To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/01/04 12:45
Subject: [K-list] People Bugging
From: nancy

We've all had this experience, I'm sure. Someone we like...a good friend
even...really starts bugging us. It's come to a head for me today.

The woman, my good friend, is a dear, sweet soul. Problem is she won't
stop talking. She talks about everything, often going on and on, even
when I have other things to do. I'll back out the door and she'll
continue talking. She'll call me and ask for my help with something that
I know nothing about and explain all the details of the situation before
she even asks me if I can help.

I don't think I can tell her this. It would be rather upsetting to her,
I know. I've reverted to keep up a barrier of short answers so I don't
have to listen too long most times. Then once in a while, I'll visit
with her for extended periods of time when I have the time.

I think the problem is that I feel taken advantage of by her. It's as if
she can't see that I might have other things I choose to do with my
time. This morning, she called with another long explanation on
something. Then as a by the way, she asked me what I did for New Year's
eve. I answered shortly because I knew she really wasn't interested.

I do know that she's been going through some difficult times, though.
Her health has not been good. Her family has had communication and
financial issues. Her daughter had an outpatient surgery procedure. I
understand that these can be stressful for an individual. But I feel a
growing hostility toward her that troubles me.

I don't want to chuck the friendship. I know that's where it's headed if
I hold in this hostility and keep on putting up barriers. She has been
there as best she could during trials in my life, and I don't want to
repay her by turning a cold shoulder to her. To summarize, I would like
to: 1) maintain the friendship with her; 2) avoid the extended
conversations; 3) dissipate this internal hostility I'm starting to
feel. I'm hoping some of the more compassionate list members will have
some suggestions for me.

Nancy

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