To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/03/13 20:38
Subject: Re: [K-list] Re: Relationships
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 1999/03/13 20:38, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
At 11:23 PM 3/9/99 , Maureen Heffernan wrote:
>A couple of sentences in this letter concern me as woman and one who was
>abused.
> * * *
Mystress wrote: >> We choose our birth, our families, our death and the
form it will take.
> * * *
>Who says? <...>
> Not nitpicking here just had to express some thoughts.
>Blessings to all,
>+ Maureen
>
Well, me sez, obviously...:) LOL!! Me expressing my thoughts and
beliefs.. and thankyou for yours. I don't think you are nitpicking,... I
understand your point.. I wrestled with the same point myself, for most of
my life.. I am an abuse survivor, too.. I see myself in you, as I was
before I accepted this truth and integrated it.
Our stories are more alike than you might think.. we are both women who
were abused... even the 'taking in the homeless abusive brother' part.. who
forgot all about that 2 years later when things were more settled, I "came
out", and he decided to reject me with judgments of prostitution and vice..
(shrug) so it goes. That happens, sometimes.. with some folks... (wink)
He goes his way and I go mine.. I wish him every blessing.
Everyone has their personal tragedies.. even those born with a silver
spoon, may come to despair and suicide. How do we measure grief, one to the
next?
I'm not gonna bitch about hard times in my life, coz the horror stories
of my childhood have ceased to be that. There is no "negative charge" to
them anymore.
There is instead the peace of trusting that the events in my memories
had Divine purpose, my Higher self chose them in my highest good.. even if
I never fully comprehend what the purpose is.. I surrender to the idea that
I never really will understand it all.. God-dess' Reasons are beyond the
comprehension of a human mind.. we cannot hold the infinite.
Beyond judgments of good and bad, it all contributed to make me who I
am, here and now.. and I love my self, so I accept the path it took to
shape my individuality.
I cannot prove to you, that my statement is true. I cannot prove God
exists, scientists cannot even prove that Kundalini is real.. I can prove
nothing to a mind that is closed to it, that has been proven many times..
and the reflection of that, is that science _has_ proven that our
experience of reality is shaped by our personal opinions, which shape our
perceptions and decisions..
I accept that, and so I choose to hold beliefs that empower me and give
me more room to share love, instead of beliefs that increase duality and
separation.. blame and judgment and guilt... it does not matter if I can
prove them. What I hold true in my mind comes true for me in my life.. as
Goddess Wills.
Like so many things, my statement is a leap of faith.. for me, the
choice to accept that statement as Truth, and to examine my memories for
the truth of it, rather than to continue feeling victimized was
revolutionary. It empowered me to hold all of my limiting beliefs about
abuse up to the witness state.. give them up to Goddess and get back a
bigger truth. Gifts of wisdom in silver cloud linings.
Love is all that is.
It even empowered me to take a hard look at the tendencies for abuse to
run in families, dump an enormous amount of denial and own and accept the
abuser within myself whom I inherited, give it love and give it up to
Goddess who put it to work in service to the light.. consensuality.
Healing sexual repression.
Everything we see, is a reflection of our own selves.. we choose to give
love or reject.. that is what Free Will Is, in my paradigms.. I cannot
prove that, either but it is a pretty widespread spiritual truth.
So long as victim altitudes and blame had me in an "us and them" grip,
resistance and righteousness blinded me to the reflection of my abusers
within myself. What is repressed, comes out anyways, stronger, and colored
with the negative energy of the repression.
Righteousness gives the state permission to kill those it judges unworthy
of life..
Righteousness about past abuse gave me "permission" to lash out at anyone
who insulted me, or whom I judged as being mean or disrespectful of my
personal boundaries in any way. Righteousness and us and them victim/
abuser separation beliefs go together inevitably, and I think they tend to
perpetuate the larger cycles of abuse, rather than fix things. Love and
unity can fix things.. seeing lack of love motivates us to compassion..
hopefully. Free will, again..
These days, I even look within myself to peel away at the righteousness
of policing bandwidth on the list, that gives me permission to judge
people.. reminding folks to be mindful of traffic limitations is a part of
the list Mistressing job that got boring pretty quickly, and my impatience
expressed itself unkindly.. toward those I perceived as "Asking for it", by
their "abuse" of the list. Yadda yadda..
Now I see it's a load of codswallop, but righteousness blinded me till
the day I posted a nasty spanking to someone for not snipping and forgot to
snip it.. hadda laugh at myself reflected and give it up to Goddess..
I still get impatient, it is an aspect of my ADD.. and I still need to
mind the bandwidth, that's just physical realities of the email medium..
but I try to be gentler about it.
No proof, for my statement, but subjective experiences..
I was born awakened, and some years ago, my K. caused me to relive my
birth.. I was born a week late, and backwards, and now I know why.
I was delayed coz I was having an argument with Goddess.. (an argument
as old as Lucifer, my inner voice says with a touch of ironic humor and soo
much unconditional love and understanding I feel like I've been hugged from
the inside..)
I had set myself up with an incredibly challenging lifetime, and while
it all looked like great fun, in the planning stages outside of duality..
when I was actually in the womb, physical enough to start to feel the pain
of those around me.. slipping behind the veil of duality and feeling
helpless fear... Awakened, and unable to block it out.. I tried to bail
out from the contract.. insisting that so much suffering could not possibly
REALLY be necessary????
LOL!! I am getting a funny mental image of my self in the womb, with both
feet braced against my Mother's cervix, yelling for my lawyer or my agent,
and insisting I wasn't coming out till I get a better deal.. Truth makes
me laugh..
Goddess won the argument, and all I got for my resistance to being born
was a difficult birth, and a feeling of not belonging on the planet from
the side effect of un-activated sacrum.. healed, now.. the reflection of
which has caused me to be rejected as "other" throughout my life, even by
my own family.
Now that it is healed, I can give unconditional love and acceptance to
those who do judge me as "other".. eh, Maureen.. (wink) and see myself in
them.
Look for the perfection. Forgive, and offer love..
Hmmm.. mebbie a more personal example?
For a long time, when the membership of the K-list got too many, I tried
to split the K-list up a bit, into subsection lists to reduce the burden of
traffic so I could spend less time controlling traffic, and more time
enjoying the community.
I created other lists, but mostly folks wandered back here again.
Getting a list up and active, rolling forward on it's own takes time and
dedication, and I was too busy controlling traffic on K-list... and getting
crankier about it all the time.. asking Goddess please help me out with
this.. Thy Will be Done..
That your negative attitudes about me inspired/motivated you to create
such an alternate K-list is perfection manifested. Your rejection of the
mirror of All that Is, that caused you to reject me, and even, to question
the statement above, about Karmic responsibility.. to my eyes is beautiful
perfection coz it also causes you to approach folks like Mr. Putz, who
similarly cannot see the mirror, and gather them all into a separate group
together..
This is perfection that blisses me right out. Makes me wanna dance.
I admit, my feelings were hurt at first, by being rejected... and I
could have stayed there, validating myself with endless logical victim
"reasons". (what I perceived from a victim state as your unenlightened
prejudice against sexual minorities, alternate spiritual expressions..yadda
yadda who cares and so what? All own issues reflected..)
When I choose to reject the idea of being a victim of other folks stuff,
and instead ask myself "why did I create this event in my life, and what is
it for and how does it serve my Highest good?" I see clearly that you gave
me exactly what I wanted, but could not create myself and I could hug you
for it. From a higher self perspective the end result of birthing a new
K-list offshoot-community was totally worth the emotional labor pains of
separation. Thankyou thankyou thankyou. Blessings on your works.
They say, "The proof is in the pudding".. the results.
DISCLAIMER!
Home | Archive Index | Search the archives | Subscribe
K. List FAQ | Kundalini FAQs | Signs and Symptoms | Awakening Experiences | K. list Polls | Member Essays | Meditations | List Topics | Art Gallery | Cybrary | Sitemap | Email the moderators.
symbol.