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Memorial Tribute to El Collie.
Her Poetry.

Wed Jun 21, 2000
Subject: Healing into Wholeness

This I know in my heart to be true:
Peace comes not from hating conflict, but from cultivating peace.
Beauty flows not from banishing ugliness, but from courting beauty.

Trust grows not from rejecting fear, but from the faith that everything, even fear, can be trusted.
This my heart knows:
Wholeness is inclusion is love embracing itself.


Subject: [K-list] And Yet Another...


(for Dan)
by El Collie

You get through the ravages of Kundalini awakening
the same way people from time immemorial
survived all appointments with destiny
(birth, irreparable loss, old age, death).
You learn to tough it out.
You learn to accept.
You learn to surrender.
You learn to lean into the arms of grace
both unseen, from the realms above,
and extended through a human hand.
You get through tattered and torn around the edges.
You get through wondering how you've managed
to make it through this far.
You get through hanging on for dear life.
You get through shaken and shuddering
and sheared of everything
but your quivering mind and quaking heart,
and the distant echo of a memory
that this was why you came here.
Though you think there has been some colossal mistake,
inscrutably, incredibly, something in you knows
that this is precisely what you came here
so valiantly to endure:
this merciless nakedness
of heart and soul.

Subject: [K-list] Mystery

As I recall once saying on list, writing is a form of meditation for me. This poem came to me today.


by El Collie

"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself.
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
-- Walt Whitman

We want things in halves, easy to comprehend,
but it's not that simple
when everything contains its own opposite.
It's taken me a lifetime to discern
an iota of my confounding complexity.
No wonder I've been misunderstood
from whatever sundry corners of the Universe
took notice of me.
How can I blame them for being blind?
I who was witnessing myself most closely of all
barely knew who I was.
It takes eons to circle
from the circumference to the center.
The further in we get, the more difficult it becomes
to pinpoint exactly where we are on the spiral
of countless revolutions and revelations.
No matter how far we go,
the journey's end remains elusive...
It takes many, many turns around
before we come to realize that incompletion
is an integral part of the Complete.

Subject: [K-list] Another Poem


by El Collie

Among his indigenous people, says Malidoma,
"To say that someone is old is to say
that this person knows something,
or has experienced something valuable."*
If this is the case,
then I was born old
and finally my body has begun to catch up
with my true age.
Or perhaps this precious knowing,
this priceless experience,
is a fruit I bore in the greenness of my youth
and only of late
can I sink my fingers into its succulent flesh
allowing its sweet sticky juice
to visibly stream down my hands.
Only now, when the time is ripe,
can I break it softly open,
just so,
and spill forth
it's glistening jewel-seeds...

* from Malidoma Patrice Some', THE HEALING WISDOM OF AFRICA

Subject: [K-list] List lull A poem to honor the seasons and cycles of activity and quiescence:


by El Collie

We begin with Zero.
With a hole where the world falls through,
where the world goes whizzing in static space,
ricochetting like a blown-up pinball.
The world goes WHAM!
Lights shrieking, bells flashing, manic momentum.
The nerves on wheels,
racing up the spiral track twisted like a spring
spewed loose from the cosmic gismo.
Gyrating juxtapositions,
the mind a somersault looping crazy eights
down the double helix, the senses in high gear.
Every impulse an axis for the churning
of kaleidoscopes down the centrifugal deep
concentric orbits...
Everything gives a spin.
Everything rolls like dice.
Everything comes around.
The whole scenario a roaring rotation
spawning "oohs" and "ahhhs"
like fish eggs, like caviar,
like exotic everyday equilibrium
too dizzy to set itself straight.
And right smack in the middle of the maelstrom,
snug as a light at the end of the tunnel
sits Zero,
the brave little bubble,
containing all the nothing there ever was,
quiet as a porthole, open like Einstein's eternal mouth.
Waiting for the whole colossal show to shift
and once more fall through
to the other side.

Kundalini Gateway Memorial Tribute to El Collie.
Members Remember El.
El Collie in her own words
Selected posts.
More selected posts..
Her Beloved Charles.
Her thoughts about the K-list.
Archive of all her posts.
Signs and Symptoms of Awakening.
Kundalini Mailing List Archives.
Kundalini Gateway Index.

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