To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/05/08 07:53
Subject: Re: [K-list] Seeking input from other seekers on aggressive
From: Leteegee
On 1999/05/08 07:53, Leteegee posted thus to the K-list:
In a message dated 5/8/99 8:13:53 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
molecularbreezeATnospamsprynet.com writes:
> Well, he's not getting my power (submission) anymore.
Connie... I thought long and hard before writing you. As I don't want you to
give him your power, nor submission. There must be a better way!
What your hubby is wanting is the same thing all of us do. Love. What he is
doing is a Calling for Love... a Calling for Help... a Calling for Healing.
And his healing is yours.
When you are willing to change your perspective to one of those... or all of
those... a miracle occurs. I cannot tell you what it is because I do not
know... and neither do you. But your own willingness, no matter how little
the willingness is... to see it as that, will allow you to open your mind to
new perspectives coming in.
I had a 23 year marriage where I was the ultimate wimp. He was a controller
and dominator ALL the way. I feared him. I loathed him. He even beat the
hell outta me once when I began standing up to him. All that anger finally
got the best of me. It didn't sit well with him when I 'spoke back'. He
wanted his deaf & mute wife back. We were divorced shortly thereafter.
He was a complete ass the first time I left him. Reminded me of your hubby.
He was so angry at me, he used the kids, just like yours is doing -- altho
quite the opposite -- he didn't want to see Joshua who was small at the time,
like around 6.
We got back together. Big mistake and I left again after a few months. I
was pretty much blackmailed back once again after 9 months, as he stopped
making any payments to me he had agreed to. I was drowning in debt. I
didn't know I had other choices, so I went back. Of course, it was a
mistake. Became suicidal eventually. During which time, with a gun aimed at
my head, I was crying my heart out, when the gun went off, missing my head by
a hair. I screamed "Help me God!" . I was at the end of my rope and I
cried out for God for the first time in my life. The gun had scared the
peerooney outta me, but I really did not know there was a better way. Danny
walked in shortly thereafter. We got me some much needed help. Got on some
prozak to rid myself of the funk I was in. I went to hypnotherapy school, as
I wanted to open a business. Opened it up and it was quite successful. And
my spiritual search began about a year after I screamed for help.
I left the hubby the next year for good. I could stand on my own without his
help finally. And this time I had a wee bit of a spiritual foundation to
stand on too. I knew I didn't want Danny to be angry, or blackmail me, or
ignore the kids as he had always done prior. I wanted us to be friends, not
only for the kids sake, but for mine.
I began seeing this was of the most importance. I recognized his anger and
other ridiculous emotional behaviors as fear.
Now, for some reason (?) with the divorce now inevitible, it was important
for him to see Joshua... so we worked it out where we had joint custody -- I
had him one week, he had him one week. We lived only a couple of miles
apart, so this eventually worked out good.
We remained friends, even though we were dating others. We spent the kids
birthdays and holidays together to help Joshua through the separation. We
were now working together, instead of separate. Now I can see it was because
of my own willingness to place 'friendship' above all else, and be willing to
see ways and means come my way for this to occur.
It was about 3 years after the divorce, that my kundalini activated and went
k-razzzy, and I had to give up my custody of Joshua to Danny. I had to move
in with my mom who lived an hour away. and I was unable to give Joshua what
he needed due to my own insanity occuring in my life. Danny was always
there for me if I needed him, and even when I didn't. He was now my best
friend. We had made it!
After 3 years of healing from my kundalini explosions, I was ready now to
take Joshua back. There was only one problem. Danny had fell in love with
him and would not let me have him full time. I was now stuck forever to
continue as the weekend mom, or take him to court to fight for custody.
I surrendered my fears, my anger, and my heartbreak to God. I saw that I
didn't know the whole big picture, but if I could, it would be most
wonderful! I could now continue knowing that I didn't know what was going on
and be at peace with it.
During this time I was still separate from Joshua, a most amazing thing
happened. Danny began his spiritual path. He became gentle, kind, and
beautiful to everyone he saw, instead of his usual mean self to everyone but
his family. He said Joshua literally taught him the meaning of Love,
because Josh is such a loving and kind child. I was beginning to see the
bigger meaning of Joshua being with him full time.
Danny didn't have long with this new perspective... a little over a year.
He fell ill from cancer and died shortly thereafter. It was then that I saw
the whole big picture of it all, and now can be truly thankful that he did
get to spend the full time with Joshua he wanted. We remained best friends
until the end.
Connie, I do not tell this story to make you feel guilty, or to change you,
as I will support and love you in any way I can, no matter which way you
choose to go. I just wanted to share my story with you and how beautiful
miracles occurred in my life when I let go of what I did not want in my life
(the anger at him, the separation I felt with him, the kids being in the
middle of our anger), and kept what I did want (the friendship, the love I
knew was there although it had changed forms). As I let go of, and kept
certain things, everything just eventually fell into place.
I didn't mean to go on so long, but it did my own heart good to get this out
to let you see that sometimes there is a better way when you look at what you
REALLY want and don't want in your life. Sometimes it is exactly what you
know in your heart.
I love you!
Love,
xxxtg
* We are each of us angels with only one wing,
and we can only fly by embracing one another *
DISCLAIMER!
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