Kundalini Gateway Email List Archives

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To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/12/25 14:42
Subject: RE: [K-list] woe
From: Rick Mayweather

On 2003/12/25 14:42, Rick Mayweather posted thus to the K-list:


Meditate.


>From: Deepak Srinivasan <deepsrin AT_NOSPAM yahoo.com>

>i haven't written or logged on here in a long time. i
>was before an ardent "spiritualist", trying to deny my
>bodily and material needs looking to conquer and move
>into a spiritual phase. But that didnt happen. i was
>frustrated bewildered...
>i AM NOw at a point, where i let myself go, fell in
>love and let all my defences fall (didnt know that the
>spirituality was a defence to safeguard being
>vulnerable, an intellectual cloak- aloofness) and have
>been rejected and heartbroken. i didnt want it to
>happen from day 1, for the fear of the aftermath, the
>anticipation of its death scaring me....
>I do not know whether it was meant to happen or i
>brought it down upon myself,
>I realise i am sort of addicted to pain, and
>rejection...dont know how to acheive
>fulfillment.moderation means nothing to me...im always
>an extremist....i either fully indulge in life or stay
>aloof and pursue other mental activities usually done
>this all my life, experiencing pleasure brings fear to
>me, as im so scared its going to go away)...
>i try self- inquiry, try to maintain my sense of self
>and always try to see how i could be responsible for
>creating the situation. I feels empowering, but i cant
>seem to change the patterns i seem to have set....
>I dont know why i go thru these periods of self hate
>and loathing....if only i could clear that....
>im totally disillusioned...i have written a lot of
>times before too...always with similar queries, got
>answers at times but mostly didnt.
>Please someone guide me...i wait with an open mind.

_
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