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What sort of Child Were you pollNineteen people responded to the "What sort of child were you?" poll. It's interesting that a number of people experienced an "otherness" as young children. These excerpts I'm putting first, followed by excerpts of a more general nature.
Introspection and/or imagination figured in most of our childhoods. Most of us also mentioned being quite shy and introverted. Many felt "different" as they were growing up, and many also described themselves as loners.
The following is a short list of some traits most frequently mentioned.
9 people said they were shy. 1 alternated shy and sunny. Two specifically said
they were Not shy
A terrified and abused one. Who's only escape was through the "other side"
I was fascinated by reincarnation by the age of 10 and also read horror stories like crazy. I knew that spirit mattered, but didn't think church did.
it was during adolescence that I started observing that I really didnít want to come to this world of separateness and ended up coming anyway. I also realized that my reactions to the world were reactions to not wanting to be here in the relative realm (thatís how I call our ďrealityĒ) and its duality. Iíve been always eager to go back home (what I call the absolute realm).
More complete excerpts:
What kind of child ?
Some key words: introspective, clever, mischievous, perma-prozzak, curious, and whatever the word is contrary to 'shy' (brat?).
I had one source of spirituality as a kid; my paternal grandmother would always tell my stories about Jesus and we'd sing some rock-n-roll type hymns together. She had tried about 20 or 25 different denominations and they all gave her the boot for being more devoted to God than to the church. So when K went active as age 21 this was the first thing that cleared: Most of our family considered my granny to be a bit wacked-out, even my dad. But under the K influence I realized she was indeed very close to God and should not be shunned for her "eccentricities"
there you have it: Sci-fi/Fantasy, connection to the Earth, Loner, Spiritual Seeker.
> What sort of child were you?
At home as a child, I did "shows" for my parents. My mom wrote in my baby book when I was three "has theatrical tendencies." I also remember, at three, sitting in the TV room of our tiny house in a tiny town in Arkansas in the early 60s, watching the 5:00 news from a nearby small town. And I remember very clearly, at that tender age, thinking that this was a very small and provincial place that I lived in. ...
As an older child (10 or 11), I had obsessions with Joan of Arc and the Salem
Witch Trials and the Burning Times. Did a lot of reading on these subjects.
Also Sybil Leek and other witchy-type people. Later became obsessed with the
subjects of execution, Jack the Ripper, famous horrible murders (Manson,
etc.) and the Holocaust. ...
... I had a childhood full of familial pain and some joys. I always had a feeling that I was different and that something "big" was going to happen to me as an adult. I became a theater major in college and thought then that the "big" something would be acting fame. Now I think it was/may be something else.
A terrified and abused one. Who's only escape was through the "other side"
I was a paradox. sometimes very shy, sometimes very sunny. There is a couple of things that were always present though.
The first one was that I was very much a loner. I grew up on a farm so there was lots of space to wander. Wander I did, mostly alone. I didn't like the games and stuff of the other kids. Seemed like a waste of time to me.
The second thing was I was a researcher. I don't mean I did well in school, I didn't. School felt more like jail to me than a place of learning. I didn't fit in. I felt very out of place in school.
...for example, when I was 2, I became fasinated with bugs. Lasted a couple of years. By the time I was 4, I could tell you anything you wanted to know about them. Except what they were called.
I could tell you how they moved and how fast, where they could be found. From there it was rocks. Clouds I think cam next. By the time I was 14 I was studying religion and the occult. I had a feroious apetite for new things. I am still like that today.
I'm amazed at how similar we seem. I, too, was a very serious and solitary child. Quiet, but had a lot going in inside. I was endlessly making up stories and acting. I did theater in school (and some more recently), and always thought I was special somehow. I was fascinated by reincarnation by the age of 10 and also read horror stories like crazy. I knew that spirit mattered, but didn't think church did. (Still don't, not for me.) My father was emotionally/verbally abusive, extremely volatile and out of control with his anger. It led me to internalize a lot of crap that I eventually got out through spiritual/psychological growth practices. I grew up in a rural town, practically lived in the woods during my adolescence, but am not really a nature girl. I always had this endless capacity for make-believe (usually dramatic grown-up stuff, even at age 5, my parents would have been shocked). I was also very ready to placate everyone. I'd do things to be my sister's sweetie-pie without a second thought.
My Father is an alcoholic, but thank god he was able to control his
problem about 8 years ago.
I can't remember much at all about my childhood. Apparently I was a very stroppy baby - yelled a lot and chucked food around etc, but also showed great interest in the world around me. I can remember being a bit of a black sheep at primary school - never really had a best friend and got into a few fights... i can't remember being strongly happy or unhappy - just neutral really. I can remember though getting lost in my own fantasy worlds - making maps of the garden, having my own secret codes and language etc, loving fantasy fiction - CS Lewis etc. Also waking up at 3am, opening the window and smelling the early morning air and feeling immensely happy. I was very imaginative and fully indulged this in drawing, music, acting etc...
I was very sensitive and scared too. It didn't take much to make me cry. I was highly anxious and worried about everything. A key event was getting a kids encyclopedia and turning to a page with a picture of the William Blake painting of the Entrance to Hell, which absolutely terrified me and I never looked at that book again. Interesting since the hell of 'mental illness' has been a big theme of my life.
...got chucked out of pottery club at 11 for being disruptive. I liked to rock boats and shock, more so when getting into teenage years. Two years before K kicked in at 16 I remember getting moody, depressed, searching... everything seemed grey and boring - there must be more to life than this type thing. Then K started and it's been one long firework display ever since.
Funny how alike we are... or perhaps only the wounded ones are posting?
Snapshot autobiography. Personal Mythology..
Born a week late and backwards. When K. caused me to relive my own birth, I found out why. I did not want to come out... an argument with duality, realizing at last minute that it was scary out there...
During the ego death that immediately followed reliving my own birth, I
found myself facing off with hundreds of ancestors... for daring to be
At age two I woke in the middle of the night from a vivid, more real
than life lucid dream of this amazing blissful loving light that said I was
it's child. Waking, I was pulled away, back through a tunnel and it was
immediate and urgent priority to get back there!
I remembered myself as a quiet child till I mentioned that to my older sister and she laughed in my face and said I had been loud, prone to screaming temper tantrums. This puzzled me. I dug up the memories and discovered they had no soundtrack. I did some research on memories that have no soundtrack and discovered it is a symptom of clinical detachment... like how some people describe a car accident as being in slow motion and quiet... they cannot hear themselves screaming.
I was also having wicked Night terrors of this great black shadow monster who killed me over and over, and I would wake to see monsters in every shadow. Even if I looked at a blank wall, the microdots would shape themselves into skulls and monsters. Finally I learned to approach her without fear, and avoid being destroyed... but then the dreams got worse, I became her, and had no voice to warn those who feared, not to so they would not get their heads ripped off by me. Awful. By them I had learned to say prayers at night and prayed for "no bad dreams". It worked, so I kept doing it till the dreams stopped... or at least, went unconscious... perhaps it was because I was focusing on praying instead of watching the fireworks.
About 5 years ago, reading books on Shamanism I recognised the players in this drama. Falling asleep, meditating on my 3rd eye had lead to seeing the kaliedescope patterns of the portal to the Dreamtime.. and meeting the Portal Guardian, the reflection of fear... Death. A Preschool child on the path of the Shaman.. sometimes I wonder how I survived.
I spent a lot of time wandering alone in the woods on my Grandmother's farm. Thinking of faeries and imagining I could feel them, ... experiences I kept to myself. In grade 6 (age 12-13?) I borrowed "Jonathan Livingston Seagull" off my hippie teacher's desk. I resonated with the misfit bird and his secret "specialness", and the insight that there could be spirituality without sin or Jesus. It was a tremendous validation and I had a K-experience while reading it, and after... I do not remember it well, only that there was a Divine confirmation, some lost time and afterwards I was in an altered state similar to the Witness... very detached. Birth of Messianic tendencies, LOL.
Growing up I had a loving family and a ton of freedom. At age 5 I was allowed to be as far as my cousins house almost two blocks away and had to be inside when the streetlights came on.
I consider myself to have a normal childhood.. always running and playing. I was always somewhat overweight and as a result I was self conscious around the chicks when I got older. I finally got a steady girlfriend at age 15 and always had one since.
I missed out on the groovy 60's and I soooo wanted to be a hippie.. but I was to late being born in 1964. By the time I was 12 I was drinking and smoking pot and on hard drugs at age 13. I continued on the drugs and booze until I was in my 20's and my wife ( girlfriend at the time ) had a baby so I had to change my lifestyle to accommodate the baby.
By the time I was about 30 my wife and I was "shopping around" for religion and she got into paganism and I just meditated a lot. She ended up having a strong natural ability and was way beyond me. I am pretty sure that I am not actually a "K Baby". I think that any energy I was gifted with came from her. That is why I told my story into adulthood.. so that I could explain that fact.
Perhaps it was Gods fate that brought us together so that I may learn from her, but whatever it was I am grateful.
I am another one of the many on the list. I was a shy, introverted, fearful child, and am still to this day. My major feeling is that I have nothng of quality to offer humanity and therefore remain a hermit. I desire to accomplish something meaninful, but cannot get past the child hood fears, and add to that tamy current anger, depression, fear x Z 'cubed'. and here I am, nothing. Cant quite get past that one. I am alive however, for what purpose, I have no clue. Thanks for listening.
I do remember thinking
NO, There is no time!