz it was too much thinking and it gave me a headache.. too much analysis
can be a kind of resistance, I find... Better for me to be off-line doing
gardening and other mindless stuff and get my free will out of the way
while Goddess has Her way with my consciousness, instead of focusing too
much on the changes themselves.. best not try to use certain circuits while
they are being renovated.. It's like an aspect of myself is regressed and
growing up all over again.
Whoopsie! Your energy is intense, today I've only added 2 paragraphs and
I'm getting signals to go back to digging in the mud... so I'm snipping the
rest.. I hope we can continue this conversation, mebbie next week when I've
stopped vibrating.. ?? thankyou for the insights.. Blessings!
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