To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/02/24 09:45
Subject: Re: [K-list] K fears
From: Constance Ashworth
On 1999/02/24 09:45, Constance Ashworth posted thus to the K-list:
-----Original Message-----
From: LeTeegeeATnospamaol.com <LeTeegeeATnospamaol.com>
To: KundaliniATnospamList-Server.net <KundaliniATnospamList-Server.net>
Date: Wednesday, February 24, 1999 12:13 AM
Subject: Re: [K-list] K fears
>In a message dated 2/23/99 9:02:36 AM Eastern Standard Time,
>molecularbreezeATnospamsprynet.com writes:
>
>< I also have a counseling appointment Friday. I really need some help in
>learning why I choose to bond with mates who have such a powerful need to
>utilize controlling behaviors and tactics.
Dear xxxtg,
You know, since I wrote that, I drove my daughter to school this morning and
was stunned when the thought hit me that the 3-year experience in an abusvie
relationship was not in any way a mistake, that it was a gift brought to me
by my own heart (thank you God). Because, I remembered how much I have
yearned to become aware of the reality of, for instance, the situations of
those who suffer from the various social ills. I applied twice ('96 and
'97) to the Masters in Social Work clinical licensure program at the
university and was accepted each time, and each time, I opted not to attend.
But look at what I got anyhow. I still got what was in my heart...some real
knowledge that I was craving. I am absolutely credentialed to write about
the experience of what it is like to be a capable woman, in the sense of
academic and business success, and still become a victim of the learned
helplessness brought on by the incidious cycle of abuse...BECAUSE I just
lived it!. And it goes to show further, for me, how the social ills are not
just indigenous to low income populations. We just except it from them and
maybe it is more hidden in other populations. So women ARE suffering in
silence. With emotional and verbal abuse, the huge bruises and wounds are
inflicted upon the emotional body, and because of this, though the sufferer
may complain of her pain to people she trusts, she is embarassed to tell
ALL, because she is embarassed by the fact that she puts up with his
behavior. So her supporters don't really understand the dark nature of the
entrapment that she has fallen into. She has learned to think she can not
exist without him, and staying with him, unless there is outside
intervention, such as so he can learn new behaviors..staying with him is a
downward spiral for her, as all power leaves her body.
My situation escalated to a single incident of physical abuse from which I
did not sustain any injuries and I broke free. I intend to begin writing,
starting with the newspaper, to help other women become aware.
You are right, xxxtg, understanding the ego may not be so helpful now for
me. I really see this as a powerful spiritual experience and a gift.
However, I can see how understanding the psychology of the situation is
paramount, because of what happens to a woman's belief system, over time
which is what causes her to buy into the cycle of abuse. . This is
difficult for people to understand and why they say "Oh, just get rid of the
jerk." There is much more to it. It is very, very difficult to break away.
It is said that it is similar to brain washing done at a concentration camp.
Well, maybe someone has a metaphysical explanation for how this can occur.
You said:>
>
>You get to begin again every moment. You will get another chance to be
more
>of who you truly are. And if you make a mistake, no big deal. You will
get
>another if you need it. I think what you will find is that you will begin
>recognizing these type men quicker and quicker, eliminating them completely
>from your world eventually as you come to know and trust yourSelf more and
>more...snipping here.
Much beauty, cleansing and liberation for me here...thank you for sharing.
Love,
Connie
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