To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/05/07 19:07
Subject: Re: [K-list] Seeking input from other seekers on aggressive beh
From: molecularbreeze

>-----Original Message-----
>From: Charles Vermont <FunchoiceATnospambtinternet.com>
>To: kundalini list <kundaliniATnospamList-Server.net>
>Date: Thursday, May 06, 1999 3:53 PM
>Subject: [K-list] Seeking input from other seekers on aggressive behaviour
>
>Charles Vermont:
>So what I suggest is that you meet aggression with reasonableness. If he wants to see the children outside the agreed schedule then offer to discuss a new schedule. If he is unhappy with your parenting then offer to discuss his reasons for wanting it to change. If you do agree to any changes then insist on a minimum period of time before you both review whether they work. If you are fair and reasonable in response to his anger then I suspect he will tire of you because you no longer give him the reaction he craves.
>
>Connie:
>
>In the past, I have always approached aggression (belittling, angry criticizing, people making their point by walking all over my feelings) with reasonableness. In the past I was always the one in those situations who remained devoid of emotion, while I took on the role of responding to the aggressor by trying to understand their complaint and their upsetness, while at the same time, I was burying my own hurt inflicted by the aggressor's verbal attack. What I learned is that each time I ignored the fact that my rights were being violated (i.e. the right to be treated with dignity and respect), I harbored resentment. Little did I know this builds up over time and I was hit on the head pretty hard (metaphorically) to wake up to my passivity.
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