1998/07/17 10:37
kundalini-l-d Digest V98 #516
kundalini-l-d Digest Volume 98 : Issue 516
Today's Topics:
My bizarre experiences [ "Mulligan, Tim" <TMulliganATnospamCentral. ]
Re: My bizarre experiences [ "Wonderer" <mrtn74aATnospamprodigy.com> ]
paths.... [ "Sessions, JoAnn F. (Artco)" <jases ]
Date: Fri, 17 Jul 1998 11:07:37 -0500
From: "Mulligan, Tim" <TMulliganATnospamCentral.UH.edu>
To: "'kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com'" <kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com>
Subject: My bizarre experiences
Message-id: <81145ADDDE3DD11190D900805FFE6EB368E70EATnospamAlbertus.Law.UH.EDU>
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First of all, I want to thank Jeff Jackson for introducing me to
this list. I hope I can receive some guidance from some of you kundalini
veterans.
Let me give you some background. I started out Roman Catholic.
But I became interested in the occult at a very young age (about 9). By 16,
I decided to return to the Church on my own. (My family had stopped
attending.) I became a very religious Catholic, and soon planned to become
a priest. But I was rejected twice by religious orders, once when I was 17,
and again at the end of college. Both times, I was told that, on the basis
of psychological testing, I would not make a good priest.
I went to law school instead, and gradually my new critical skills
began eroding my Catholic faith. I turned back to my old interest (the
occult), but soon began to look at Buddhism. I couldn't bring myself to
believe in reincarnation or karma, so I drifted to Taoism. And from Taoism
I progressed to Krishnamurti. Finally, by age 32, I became an atheist of
the scientistic type.
But last year, at the age of 33, I felt called again to the
spiritual. Amazingly, I joined the Baha'I Faith, but my stay with them was
very brief; I found that they are the spiritual equivalent of Amway. By
August of 1997, I needed another spiritual path. I searched the Internet
and came across something called the Fourth Way. I investigated it, found
that the Gurdjieff Foundation had a branch right here in Houston, and by
September, I was attending their meetings.
I know from your page that you are somewhat familiar with Gurdjieff,
so I'll just tell you what I experienced. They meet once a week. Each
meeting begins with a "sitting." The sitting is a kind of meditation. It
involves scanning, sensing, the body part by part. Sensing one's physical
body. It lasts for about 30 minutes. At the meeting, the sitting is guided
by the leader. We were expected to sit at home each morning on our own.
Beginning in late September, I followed this advice precisely. I
was very attentive at the meetings. We were told that we would eventually
receive a flow of energy beginning at the top of the head, moving down the
spine, coming up the front through the genital area and up the chest and the
face. By November, I began to experience this flow. I was told that this
was *very* early for a beginner; the average length of time for this to
start, I was told, was after about 5 years of practice. I was thrilled and
amazed. My scientistic atheism was definitely out the window. But then
something bizarre started.
By the end of November, invisible hands began caressing me, touching
me. They would touch my back, my head, my face. It was uncanny. I thought
that these were spiritual helpers of some kind. They started to direct my
movements, sometimes gently (always gently) lifting me to a standing
position, moving my head to one side or back, etc. When I would go through
periods of receiving the energy (and these periods could last for several
hours), the hands often came. Then, they started some kind of construction
project on me. They injected some kind of material into my forehead
(apparently, my "third eye" had opened by now). They sprinkled and then
spread some kind of material on my back and legs. I told my group leader
about being "under construction" but she didn't have much to say about it.
Things got more complicated in December. In addition to the hands,
I was visited by what I can only describe as "creatures". They seemed like
a sort of animal. They would glom onto my legs and bite my toes!! At this
point, I figured that all was not well. These creatures came mostly at
night, and especially when I went to bed. I would feel something like a hot
blob, very large, sucking on my leg, and along with that sensation there
would be the biting of my toes. I figured that these were some kind of
creature from another dimension, feeding off of me. I was strangely
accepting of it. It didn't freak me out that much, because at the time I
thought this just went with spiritual advancement - an occupational hazard.
The creatures would also bite the top of my head. And other creatures,
which seemed somehow different, would sort of lick my face.
At the end of December, things took a turn for the worse. The
hands, or at least *some* hands, actually began to sexually manipulate me.
They were jerking me off. It was absolutely unmistakable. I also felt like
some kind of suction apparatus at times was affixed to my penis, and that
something like a very thin catheter was being inserted into my penis. While
this was happening, I kind of joked to myself, "Okay, when do I get the
rectal probe?" Because this reminded me very much of what UFO abductees
describe.
After this, the hands became more obtrusive and obnoxious. For
instance, when I got on a plane to fly back to Texas, they poked me in the
ass. Stuff like that. When I would have my periods of energy flow, they
would put their arm around my neck to block the flow, or put a hand under my
chin to divert the flow.
I left a few things out of this account. One was the fact that the
"entities" created some kind of electrical "plug" on my back that they would
occasionally tap into, creating a kind of buzzing sensation there. The
other thing was that they installed some kind of living thing, like a big
worm, inside my torso. This living thing would move around inside of me.
Fortunately, I don't experience either of these phenomena anymore.
After Christmas, I was quite sure that my little friends were not
angels from God. When I got back to Houston, I told my group leader about
them in great detail. She said that this was all beyond her experience, and
suggested I speak to the leader that came from New York once a month. When
I talked to him in mid-January, he told me I needed to see a psychiatrist,
and that my experiences had nothing to do with "the Work."
I did see a psychiatrist, and I continue to see one. I don't
believe that these visitations are the product of psychosis, but the
resulting depression and anxiety do require psychiatric care. I've been
prescribed antipsychotics, and I take them, but it's just to "cover my
bets."
After my conference with the Big Cheese from New York, I went into a
mild panic. I felt very isolated. I broke off contact with the Gurdjieff
Foundation and stopped "sitting." My experiences were too real to write
off. And the fact that I had been fine until I started this meditation was
just too much of a coincidence.
Eventually, I stopped feeling the hands. But up until very
recently, I still felt something walking around on my bed, particularly at
night. (I used to be able to feel both my little friends and the creatures
approaching me when I sat on the bed - I felt the mattress being pressed
down, although I never *saw* it go down.) Also, the energy stopped flowing.
However, I still feel a constant movement at the top of my head. It simply
will not go away.
One more thing I should mention. This is the only experience I'm
unsure about. One afternoon in December, during the thick of things, I was
home and decided to open my blinds to let the sun in. I usually keep them
down. After awhile, I noticed across the courtyard of my apartment building
a man standing there, perfectly straight, and staring directly at me into my
apartment across the courtyard. He was in his 30's, bearded, and wore a
poncho (who wears ponchos these days? :-) ). All I can say is, you had to
be there. His stare went right through me. At first I tried to ignore it.
Finally, I approached my window. At that point, this gentleman turned to
his right like a robot, and robotically walked away. I never saw him before
and I haven't seen him since. I'm not sure what to make of this experience.
My current theory is that either he was some kind of possessed person sent
to "greet" me, or he was an apparition.
So what do you think? At this point, I'm not sure what to do.
I'm looking again for a spiritual path. I approached the Gurdjieff
Foundation again last month, but they seem to think it's a better idea if I
stay away. It seems that my experiences don't fit into their world view.
(The New York leader told me that *I* was transforming the energy I was
receiving into these forms.) I keep telling God that He needs to somehow
compensate me for what happened to me before I approach Him again; I want an
explanation and some assurances from Him. I feel like I can't trust God or
any kind of meditation technique after all this. I feel like this is all
some silly game.
I'm also concerned about the constant movement at the top of
my head. >Since November, when the energy flow started for me, I have
experienced
>a constant feeling of movement and pressure at the top of the head,
down
>to my forehead. It is a mixture of localized and more generalized
>sensations. Sometimes it feels like drumming fingers, sometimes it
>feels like a web being pressed down on my scalp, and sometimes it
feels
>like a tingling. I would like it to stop, since I don't appear to
be
>deriving any benefit from this whatsoever in terms of my spiritual
life. Is this my crown chakra? My psychiatrist is treating it as if it
were a hallucination.
Thanks.
Tim Mulligan
TmulliganATnospamcentral.uh.edu <mailto:TmulliganATnospamcentral.uh.edu>
P.S. The Gurdjieff people teach that kundalini is a VERY BAD THING. They
teach that the direction of energy should be down into the head, down the
back and up the front, and that kundalini energy is backwards, wrong, and
keeps people from developing spiritually. Don't shoot the messenger! I'm
just explaining their teaching. Right now, I'm completely agnostic about
which way the energy should flow.
Date: Fri, 17 Jul 1998 13:17:17 -0400
From: "Wonderer" <mrtn74aATnospamprodigy.com>
To: "Mulligan, Tim" <TMulliganATnospamCentral.UH.edu>, <kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com>
Subject: Re: My bizarre experiences
Message-ID: <001001bdb1a6$c11358c0$e85c9cd1ATnospamcathyber.TOMEN.COM>
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Dear Tim,
I am sorry you have suffered so greatly. You may, indeed, have
created some of these creatures; they sound (to me) like what has
been referred to as "Thought Forms". Unfortunately (fortunately?) I
am no expert on this.
The Ascension manual by Joshua Stone, refers to alien implants and
detrimental thought forms and how to get rid of them.
"The Complete Ascension Manual How to Achieve Ascension in This
Lifetime : How to Complete the Seven Levels of Initiation (The
Ascension Series)" by Joshua David Stone
http://www.amazon.com sells this book.
In the book, Joshua David Stone also said to contact him, or his
wife, for help removing the thought forms and alien implants. I also
recall his advice to ask God for help with this.
Sorry, I do not remember much more, because I had no idea what he was
talking about and do not seem to personally have this problem (thank
the Lord!). If you wish, I will review those chapters and get back
to you on this (probably after the weekend).
Cathy
Tim wrote:
(snip)
>I was visited by what I can only describe as "creatures". They
seemed like a sort of animal. They would glom onto my legs and bite
my toes!!
(snip)
The other thing was that they installed some kind of living thing,
like a big worm, inside my torso.
(snip)
Date: Fri, 17 Jul 1998 12:31:15 -0500
From: "Sessions, JoAnn F. (Artco)" <jasessionsATnospamartco.zgate.com>
To: "'Post'" <kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com>
Subject: paths....
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