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Tales of Awakening

  These personal experiences are posted with the permission of the people involved. Reproduction for anything other than personal use is prohibited.


   In September 1996, shortly after getting back into Hatha Yoga exercises, I started to feel overwhelming sexual/mystical waves of energy accompanied by feelings of an extraordinary love. I was given to understand by "inner voices" that this pleasure and joy was universal except that people were not aware of it. The overwhelming pleasure and these "understandings" prevented me from fearing going mad--though I realized that this was a distinct possibility.

   The experiences have occurred virtually nightly ever since. In Naked Lunch, Burroughs talks about the effect of mainline cocaine: "It hits you right in the brain, activating connections of pure pleasure." For me it seems to be like that. The body is awash in this exquisite pleasure and then the brain seems to explode. Sometimes it feels as though a locomotive is coming to take over the body. The body stiffens--and it's hard to move. It is so intense, it occasionally seems as if one were being made love to by a loving spiritual entity. Every cell of the whole body, toe to brain, interior and exterior, seems to dissolve, and one doesn't always know if the body will reconstitute! It is as though one is being "worked on."

   Six months into my experiences I woke up with a feeling that I had been in "Satori" through the lotus door. I remembered nothing of the experience, except the "fact" I'd been there. I have been lucky in that (so far) I do not seem to have suffered any ill effects from the energy. I have few outward symptoms; I sometimes feel that I am simply a conduit for the energy.

   I have been happily married for over 30 years. I was brought up in an athiest/agnostic household and have never meditated. I have yet to come to terms with what has happened, except to feel I've been incredibly blessed. I am still skeptical as to the nature of these experiences. Perhaps the human brain is "hardwired" to experience what we call God. The energy seems to have a mind of its own, and, perhaps, a purpose of its own. Ultimately we all are simply energy/bliss/love.
    Love, Hillary

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