To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/05/04 11:37
Subject: [K-list] Re: Pleasantness (holly)
From: Rik Wallace
On 1999/05/04 11:37, Rik Wallace posted thus to the K-list:
--- "Holly N. Barrett, Ph.D." <hbarrettATnospamix.netcom.com> wrote:
> How do I respond to the ego's laments? Oy vey, just after I
> wrote to you I slid into my own apathetic funk where I still,
> mostly, reside. From here I don't see much to do except sit
> quietly and try not to be too crabby with my husband and
> anyone who happens to be driving a car in my vicinity.
Hi Holly - In my experience, "apathethic funks" happen in
the spaces *between* what's interesting, as in 'every OTHER
moment'... ex. "Something interesting #1!"...(ignore this
thing)..."Something interesting #2!!"...(chuck this)... etc.
When I'm 'grooving to the up-beats', then it's all inspiration
and bliss. When 'all I'm hearing is the static in between
and the 60hz electrical hum' then it's time to patch a
band filter into the coffee machine. (a 'sound guy' joke)
But often I like to listen to the static, and with increasing
frequency, I'm finding 'apathy' an interesting exploration...
> The more interesting question is where "here" is because it
> feels like nowhere:
... which you apparently are too. :)
> none of the temporary solace of ego gratification and yet
> none of the deep peace of selflessness.
ok, it looks like you are looking for something familiar
- specifically a 'feeling' to tell you where you are.
since you find no familiar 'feelings' you call that 'apathy'
instead of just absorbing and appreciating the culture
of this unique place as it is. what if you let go of
'feelings' for the moment, b/c perhaps you are, in the
moment, in a rhythm that has little to do with 'feelings'
as you know it (like maybe you're on a purely 'mental'
rhythm, or visual rhythm, or... perhaps trying to put
familiar labels on something un-nameable?).
> The first time I hit this space in a big way was last year
> when I first really SAW that the small sense of self is a
> virtual construct -- doesn't exist. At first there
> was joy, but a few weeks later came ennervation and apathy
> that were bleak indeed. The subsequent visits to this locale
> haven't been so dramatic and I suspect slow change occurs,
> albeit below the surface where I can't see it yet. Holly
Yes, slow change occurs very near where you are looking...
but it's actually Fast change that occurs where you're
. not looking.
.
. You say, "the small sense of self is a virtual construct --
. doesn't exist." If so, then *What is a "Virtual Construct"?*
. Does 'virtual' perhaps mean that it EXISTS as a mental entity?
. And what does 'construct' perhaps suggest that you could
. do with your 'small sense of self'?
.
-rik
ps. please reply, if you like -- i'm very interested
in your 'condition' because i have several friends
who have the same experience. (including me)
hey_rikATnospamyahoo.com
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