1998/09/03 20:13
kundalini-l-d Digest V98 #627
kundalini-l-d Digest Volume 98 : Issue 627
Today's Topics:
Re: The shadow [ "guy johnson" <tantriciskATnospamhotmail.c ]
Re: re-auras [ "Enoch.H.Haney-1" <Enoch.H.Haney-1ATnospam ]
Re: The shadow [ nancy <nancyATnospamwtp.net> ]
Re: 3d eye (was Re: Query) [ "Hudson Jackson II" <hjackson2ATnospamhotm ]
re-auras [ Maureen Heffernan <morlightATnospammhonlin ]
Cathy Berger [ Maureen Heffernan <morlightATnospammhonlin ]
Re: Sparks of light.. [ Am <heidiATnospamadan.kingston.net> ]
Re: The shadow [ "Paul" <paulwestATnospamstationone.demon.c ]
Re: Stuck in rut [ "Evelyn Niedbalec" <log_me_inATnospamhotma ]
Date: Thu, 03 Sep 1998 16:06:19 PDT
From: "guy johnson" <tantriciskATnospamhotmail.com>
To: paulwestATnospamstationone.demon.co.uk, kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: Re: The shadow
Message-ID: <19980903230620.24794.qmailATnospamhotmail.com>
Content-Type: text/plain
Dear, dear Paul: the changes are sometimes ruthless, insistent and
pounding (kicking, i guess, in your case) the old, safe models that keep
us from having to look, let alone face and dissect, the parts we were
taught to ignore. Remember this piece, that much of what you carry is
from the experiences you had as a child, when you were unable to make
sense of the events and words that flew around you, most often in the
name of love. That piece was terrified (in my head, angry in yours; I
just had a little more victim twist going on)and needs to be allowed to
grow up with some guidance, namely that which is so able to expand and
love the enormity and minute detail of each moment. Anger, hostility,
fear, judgement all stem from love distorted. As children, we are given
no choice but to reflect the distortions we are presented, so we learn
by our models of deception, and social expectation. That piece, just
like the unwanted entities who need to be gently handwalked and set on a
canoe (it was spoken of about a month ago, I forget the details) with
love, so too must you find the source of your unexpressed emotions, vent
them their righteous indignation at having been buried in you for
however long, and take them by the hand and include them in your world
of light. When they peek out, tell your intellect to do something
productive and stick around and participate in a productive way, by
helping you integrate these many facets of your perfect, shining self.
They just need a little polish, not your judgement or shame. (They got
enough of that before...) much love to you, katrina & GUY
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>From: "Paul" <paulwestATnospamstationone.demon.co.uk>
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>Date: 3 Sep 98 21:32:08 +0000
>Subject: The shadow
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>Hi.
>
>This morning I was introduced to my shadow. Not a pretty sight.
>Actually there was no visual input but it is an experience in
>consciousness, the form of the consciousness, that relayed the full
>extent of the hatred that was there.
>
>An old friend got in touch with me a couple of days ago, which snapped
>me out of some spiritual romanticism I was having. I talked with him
>about the past and what had been happening in the past 3 years. I told
>him about how I behaved in college and what it was like for me. He
>said that I was a lot more popular than I realised. This was true, I
>think. He said that generally everyone thought I was a very nice guy.
>
>I have read in some other places that I am likely o appear to others
>as `nice', and I do, and for all my life this has been mainly the way
>I felt obliged to present myself. I always tried to be tactful and
>nice and unviolent. But this was enforced. I always had to repress my
>emotions and say things that were contrary to how I felt, to please
>other people and to keep the peace that I apparently wanted and
>desired so much.
>
>But always there has been a darker side. Only one person ever
>mentioned it to me face to face, and she said that there was just
>something about me that she didn't like. She said it in a pleasant way
>but I knew, yet unaknowledged, that she was right. Others have on
>occasion written that there is a darker side to me. Sometimes I have
>welcomed it enforced its righteousness.
>
>Underneath the pleasantness and the niceness and the kindness and the
>attractiveness I have always deeply been eaten but hatred, anger,
>aggression and all sorts of dark emotions, feelings and attitudes. I
>always hid these because I wanted to be nicer, kinder, more pleasant.
>The worse this got the more it seemed I had to struggle to enforce my
>pleasantness.
>
>I had an illness of politeness on a number of occasions. It has always
>bothered me. There is a very sad line from a Madonna song which
>touches me very deeply "I know how to smile but I don't know
>happyness". This has for a long time been true. I always disliked the
>appearance of other people smiling falsely, perhaps so that I would
>not have to face my own dissection.
>
>In other ways I have found myself to be trying to enforce my wellbeing
>by thinking silly things, such as that I am weak so I have to become
>stronger, or that I am no good so I have to please authority more. I
>think I have gone down the same route, in a general and more exensive
>sense, with this great darkness that is deep, deep inside like a most
>disgusting root thick and stubborn like an anti-spiritual veruca. I
>actually hate the darker side of me and this is how it appears to me,
>and I think probably the darker side of me has a number of weak
>`light' qualities, or at least the appearance of them.
>
>I had a dream in the night in which there was blackness and not
>visible form. I experienced with my consciousness what was there. The
>blackness assisted in isolating the problem and seeing it with fresh
>awareness, in contrast. It was part of me. I was me. This person that
>stood in front of me was filled with an immense hatred, anger,
>aggression, stubbornness, violence, disgust and offence. This person
>to me was the projection of hatred, like an embodiment of it, but it
>was as if a piece of jigsaw to which whatever was left of me was the
>matching piece.
>
>The person kicked me very hard in the stomach in an act of apparently
>unreasoned violence. It hurt, and it woke me up with a start, and I
>could feel this injury, an actual experience of it in my body. Not to
>the same extent but it was definately there. For the first several
>hours of today this person was inside of me. I think it has always
>been, but only today have I looked at it or dared aknowledge it.
>
>Seeing this hatred inside of me, deeply covered up, I am now having to
>ask - "what is doing the covering up?". There seems to be a very thick
>mask, manufactured of kindness and politeness and all things pretty
>and weak, whereas deep inside at the end of the root there is a cold,
>sick, twisted hate and loathing, like a gut feeling, an ultimate
>hidden opinion about everything. It is horrible and deformed and truly
>this is actually a way that I feel. I actually hate the world.
>
>Always I have hidden the way I feel because I was concerned how it
>would appear to others. So I became polite and the worse I felt the
>more I made up some fraudulent farce to hide my true feeling. And so
>it grew worse and always me feelings were intermingled with the hatred
>and the darkness of seperation. And never did I want to look anywhere
>towards that dark self because it was so much to the other extreme.
>But there it is inside of me, a viscious enforcement.
>
>I am not a peaceful person. The peace that I have is a calmness that
>is enforced and pretended. Even that which I spoke recently coming
>from `the heart' was a delusion of kindness and prettyness in a
>sophisticated cover of the other side of me, the side that I rarely
>aknowledge. I have a hatred about `you' and probably I know why but I
>feel that I don't want to know why or to look at that. I have never
>really asserted how I truly feel, spoke my mind, always the tact and
>the interpreting and the elegand on-the-fly restructuring to make it
>sound attractive and desirable.
>
>In some ways I feel that I don't know what to do, but I bet that
>actually I do know. It is all written within me. There is a very hurt,
>hateful, evil, corrupt person inside of me that is attempting to share
>the space with a very weak, fraudulent, pretentious, kind and
>attractive identity. None of them ever dare to look at the other. And
>now I think I have birthed a third.
>
>I always associate with the light person. The dark person I always
>think of as other. Maybe both have precicely the same qualities but it
>only appears to the contrary. There are illusions about seperation
>that I have yet to work through. Every hatred that `I' feel about the
>dark side makes it the hating thing that it is, and every hatred that
>the `I' feels about the light side makes the light side what it is. So
>there are two `I's. I did not expect this. I have always looked to
>philosophies that only have one I and I have always thought that the
>otherness was the only evil. It is closer to home.
>
>I went onto an IRC channel recently and I said that I felt I was evil.
>They diregarded it and kicked me off. Apparently I was playing games.
>I was, but at the same time I didn't want to be. There is so much
>contradiction. I have to learn to love the darker side and accept that
>it is right inside of `me' the lighter side, and to realise that `I'
>am the darker side and that the lighter identity that usually thinks
>it is the observer is the `other' that normally appears identityless.
>
>I think this is true for everyone but this is my own personal
>nightmare. There are two of me and that bothers me. Being introduced
>to this fact is not a very pleasant thing. Probably there is already
>rejection in suggesting that the darker side is the other. The lighter
>side of me is just as bad. All of it, these two identities, the split,
>the conflict, the relationship, the dis-ease, the hatred and the lust,
>the extreme weakness and extreme strength, the violence and the
>enforced peace, is all _here_.
>
>Although I am talking about myself I hope that I am letting you in. I
>think that is the way now.
>
>--
>Paul.
>
>IRC: #amiga, Dalnet: #blitz
>WWW: http://www.stationone.demon.co.uk
>E-M: paulATnospamstationone.demon.co.uk
>
>
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Date: Thu, 03 Sep 1998 18:08:06 -0500
From: "Enoch.H.Haney-1" <Enoch.H.Haney-1ATnospamOU.EDU>
To: morlightATnospammhonline.net
CC: Kundalini <kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com>
Subject: Re: re-auras
Message-ID: <35EF2156.15F7ATnospamou.edu>
Maureen Heffernan wrote:
>
> Dear Enoch,
> (How cool! to type that name)
> > is there any way to conciously draw upon auric energy for health,<.
> You betcha. That's what psychic vampires do to drain one of their
> energy.
> > does merely being in the field of energy change the quality of the
> > aura?
> I think so.Being in the field of a holy or spiritual person alters ones
> vibration-aura.Can you see them?
> More Light,
> + M
i have ecstatic glimpses of mostly dazzling white mist that seems to
hiss softly like ..... well, like static...
it is strange but the only colored aura that i have been able to see has
been my own, which is almost always a bright sparkling violet or soft
crystal blue...
but what i want to know is ...
do you know of any particular ways to draw bright, healthy energy into
ones auric field....without doing so at the expense of another person,
like is there any way to draw upon this energy from a seemingly empty
atmosphere...i have heard of quartz crystals, trees, and the like...
what is your experience?
Enoch
Date: Thu, 03 Sep 1998 17:20:22 -0600
From: nancy <nancyATnospamwtp.net>
To: Paul <paulwestATnospamstationone.demon.co.uk>,
"kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com" <kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com>
Subject: Re: The shadow
Message-ID: <35EF2436.E21CD199ATnospamwtp.net>
> Underneath the pleasantness and the niceness and the kindness and the
> attractiveness I have always deeply been eaten but hatred, anger,
> aggression and all sorts of dark emotions, feelings and attitudes. I
> always hid these because I wanted to be nicer, kinder, more pleasant.
> The worse this got the more it seemed I had to struggle to enforce my
> pleasantness.
Believe it or not, I used to be this way, too. I thought that there were
"positive" and "negative" emotions. Thought I could control my life and
make it happy by focusing on the "positive." Problem was, that didn't
address what was REALLY happening in my life. My ex steels my
money......my business partner screws me over...and I stay "positive"?
Didn't make sense. These asses brought out my suppressed anger, rage,
hostility, depression, aggression. All of it bottled up for so long spewed
forth to the light of day.
Feeling and expressing these "negative" emotions was very healing to me. I
could finally be real. I could finally be me by feeling who I was!
I think that this process for me was integrating the duality. Emotions
aren't positive or negative. They just are. If we feel them, we feel them.
Why try to pretend we don't?
I didn't want to stop pretending because...
a) I didn't want to change my life
b) I was afraid people wouldn't like me when they knew this side of me
c) I was timid to become empowered
It DID change my life...for the better.
Many around me DIDN'T like me...and it was time to find people who did
like me and accept me whether I was positive or negative.
And I DID become empowered. In some ways it was easier being a victim of
everyone else. It's a leap to acknowledge that you are co-creating your
life. Once you do, you're free to leap and bound and play and LIVE!
You may have to go through a phase where you need to feel and express your
anger, rage, etc. (I call it my BBS or big bitch syndrome.) Let it out.
You'll heal yourself, Paul.
Nancy
Date: Thu, 03 Sep 1998 16:34:59 PDT
From: "Hudson Jackson II" <hjackson2ATnospamhotmail.com>
To: paulwestATnospamstationone.demon.co.uk
Cc: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: Re: 3d eye (was Re: Query)
Message-ID: <19980903233459.1120.qmailATnospamhotmail.com>
Content-Type: text/plain
>> I was never able to duplicate that, but I'm kind of curious myself as
to
>> what the eye is supposed to signify. . . very much so, since I was
under
>> the impression that one has to do kundalini meditation to make it
>> happen, something I've never had the time to do back then.
>
>First it's kundalini yoga, now it's kundalini meditation! Sheesh!
You know what I mean, and I know what you're doing. I won't go there.
- Hudson
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Webmaster (n.): A spider who has achieved
enlightenment on its home turf.
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Date: Thu, 03 Sep 1998 19:46:42 +0000
From: Maureen Heffernan <morlightATnospammhonline.net>
To: Kundalini <kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com>
Subject: re-auras
Message-ID: <35EEF222.57757BE8ATnospammhonline.net>
Dear Enoch,
(love it!)
> do you know of any particular ways to draw bright, healthy energy into
> ones auric field....without doing so at the expense of another person,
> like is there any way to draw upon this energy from a seemingly empty
> atmosphere...i have heard of quartz crystals, trees, and the like...
> what is your experience?
My experience happened one day when Spring was just coming in and
the sun was nice and warm and I laid down on the back deck.It warmed me
and I just followed an instinct to raise my shirt and have it hit my
belly. This was after a very long winter.(In the Catskills) Suddenly I
felt to the left of my belly button and about 2 inches higher that I had
a hole and it was taking in the sunlight and warmth. When it finished it
then circulated all through me. Felt great . Like a battery being
recharged.
Upon studying and learning more, I found it to be the spleen center
or chakra. I had read of inhaling pranic energy but didn't know how to
do it.Quess I took pranic energy into myself. Now, whether with sun or
without,(I am a sun greeter,very early a.m.) I visualize that hole or
funnel,door and slowly draw in with the breath. Then I feel it
happening. I recall someone writing of holding the palms up to the sun
and drawing it through your arms,etc. The Egyptians worshipped Ra the
sun god. In fact we used to say . . . Amen Ra. We dropped the Ra.
But the sun is not needed to draw in prana or energy but it sure helps
and I recommend starting with that.
Also drumming the fingers semi-forcefully or lightly knuckleing the
upper chest brings instant energy. (Ever watch gorillas do it before
fighting?) (AAHHHH-EEE-YIAAAAA tarzan call)
Make sure you close your back door to prevent leakage. Yeah your
back,,,,,door,,,,between the soulder blades. (That's also an entry point
to steal energy.)You draw into the etheric body then it proceeds to the
physical and then it appears in the aura rather than directly into aura.
""Seeminly empty atmosphere"", no,far from it.
""quartz crystals, trees, and the like...""
quartz is rather a bland mineral,but if you get your hands on a charged
one yeah, take it out,(with permission) Trees=Way Cool. Very Powerful.
Select 3 power trees on your property. Just feel.Sometimes mental gets
in the way. Turn it off and FEEL. See where they interconnect then sit
there. The rest is history. Oh,forgot, one tree will usually be the
largest. If this doesn't happen for you then begin by hugging a tree and
then just sit with your back against it for awhile. Open the back door
and visually see energy coming in.
Don't want to sound like a know it all, I've just had some great
experiences over my lifetime and the most fascinating is that after they
happen then I read about them in a b ook and say, oh yeah. That's why I
trust what I know . I hope it is of some help to you. And along with the
help I send,
More Light.
+ Maureen
Date: Thu, 03 Sep 1998 20:53:22 +0000
From: Maureen Heffernan <morlightATnospammhonline.net>
To: Kundalini <kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com>
Subject: Cathy Berger
Message-ID: <35EF01C1.5D61D354ATnospammhonline.net>
CAthy,
Sent you 2 e-mails . Get them???
+ Maureen
Date: Thu, 3 Sep 1998 21:26:00 -0400
From: Am <heidiATnospamadan.kingston.net>
To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: Re: Sparks of light..
Message-Id: <199809040126.VAA27414ATnospamadan.kingston.net>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"
. The first thing I was going to ask when I hooked up here was,
>"who dances"?!
Who does NOT dance? And WHY not?
Am :)))))
Date: 4 Sep 98 03:04:02 +0000
From: "Paul" <paulwestATnospamstationone.demon.co.uk>
To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: Re: The shadow
Message-Id: <OUT-35EF58A2.MD-1.0.paulwestATnospamstationone.demon.co.uk>
Hi sharon,
> You're quite right. You need to love him and accept him and integrate him
> into your being because he is part of you. When you do, you'll find it is a
> significant step toward wholeness---and you will also learn that he is your
> strength.
I quite like the sound of that last bit, about it being my strength. A
few times in the past I found some `lost strength' hidden in some
usually rejected things. I think the time I remember most was a
general shedding of a layer of skin that came about when I saw, to
some degree, that love had been broken up and that part of it was
inside hatred. I tried to convey this to some people at the time but
they couldn't see past the idea that hatred is always bad. There is
strength hidden there just as there is strength hidden in all those
scary things.
--
Paul.
IRC: #amiga, Dalnet: #blitz
WWW: http://www.stationone.demon.co.uk
E-M: paulATnospamstationone.demon.co.uk
Date: Thu, 03 Sep 1998 20:04:11 PDT
From: "Evelyn Niedbalec" <log_me_inATnospamhotmail.com>
To: log_me_inATnospamhotmail.com
Cc: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: Re: Stuck in rut
Message-ID: <19980904030414.2504.qmailATnospamhotmail.com>
Content-Type: text/plain
>>
>> >Think that u have to know and experience the supreme through
kundalini
>> and
>> >if u r lazy in that how will u reach that goal before ur death. Time
is
>> >ticking away second by second , day by day. Think why r u awakening
ur
>> >kundalini?
>> >
>> >Love,
>> >anurag
>>
>
>
>> Although I don't mean to discount the benefits of enlightenment, I
don't
>> think that guilt and pressure is the way to the attainment of such.
>
>Going after something with all ur heart and soul is not guilt and
>pressure. Ask urself r u after it with such seriousness.
If you want something with all your heart and soul and society has not
qualms with the thing, one would not need to find someone else to
motivate one. So I would say that in this case, the person is split
between this thing and other things.
>
>How does one feel for oxygen when one is under water.If the intensity
of
>ones love towards GOD increases to such level only than one will be
able
>to experience it. I think these r the words of RAMAKRISHNA PARAMHANSA
Love towards God is not the same thing as finding time to do meditation.
One can find love and never do meditation and one can meditate every day
of one's life and never find love. I believe one should follow one's
heart. If a person feels that she wants dedicate more time to family
and less to meditation, there is nothing wrong with that. She should
not feel pressured to do otherwise. She is doing what is right for her
at that time and most likely helping others (which is helping all of us)
learn just as she does, but in a different way.
>
> We
>> are all immortal. If it takes a few extra lifetimes, that only seems
of
>> importance while we are here on Earth.
>
>How many life times have we been saying this to ourselves. Only one
knows
>how hard is one trying to understand the reality.
Doesn't matter how many lifetimes. Does it matter if I take 65 seconds
to tie my shoe and you take 70 seconds? Does it matter if I take 100000
life times and you take 100010? If it is for you than you will do it.
Worrying about it just clutters and stresses the mind. I don't say lay
around and do nothing. I say do what you are drawn to do, do it without
guilt, and do it with gusto!
>
> But to our immortal selves, it
>> is but a tiny drop in the ocean. We are where we are supposed to be
and
>> all will make it "in the fullness of time," stealing from Babylon 5
>> here.
>
>Yes true but one can't just sit aside or be lazy thinking of above
>statement.
You are correct, but that is not what I said anyway.
>
>>
>> If one is conflicted about setting the time aside to meditate, then
one
>> has not finished with other aspects of life yet and IMHO should do so
>> first. We have all heard about the troubles caused by pushing the
>> kundalini too fast. WHen one is ready, one will be drawn to do it,
not
>> have to be pushed into it. After all, we have not all come here just
to
>> get back there!
>
>Yes very true one should do all of ones duties.
>Yes true the things should happen at right time but i think it depends
on
>us when that right time should occur.
Exactly my point. WHen the time comes, you will not need to be
motivated by others because the motivation will come from within.
(except for maybe some moments of confusion and stress...)
>
>>
>> In fact I often feel that even more important than meditation, is
that
>> we apply what we know of goodness to our everyday lives and look
>> honestly into ourselves to know our strengths and weaknesses. This
can
>> be done through the day while doing other things.
>>
>
>Very true, it's also one of the paths. How abt doing both
simultaneously?
>I read abt one yogi who afte doing sadhanas for many years gave up with
>sadhnas and started helping the poor and neddy out. At last ne day
>Goddess GAGHDAMBA( Mother of whole world) appeared before him. He asked
>her MAA I had did sadhanas for all that years but u didn't appeared
before
>me. Now after i ahve been serving porr and needy these years u appeared
>before me. MAAI clear this doubt. MAA replied saying that were 36
>doshas( I don't remember now wat kind of doshas it was mentioned there)
>inherent in u frm past lives 35 of them were taken care of by sadhanas
and
>u gave up when the last one was left which was done with after serving
the
>needy.
Exactly my point. He did what he was drawn to do and it ended up being
the right thing. There is more than one path. Some are more direct
and some are more scenic. One is not worse than the other. You rush to
see the top of the mountain and you do not see the beautiful deer
running in the valley.
>
>>Life is meant to be bitten into and chewed
>heartily!
>
>Very True
>
>>
>> -Evelyn
>>
>
>
>Love,
>Anurag
>
>
-Evelyn
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