1998/06/26 05:56
kundalini-l-d Digest V98 #478
kundalini-l-d Digest Volume 98 : Issue 478
Today's Topics:
Re: Re: How? [ "Lobster" <lobsterATnospamdial.pipex.com> ]
love is [ "Lobster" <lobsterATnospamdial.pipex.com> ]
Re: Dreams, visions and symbols [ "Lobster" <lobsterATnospamdial.pipex.com> ]
Re: HOW APPAULING! [ "Lobster" <lobsterATnospamdial.pipex.com> ]
Re: Bye [ "Lobster" <lobsterATnospamdial.pipex.com> ]
Re: How? [ UweJohannATnospamaol.com ]
Re: Loss and Acceptance [ AfperryATnospamaol.com ]
RE: Loss and Acceptance [ AfperryATnospamaol.com ]
your close friend's passing [ "b bah" <happyhunaATnospamhotmail.com> ]
Re: Loss and Acceptance [ Mystress Angelique Serpent <serpent ]
your close friend's passing [ "b bah" <happyhunaATnospamhotmail.com> ]
Re: Past Lives and Unfinished Karma [ Mystress Angelique Serpent <serpent ]
RE: Bye [ "jb" <hc19436ATnospamautovia.com> ]
RE: Loss and Acceptance [ "jb" <hc19436ATnospamautovia.com> ]
. [ "Paul West" <paulATnospamstationone.demon. ]
Date: Fri, 26 Jun 1998 05:33:36 +0100
From: "Lobster" <lobsterATnospamdial.pipex.com>
To: <Harsha1MTMATnospamaol.com>, <paulATnospamstationone.demon.co.uk>,
<kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com>
Subject: Re: Re: How?
Message-ID: <01f701bda0d7$96bb1de0$895595c1ATnospamdefault>
Content-Type: text/plain;
charset="iso-8859-1"
><<Now do not assalt me with wisdom . . . my wounds are
>deep enough already . . .
>
>Be Well
>Lobster
>>>
>
>Harsha: I do not know about wisdom Ed. Perhaps it is my tears that you feel
in
>your wounds.
You lucky thing. Healing people with your lack of wisdom. Next you will be
laughing away their tears . . .
:-)
Be Well
Lobster
Date: Fri, 26 Jun 1998 06:55:40 +0100
From: "Lobster" <lobsterATnospamdial.pipex.com>
To: "Kundalini - L" <kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com>
Subject: love is
Message-ID: <01fe01bda0d7$9bde6ca0$895595c1ATnospamdefault>
Content-Type: text/plain;
charset="iso-8859-1"
AGAPE
love is not dual
love is not separated
love does not pick and choose
love is not self centered
love is not pushy
love is not manipulated
love is not possessing and owning
love is not impatient
love is not concerned with itself
love is bigger than each thing
and able to hold all things
love is not a flip flop emotion
love does not go on and off
love does not diminish when you go away
love is not earned and bargained for
love is not a reward that is withheld
love is not stolen but given
love is not bought but priceless
love does not injure but heals
love does not rob but restores
love does not need an audience
love is the life of God
and the life of God is YOU.
--Kaffea Lalla
Lobster Web Pages: http://ds.dial.pipex.com/town/park/gcn23/
YinYana Buddhism, Alchemy, Sufism, Time Travel, Satanism and String
Yam?I AM Web site: http://dspace.dial.pipex.com/town/park/gcn23/iam/iam.html
Date: Fri, 26 Jun 1998 06:09:07 +0100
From: "Lobster" <lobsterATnospamdial.pipex.com>
To: <amckeonATnospamhsmail.nfld.k12.mn.us>, <kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com>
Subject: Re: Dreams, visions and symbols
Message-ID: <01fb01bda0d7$999da460$895595c1ATnospamdefault>
Content-Type: text/plain;
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>>Harsha: Why the need for a knock? There is no door.
>
>Who said anything about a door? I was knocking on my forehead :-)
Come in . . .
Lobster
(did I miss something . . .)
Date: Fri, 26 Jun 1998 06:33:54 +0100
From: "Lobster" <lobsterATnospamdial.pipex.com>
To: "Ed Arrons" <eeaATnospamaug.com>, <NancyATnospamwtp.net>,
"kundalini-1" <kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com>
Subject: Re: HOW APPAULING!
Message-ID: <01fc01bda0d7$9a6eb000$895595c1ATnospamdefault>
Content-Type: text/plain;
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>OH! now I see it all clearly. Paul is really us...all of us.
>
>He has been expressing all those little niggling thoughts and
>
>feelings that we manage to hide from ourselves. Paul is
>
>the mirror of our subconscious.
>
>
>Stay with us Paul, we need you. Stop Laughing, it aint funny. :-)
LOL.
You are quite right. Why do you think so much attention, annoyance and
interest exists in this mirror. Paul will be delighted that he is a mirror
of the subconscious. That is the most in terms of satisfaction that we can
offer him.
For the rest of us . . . He is indeed reflective of our triviality,
tendency to self importance and all the other ego nonsense that we think is
indicative of spiritual evolution, when it is nothing more than mind and ego
chatter . . .
Be Well
Pauls alter ego Lobster
Date: Fri, 26 Jun 1998 07:35:38 +0100
From: "Lobster" <lobsterATnospamdial.pipex.com>
To: <david.bozziATnospamsnet.net>, "Kundalini" <kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com>
Subject: Re: Bye
Message-ID: <020601bda0d7$a1e51680$895595c1ATnospamdefault>
Content-Type: text/plain;
charset="iso-8859-1"
>Paul West wrote:
>
>> I've decided to leave the list.
>
>This boy has cried "wolf" before.But we shall see...
Paul is incapable of leaving any place where he is given attention. He also
likes to see people talking about him - after he has "left". He is indeed
the archetypal "wolf" cry baby . . .
We do not need to see . . . just await his next explanation of how he has
realised great truths and "changed" LOL
Knowing him so well it is easy to manipulate his behaviour. Now . . . will
he reply or wait a few days . . . LOL
What a delightful and living example of sheer ignorance he is (and of course
I say that in an unkind, hateful, manipulative kind of way . . .)
Be Well
Lobster
Date: Fri, 26 Jun 1998 04:06:06 EDT
From: UweJohannATnospamaol.com
To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: Re: How?
Message-ID: <59339d73.3593566fATnospamaol.com>
Hello Paul,
<< I like limelight because I need encouragement, as a direct result
of a lack of courage myself. >>
As an ex-rock-guitar-player I know, how it is to stay in the limelight.
You are seen by everyone, but you can't see anyone, only yourself and your
nearest environs.
May be we are on stage, but sometimes it needs more courage only to listen
to, realy listen.
Love , sound and light
Uwe
Date: Fri, 26 Jun 1998 05:34:52 EDT
From: AfperryATnospamaol.com
To: WEIVODAATnospamaol.com
Cc: Kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: Re: Loss and Acceptance
Message-ID: <b6e9f873.35936b3eATnospamaol.com>
Dear Kristin,
In a message dated 26/6/98 6:21:41 am, you wrote:
>I have never understood
>the concept of why things happen to good people.
.....and I'm afraid you never will while you focus on the external, the fleshy
individual that you see in front of you. But if you try to see life as a
school and people as spirit/souls not bodies, learning lessons in each
successive incarnation, then you will come to recognise the underlying
process.
Kristin, such things can only really be understood in terms of karma and re-
incarnation - a universal law of cause and effect. We create our own reality
through the workings of this cosmic principle. Karma is exact, it cannot be
otherwise, however difficult that may be to accept emotionally when something
awful happens like this. We need to take an objective, detached view of the
situation.
What about the Holocaust, Hiroshima/Nagasaki, genocide in Africa, ethnic
cleansing in Bosnia? This is the same law on a larger scale. But through the
harsh lessons of our karma we learn to create a better life for ourselves and
others and ultimately this will lead us to universal love, peace and wisdom
i.e. back to Unity/God.
We are the architects of circumstance, not its victims. So don't be too
demoralised. Many loving thoughts are with you and your friend.
God bless,
Alan
Date: Fri, 26 Jun 1998 05:34:37 EDT
From: AfperryATnospamaol.com
To: habATnospamtelekom.com.my, WEIVODAATnospamaol.com
Cc: Kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: RE: Loss and Acceptance
Message-ID: <9c7480c5.35936b2fATnospamaol.com>
In a message dated 26/6/98 8:05:21 am, you wrote:
>Do Astral Projection.
>Strong Intention to see/talk to the friend who was raped and beaten to death.
>Ask the friend you see in the invisible dimension to describe/tell you who
did
>the violence. Take revenge by using inner electrical power from your
>Kundalini source.
And where does taking revenge come into spirituality? This is black magic
however justifed one may feel. Kristin, please ignore this advice! Try sending
love instead - difficult in the circumstances, but infinitely more powerful
and beneficial for all concerned.
God bless,
Alan
Date: Fri, 26 Jun 1998 03:17:17 PDT
From: "b bah" <happyhunaATnospamhotmail.com>
To: WEIVODAATnospamaol.com
Cc: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: your close friend's passing
Message-ID: <19980626101718.5496.qmailATnospamhotmail.com>
Content-Type: text/plain
hello dear, dear Kristin,
I just read your post about your friend. it's 2:38 am in california now,
if you lived near me i would offer to come right over and hug you, and
try to ease the pain. some occurences are so painful
, shattering. we try to think of ways they might have been prevented.
There's a book you should read if you haven't already. written by a
minister after the death of his young son, "When Bad Things Happen to
Good People", at least i think thats the name. it's also on
VCR tape, have forgotten author's name Harry k- ---ner(?).
this book helped me a lot when emergency room doctors miss
diagnosed my 9 mo. old grandson and sent him home. He died of spinal
meningitus later the same day. i felt very bad, because we were in
hawaii visiting my other daughter,and i couldn't hold her to comfort
her. Send all the white light and love you can manage to your friend .
And KNOW that she will receive it. i've done this to my mother and my
grand son. They have been seen together by psyhics in my home. have a
photo of my mother dressed in one of her favorite shirts walking thru
a closed patio door. my mom is one of my guides and has been seen by
over a half dozen people. Wow, just as i wrote this i "heard" " we love
you dear ". I used to say "i would always be my mothers little
girl" didn't realize always really means always! Kristin, you and your
friend will always be good friends.
Well, a voice just told me to tell you to "try not to worry.
that your friend will be fine" I think that was from my mother.
Love, barb
______________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
Date: Sat, 27 Jun 1998 02:56:36 -0700
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent <serpentATnospamdomin8rex.com>
To: WEIVODAATnospamaol.com
Cc: Kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: Re: Loss and Acceptance
Message-Id: <3.0.1.32.19980627025636.0165c1a0ATnospamdomin8rex.com>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"
At 12:23 AM 26/06/98 EDT, WEIVODAATnospamaol.com wrote:
>
>Okay . . . Today I lost a friend who I have know since I was five. She was
>raped and beaten to death, in her own house. I have been trying to accept my
>feelings for all of this, and accept that she is gone, and I can do nothing
>but remember all the memories in which we shared. I am not sure, all I
know is
>that I am falling apart.
I can see the perfection in it, but I am looking at the forest from a
good distance away.
This is a gift from Goddess, but you will need some time to grieve,
before you will be likely to see it like that. Too soon to try, yet.
My deepest sympathies for your loss. We are here for you.
You won't fall apart.. but it hurts like hell, doesn't it? :(
It feels like a part of you has died also.. and it has. All of your
dreams of sharing the future with her were raped and murdered also, all of
the love you shared.. the memories coming up for review.. each one a fresh
grief.
Do you remember just a few weeks ago, memories were flooding your system
and paralyzing you, and they were coming up so you could release them.
This is the same.
We can say that these things shouldn't happen, but they do happen, and
Goddess must have reasons.. tho we may never know what they are. And truly,
they will be infinite, and different for every person who seeks them.
What I see, is an agreement made before birth, with a friend, a event
planned from the optimistic security of spirit, so that you could heal your
fears of death sex and violence and abuse all at once, thru empathy with
one who was like a sister.
Do you like your band-aids pulled off fast or slow?
I am not saying you are responsible for her death.. I am saying that
death is never an accident, it is too important a transition not to be
carefully planned before entry... no matter how horrible and sudden. Part
of the planning involves the effects on everyone involved..
Someday you will have eyes to see both sides of the veil.. but to get
there you have to go thru here.. and here and now sometimes hurts.
From the perspective of spirit, she left your party to go to a better
one.. spirit laughs at everything. Including things physical mortals don't
find funny at all.
>
>This has thrown me all off balance; meditation, yoga, mentally, just
>everything. I cannot do a thing. I feel almost paralyzed. I tried some
>grounding, centering, nothing. My flow of K energy has ceased. I do though
>feel a blockage around my heart charka sometimes. I have tried to clear it,
>but I am getting nothing from it.
>
>I am not sure anymore, just as thought I was reaching the peak, I fall back
>down. What a roller coaster, I guess.
>
>Love,
>Kristin
Yes, it is a roller coaster. K. moves in a sine wave like a serpent or a
biorhythm.
Goddess won't give you anything you cannot handle. So She waits till you
have recovered from the last "bomb" and are stronger before She drops
another one.
She keeps dropping them until She has blown up all of your fears, limits
and issues... until they are all gone.
Do you like your band aids pulled off fast, Kirsten the ski-racer?
Goddess has judged you well enough healed to rip a bunch of band aids off
at once. With that kind of pain, first you go into shock.. this is a gift
from Goddess, it makes pain easier to bear.. likely it was a small mercy
offered to your friend as well.
A rabbit's heart will stop out of terror before the jaws of the fox close
on it. Such are the mercies of Nature. Shock and disassociation are the
escape valves of the human mind. That is why the death has an unreal
quality to it, now.
That is why funerals are held three days later. They are a "reality
check" ritual that brings people out of shock and into mourning.
You are in shock. Be gentle with yourself, and know that it will pass.
When the shock has passed, and you can breathe again, there will be
tears. The hurt emotions will release with the tears, regrets and love.
Sometime after that, perhaps in months, will come anger. The anger may
take you by surprise, sweeping thru you like a sudden storm in response to
a provocative synchronicity... but it can be cleansing and positive.
Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) came from the anger of grief.
Likewise, for you I think your righteous anger and your love and passion
will combine to inspire a vision of your mission this lifetime. Then you
won't be lost anymore, you will have found your true self.
That is the light I see at the end of the tunnel, but I dunno if you can
see it from where you sit.
It will be, when waiting is filled.
Right now, don't worry about any of that, and just focus on breathing
past the pain. Your K. has not stopped, but the trickle you are getting in
your upset state is too busy healing you to leave leftover tingles.
Right now, you are dealing with love turning into pain again, and you
must give yourself some time to grieve. It is perfectly OK to cry and yell
and shake your fist at Goddess. She will understand.
Grieving is natural, when a beautiful thing dies, it hurts. You will miss
your friend.
Each of these memories, and the pain you feel of loss, are a tribute to
the loving bond you shared.
Every moment that you had together, every experience and every memory is
a gift of Goddess. When you are ready, begin to offer gratitude to Goddess
for blessing you with such a wonderful friend, whenever the memories come
up. Offer gratitude for the pain too, it is evidence of your love.
Then give the memories back whence they came.. give them up to Goddess
one by one and let them pass thru you without other judgment as they come
up to be reviewed and released.
As the memories are offered gratitude and released, they will wear away
the blockage around your heart, the pain under your ribs. Those blockages
represent a lot of your ideas about who you are, and even about who Goddess
is.
They are too big a chunk of your ego to release all at once. Give it time.
Blessings, Mystress.
Date: Fri, 26 Jun 1998 03:40:20 PDT
From: "b bah" <happyhunaATnospamhotmail.com>
To: WEIVODAATnospamaol.com
Cc: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: your close friend's passing
Message-ID: <19980626104020.10200.qmailATnospamhotmail.com>
Content-Type: text/plain
hello dear, dear Kristin,
I just read your post about your friend. it's 2:38 am in california now,
if you lived near me i would offer to come right over and hug you, and
try to ease the pain. some occurences are so painful
, shattering. we try to think of ways they might have been prevented.
There's a book you should read if you haven't already. written by a
minister after the death of his young son, "When Bad Things Happen to
Good People", at least i think thats the name. it's also on
VCR tape, have forgotten author's name Harry k- ---ner(?).
this book helped me a lot when emergency room doctors miss
diagnosed my 9 mo. old grandson and sent him home. He died of spinal
meningitus later the same day. i felt very bad, because we were in
hawaii visiting my other daughter,and i couldn't hold her to comfort
her. Send all the white light and love you can manage to your friend .
And KNOW that she will receive it. i've done this to my mother and my
grand son. They have been seen together by psyhics in my home. have a
photo of my mother dressed in one of her favorite shirts walking thru
a closed patio door. my mom is one of my guides and has been seen by
over a half dozen people. Wow, just as i wrote this i "heard" " we love
you dear ". I used to say "i would always be my mothers little
girl" didn't realize always really means always! Kristin, you and your
friend will always be good friends.
Well, a voice just told me to tell you to "try not to worry.
that your friend will be fine" I think that was from my mother.
Love, barb
______________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
Date: Sat, 27 Jun 1998 03:48:39 -0700
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent <serpentATnospamdomin8rex.com>
To: "Wonderer" <mrtn74aATnospamprodigy.com>
Cc: "Dhyani \"Debbie\"" <debhATnospammindspring.com>,
"Kundalini list" <kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com>
Subject: Re: Past Lives and Unfinished Karma
Message-Id: <3.0.1.32.19980627034839.00c29ac4ATnospamdomin8rex.com>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"
Wonderer wrote:
> I thought I had not
>suffered enough in the previous life and that was the reason I was
>being returned. I now see the flaw in that logic, because I have
>learned that suffering is totally unnecessary to spiritual growth.
You have learned it now in this plane, but you knew it already before you
came in. You structured the suffering so that it would be a focus of your
attention long enough to realize what you know. Everything is already
happening in your highest good.
>
>It is surprising but everything that happens to us has been agreed to
>by all parties. We just may not remember. I try to stay conscious
>and realize what I am agreeing to. <...>
You gonna go crazy worrying at that rate. You are trying to exercise
control in a place more suited to surrender. You cannot ever know all of
the manifold repercussions of any decision you make. Consciousness isn't
big enough to comprehend all of the ripples in the hologram.
Time to give up the decision making, leave it All up to Goddess to decide,
in your highest good and with harm to none.. remembering always that
unconditional love and limitless creative manifestation can easily come up
with something more wondrous and fabulous than your consciousness could
ever think of... for any situation.
You have developed a good habit of mindfulness, fueled by your fear of
making a wrong decision. Bonus. Now turn that mindfulness to giving the
decision making up to Goddess to handle, each time it comes up.
Goddess will give you back something better, in reward for your faith.
Good deal, eh?
Every fearful thought.. every worry... is coming from your egoic free
will which is a gift of Goddess.. so give to Goddess what belongs to
Goddess and send all that old karmic junk out of your head in a river of
white light.
> But it helps understanding
>that all parties, on a higher and more evolved plane of
>consciousness, agreed.
There are no accidents, and the pain of K-comes of the resistance.
Yes indeedy.. you agreed to it all long ago.. so why are you still
worrying about it? The decisions you think you are making you were led to
make.
>Life is still very bizarre, and I'm still left wondering ... That is
>why my e-mail name is Wonderer.
>
>Cathy
>
Well, as long as you are hanging onto the old karma by pinning it down
and dissecting it like the pickled frogs in grade 8 biology, it will be
there for you to wonder about.
Your ego can come up with "reasons", under the excuse of offering
"lessons" and "understanding", forever, and it does not mean a thing. It is
simply the game of resistance ego likes to play when K. asks to flush out
some old grotty karma. Ego gets pain from the resistance, which reaffirms
for it that it is alive and separate from Goddess.. and you agreed you did
not want to "learn" like that anymore.
The more you hang on to wondering and reasons, the more energy you put in
resistance to the K. which is only showing you these movies coz it is
cleaning your closets politely and wants permission to throw them all away
so it can give you something better.
Things happen because Goddess wills it. End of reasons.
When you can encompass the mind of Goddess, you will know why. If you are
lucky She might decide to let you see the big picture before you pass on,
and you will understand a little, but if it seems She does not, it is coz
your brain isn't big enough to hold it.
Decide to get out of the past, unpin the poor froggies and give them a
decent burial, so they can turn back into the mud and sunshine from whence
they sprang. You can learn a lot more about them by watching them hopping
around, alive in the moment than by taking apart ones that are long dead.
Release all your ideas about what you think you have learned, and ask for
something even better.
Blessings, Mystress.
Date: Fri, 26 Jun 1998 13:27:03 +0100
From: "jb" <hc19436ATnospamautovia.com>
To: "K. list" <kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com>,
"Paul West" <paulATnospamstationone.demon.co.uk>
Subject: RE: Bye
Message-ID: <000001bda0fd$b9c4e2a0$156335c3ATnospamjb>
Content-Type: text/plain;
charset="iso-8859-1"
Paul:
> Hello.
> I've decided to leave the list.
Jan: You have done so some time ago, remember... And then, you have no
problems with lies.
Paul: I cannot control my urge to make
> something of myself,
Jan: IMHO, you cannot control ANY urge...
Paul: and I cannot resist make mountains out of
> molehills.
Jan: I know, you were not bitten by a dog but by a mosquito....
Paul: I am not bitter. There's just too much to cope with. I am
> not going to lurk and do not have plans for the future. Staying here
> only seems to further my desire to be wanted.
Jan: Take a few dogs as pets, they will satisfy your feelings to be wanted
to the full and they will always listen to all the spoken episodes of your
diary. Maybe you could even learn from these animals what is missing with
you.
Paul: I need to be alone for a
> while to confront myself.
Jan: You have to be kidding: How can you ever be alone with the tempest of
self-concerned thoughts that is raging inside of you?
Paul: I wish you well.
Jan: I wish you well too. But then I know wishing won't do for you...
Date: Fri, 26 Jun 1998 13:27:12 +0100
From: "jb" <hc19436ATnospamautovia.com>
To: "K. list" <kundalini-lATnospamlists.execpc.com>, <WEIVODAATnospamaol.com>
Subject: RE: Loss and Acceptance
Message-ID: <000101bda0fd$bef15920$156335c3ATnospamjb>
Content-Type: text/plain;
charset="iso-8859-1"
Dear Kristin,
The death of a dear one is something we all have to accept. At times it
seems to be that only injustice is at work. I remember a story about a woman
loosing a child. The Buddha ordered her to collect a seed from every family
that hadn't been struck with the loss of a loved one. Of course, the woman
returned to the Buddha empty-handed but she knew, she wasn't alone in her
suffering and was ready to accept his teachings. So nobody will escape these
tragic events and neither did I. My brother got asthma at a very young age.
When he was 15, I taught him enough of pranayama to keep free from
medicines. He even became the best in running with sports class. But one
day, when he was alone with his sister, he got an asthma attack that killed
him. It was the least expected and yet everyone could guess what had
happened. But there is nothing one can do and revenge will only make things
worse, because some day you will have to pay the price for it: more
suffering.
Jan
Date: 26 Jun 98 13:32:11 +0000
From: "Paul West" <paulATnospamstationone.demon.co.uk>
To: kundalini-lATnospamexecpc.com
Subject: .
Message-Id: <3593A0F1.MD-0.196.paulATnospamstationone.demon.co.uk>
Friends,
Last night I unsubscribed from the list. I did not think I would
return. Everything just got too much. Also last night BBC1 television
screened a man dying. In hindsight there were a lot of
synchronicities.
But I did not see this coming (as is always the case)...
I went to bed, slept, and dreampt.
I was in some desolate, desert place with cactus' and a very dusty
ground. It was hot and hazy. A herd of cattle and horses began a
stampede towards me. There was a great state of panic. A man with a
shotgun came near, he was the enemy and was trying to shoot down my
friends. I tried to take hold of the barrel of his gun to point it
back at him. This kind of worked. But then there was a kind of cult,
and several members were trying to escape. We were on a hillside now.
Some were shot and some fled. I snatched a jet-black handgun from
somebody and began to shoot. I shot down several of the cult members.
One woman fled over the hill and she was crazed, so I had to shoot
her. The gun stopped being automatic. A voice from nowhere said "you
have to use it manually now". The gun had no trigger. I searched and
there was a pushbutton on the rear, and upon pressing it a bullet was
fired. The bullets were black and they just appeared inside the
target. The panic was dying down and everyone seemed contained. I
stood and listened in on a conversation between a man and a boy.
The boy then walked up the hill. From where we stood the hazy sky
looked like the ocean. The hill was steep and looking to its summit
made one feel close to the ocean. The boy looked nothing like me, he
had black hair, but it was me. I had to follow him in case he tried to
escape. He was adamant that the ocean was just beyond the hill. We got
to the top and the ocean was indeed close but there was a field
between us. He asserted that he could have it. He was my ego. Suddenly
the horizon leapt into the distance and all that could be seen was
countryside.
The boy, me, then realised. He said words to the effect "I have wasted
my whole life trying to chase the horizon. I can't believe I did
that!". He was never going to do it again. The scene altered and I was
now in bed, sitting up. The boy and I were one person. My forehead
seemed so far forward it almost ached to burst. My body from shoulders
upwards ignited with k massaging vibrations. They were very intense,
but there was such /quality/. And I was having an emotion. It was
practically undescribable. It was so deep, so selfless. It had such a
quality about it, and was so intensely spritual. There was no need to
do anything. I just sat there and it just happened and stayed
happening for quite some time. As I was about to wonder if I should be
stopping it now, the thought died away and the state continued. It was
like nothing I had ever experienced in my whole life. It was so
contemplative and deep. The young boy had shattered his reality.
This is about where I `woke up'. In the following half hour or so,
apart from recalling the event I had small episodes of k activity.
Mostly in the same region. It was not just my crown chakra, it was my
entire head, all the way through. The heart chakra raced and the brow
chakra bubbled. Normal life seems so unfortunate now. I see a grim
pointlessness in the life I am accustomed to.
I now know why I delight at being close to the sea.
Fondly,
--
Paul.
IRC: #amiga, Dalnet: #blitz
WWW: http://www.stationone.demon.co.uk
E-M: paulATnospamstationone.demon.co.uk
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