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Tales of AwakeningThese personal experiences are posted with the permission of the people involved. Reproduction for anything other than personal use is prohibited.
Fri, 07 Jun 1996 07:21:39
Hi everyone. My name is Patti and I have been enjoying reading the posts to this list alot.
Sat, 08 Jun 1996 21:45:51Subject: Heart opening and boundaries.
I was moved much by Melissa's letter about the trials of opening the heart. I find that I attract people towards me, almost in a way where it feels like I can't help it. When I am with people, my heart is open and loving...even if I didn't want to see them necessarily. I start seeing inside them when I am in their presence and finding things to love and enjoy.
This has taken a toll on my time. THere are too many people who want this kind of unconditional love and I have found my self retreating more and more also.
Now I am going to take a risk. I don't want to sound like an egomaniac. In fact I believe ego is dangerous to kundalini, very dangerous. So here goes: in the 11 years since my awakening, I feel that I am now 11 years old. When I was "born", I didn't know too much except how to give and receive love.
But in time, I am growing older and I feel that
my powers of intellect and creativity are powerfully accelerating. The result is that I find most people can't keep up wtih me.
I started reading great authors and philosophers because they kept me better and more interesting company. Then I started writing (though I had never written before). In 3 months I had written 2 really outrageous fairy tales (100 paages each.)
In another 3 months I wrote a how-to book on relationship (300 pages).
(I had been teaching Tantra-based information on relationship and sensuality and communication before writing). I am editing that now and planning to self-publish.
My point: At least I can talk to myself at a rapid pace, and don't have to slow down. My mind goes faster and faster.
I still am the same, in terms of the sense of loving others, though in 11 years I have had to learn a whole lot about boundaries.
A newborn has no boundaries, and they are necessary. I too got burned out without boundaries. More and more I wish to direct my loving energy into writing, where I feel I have control over the timing and the boundaries. I can set up and maintain the best feeling sense of balance between relating to others and taking care of myself.
I am lucky to have a brilliant husband and a brilliant roommate-friend. I want to spend more and more time alone, writing, and on the internet, where my mind can sail at its own natural pace. I want to learn how to teach in VRML (Virtual Reality Modeling Language)right now and have been studying teaching on-line. I think the internet is perfect for us kundalini people. In fact, this may be a major way that we shift the consciousness of the planet.
THanks all for listening and sharing.
This group has given me great joy and I appreciate it tremendously. Right now I am having real problems with massive migraines and to know that I am not alone ...just knowing there are others out there brings tears of gratitude to my eyes.
All love, Patti
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