To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/05/09 16:13
Subject: Re: [K-list] Seeking input from other seekers on aggressive
From: Leteegee
On 1999/05/09 16:13, Leteegee posted thus to the K-list:
In a message dated 5/9/99 3:55:25 PM Eastern Daylight Time, nancyATnospamwtp.net
writes:
> It is good to hear a perspective that shows that love can heal. It's clear
> that this was the right path for you.
To tell you the truth, I felt I really had no choice... To have my hubby as
an enemy was no bed of roses and I didn't have the strength as you did to
stand up to him, as you could see. I am still a wimp, always have been and
always will be. I chose at first, to have him as a friend moreso outta
selfish reasons -- for my own and the kids peace of mind. There were many
days I gritted my teeth, until I could find my own strength within, but I
kept my focus uppermost in mind.
> I just want to make a few comments on an idea that comes to mind.
> Maybe ultimately, we can be loving with those whose whole aim in life
seems
> to be to injure us. For me, love came through loving myself enough to not
put
> up with my ex's behavior. The only way for me to find healing was by being
a
> big bitch. It wasn't only my ex that I had problems with. I let people
trample
> all over my boundaries.
I've always been sooo proud of you, watching you grow here on this list as
you began to stand up for yourself, your kids, and your life. It has been
one of the most beautiful growth stories for me to have the pleasure of
observing. Your strength, courage, and mostly your ability to just do what
has to be done, has been something I have greatly admired.
> I had to find my own power, errect my own boundaries and stand formidably,
> proudly alone before I could release it all.
See???... you discovered this for your own self. I was powerless to do that
because I didn't know I had my own strength within as you did. I had to use
whatever power I had -- the (LOL) power of the wimp and embrace it.
I couldn't 'love my enemy' in the sense of the enemy was Danny. But I could
love my own enemy, my own fears -- my wimpiness and dislike of tension and
fighting, and embrace it.
You found and embraced your strength for what was perfect for you and your
family. I embraced my weakness and found my strength for what was perfect
for me and my family.
I believe by embracing whatever is within us -- even the things we loath --
will bring about a change in the right direction. It is still love. And you
cannot lose by giving yourself or anyone love. It will find the way even in
the strangest ways.
> I knew the power games with him were all over this Christmas. (snipped)
> My ex was shocked to see me. He realized that I would challenge him--even
on
> his own turf.
Now this is a really interesting point that came about by you embracing your
strength and me embracing my weakness! Somehow -- I do not know how -- but
somehow throughout all of this, I found my strength. It was_just_there!
When he would begin to play any of his manipulative or congames with me, I
could easily see through them... and refuse to play. Or sometimes I would
just have fun with them and play along, but giving him my own boundaries. We
would always end up laughing with the latter, so that ended up being my
preferred choice.
I recall one time we went out to eat and out of the blue he asked me to
marry him again . I saw he was completely serious. I could also see it was
to avoid something going on in his life -- it definitely wasn't for love as
we weren't even involved and knew we couldn't live together in that way. I
saw he was afraid and thought this *marriage* would be helpful to him. So
out of the blue I said "yes!" "But since this will be a business/marriage
arrangement, I want (this and this and this and this and this and this and
this and this, etc.)". He said "Whaaaaat? What do you mean business
arrangement?" (like duh, what do you mean you could see through me). When
I told of what I knew, he laughed... I laughed. It just was all so funny.
As I began to recognize his fears more and more, I could face them with him
by joining with his fears of having to 'cover his ass' and throwing in my own
to 'cover my ass'... OR by refusal to join in them. Either way worked.
tg: > When you are willing to change your perspective to one of those... or
all
> of those... a miracle occurs. I cannot tell you what it is because I do
> not know... and neither do you. But your own willingness, no matter how
> little the willingness is... to see it as that, will allow you to open
your mind
> to new perspectives coming in.
>
nancy: Is it possible that some of us must be strong before we can
surrender to a
> new perspective?
Of course it is possible! Especially if you do not know you did have a
choice, which you didn't. And I didn't know I had a choice of strength!
Like I said before, you found your strength somehow. You had to dig deep....
waaaay down, and you did it! It was beautiful. I really don't think I
have enjoyed watching a rose in bloom as much as I have seen here with you
and many others here.
The reason I thought long and hard before telling my story was because of you
and Freda mostly and all the rest, including myself, that had learned to
stand up to the bullies in your life. You both had been through soooo much
and found your way outta the quaqmire with your own strengths. I admired it
so much and I thought by telling my own story, I would be demeaning finding
your strength within, and thinking you would possibly think I was saying
'your way' was wrong. That was not the purpose of me speaking out. It was
to say there was another way... and by this way could you find your own
strength too. Neither way is right or wrong. Both ways are right IMO...
whichever fits you better.
Like Alan Gaskins said to me (I loved this quote!): * Life is a big buffet.
It's all on the table. We can take what we want/need at anytime, and go back
as often as we like *
I think we have to look at if we do want this person in our life as a friend.
If we do, then we know it is possible if we are open to it. If we don't,
then that is ok too. I do believe though, if we think of them as an enemy,
then that is definitely a Call for Love and Healing.
Through the strength I found within my own self the round-a-bout way, I was
finally able to stand up to my ex-mother-in-law many times, in many ways, who
was 100 times worse than Danny ever was. (and that was pretty dang bad!
LOL). And I enjoyed every minute of it, not allowing her to bully me. I
think you will recall one of the times I shared when she refused to change
the time of Danny's funeral so that our daughter could be there... and so I
literally 'took over' the funeral on the children's behalf.
Now that I have written this, I had to ask myself if I see her now as the
enemy. The answer was yes. (ewwwwwwwwwww). So it gives me the opportunity
to once again open my mind to something else. And I will. What it will
bring, I have no idea. We could all have the big experiment to see what
occurs! LOL
> Thanks for your beautiful story, tg. Helped me process some stuff.
Thanks Nancy for saying this and questioning what you did not understand. I
would not want you any way but the way you are! It is through your posting
of your growth spurts, that I find my own.
Much Love to you,
xxxtg
* There are always two sides to every divorce:
Yours and shitheads *
DISCLAIMER!
Home | Archive Index | Search the archives | Subscribe
K. List FAQ | Kundalini FAQs | Signs and Symptoms | Awakening Experiences | K. list Polls | Member Essays | Meditations | List Topics | Art Gallery | Cybrary | Sitemap | Email the moderators.
symbol.