To: K-list
Recieved: 2004/01/19 03:50
Subject: Re: [K-list] Kundalini rises and then Stuck
From: Mark Hammond
On 2004/01/19 03:50, Mark Hammond posted thus to the K-list:
You can always ask the kundalini to make things a little easier for you.
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>> But at work, where I was applying this insight of shared leadership,
>> as another post described it seemed I was being attacked psychically.
>> The more the work improved, the stronger the attacks. Admittedly, I
>> had a difficult time explaining my actions and the more I tried, the
>> crazier i seemed to them. But with regard to clients, there were
>> remarkable results. As co-workers sabotaged my work, I could only see
>> love and I poured love on everything, a total care bear stare. The
>> bliss of this love and consequential insight is indescribeable. It
>> led me to give things away, to children, the homeless and just about
>> any loving soul that crossed my path. It was namaste' exponential.
>> Meanwhile, clocks would stop when I was around (almost always at
>> 11:29), computers would crash and I sensed time as a unified force of
>> past, present and future. As I had dinner with a work associate one
>> night and explained 'time' he felt the same sensation and it really
>> frightened him. All this occured over a span of just a few months.
>>
>> But I kept getting dreadful migraines and strange viruses and then an
>> attack at work, born of lies. And I resigned. I decided I could not
>> work where people did not practice integrity and I was so burnt out
>> from the struggle. I had the spinning sensation I have read about
>> here; it lasted for weeks and weeks and weeks. I was diagnosed with
>> PTSD and I am sure I could have sued but I simply did not want to
>> perpetuate a negative energy exchange. And somehow I know in the
>> karmic reality, there were lessons here and I am responsible for my
>> role and inviting them. We are all connected.
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>> Slowly, everything blissful faded. Synchronicity is rare. It followed
>> all these things mentioned and a betrayal of someone I care about
>> very much. I have tried very hard to undo this, and it seems much
>> worse to commit wrongdoing in full knowledge and enlightenment and I
>> am hard on myself about this.
>>
>> I feel stuck. My health has just returned and I am having great
>> difficulty reconnecting to the universe, to compassion, to finding
>> employment to support myself and my son. I want to take a leap of
>> faith as before, but it seems I can no longer let go. I feel like I
>> have regressed and perhaps the love and compssion i have known will
>> never return. I am often 'homesick' and plan death but how selfish,
>> and it wouldn't bode well to repeat these lessons.
>>
>> I try to live with integrity still, practice meditation and be loving
>> to people if for no other reason than because I know it is correct.
>> Over the past few months, I wrote another book rooted in math and
>> physics and during this writing, again, so many synchronistic things
>> happened...one day just after writing a very profound statement about
>> the gods, the whole island shook with thunder. Haven't really tried
>> to sell it.
>>
>> I have no friends. No guidance from humans. No job. Almost no insight
>> as to my path or personal journey. Any advice or guidance welcome. I
>> think: how does one be in the world and not of the world? And I
>> wonder: have I commited something unpardonable? How to release the
>> super glue.
>>
>> Too funny...when all this happened, I thought I was the only one and
>> I couldn't figure out what anything was...I really suspected lunacy.
>>
>> Sunny
>>
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