To: K-list
Recieved: 2003/11/16 17:58
Subject: [K-list] Guys post
From: Guy Johnson
On 2003/11/16 17:58, Guy Johnson posted thus to the K-list:
I took the liberty here of including some comments,
Hard to believe but it took over an hour to find theese old posts and I just
learned to cut and paste.
Peace Guy
> > > Hello Guy Johnson,
> > >
> > > Reading your introductions was beautiful
> >and difficult. Would it be appropriate to put forward the idea that
> >you are and were awakened through the agony of your childhood? And
> >that because of such extreme conditions you perhaps bypassed much of
> >the K symptoms? The rush of energy through the spine the lightning
> >like fingers of energy sweeping and wriggling through your head and
> >brain or did these things come later? The intensity of your
> >experience makes me hesitant......don't want to inflict any more pain
> >by asking you to revisit an area that was , at the time hurting you.-
> >chrism
Hi, Guy!
> > I was looking for words to describe my feelings after reading your
> > intro. And failed. Not that good at English. Also child
> > difficulties, absence of love, solitude has been a hurting theme
>for
> > me as long as I was able to recognize my own problems that stem
>from
> > my childhood. Trying to overcome it.
> > All I can tell, when I was reading your story I felt like I needed
> > to read it. You know, like a piece of puzzle just went into the
> > right place.
> > Don't stop writing about it, even if no one seems to be interested.
> > Remember, there are people who absorb silently.
> > Love,
> > Lana
> >
> >
> > --- In KUNDALINI AT_NOSPAM yahoogroups.com, "kundalini1950"
>
>Hi Lana,
>
>How appropriate that again Yahoo canceled my identity I am now
>guy3rd1950. Thank you for your response. In skipping some years of
>discomfort with my lack of social skills due to working all the time
>and being an observer of my high school years, and other then sports,
>not a participant. I did act in school plays but my life was an act
>in that to protect ourselves from abuse we shut down emotionaly and
>must create intellectualy a personality. There is no longer an
>authentic self once we are emotionaly dead, and intellect takes on
>the role of rationalizing our post traumatic reactions to our
>invironment. Without the authentic self emotional healing is on hold
>indefinately until such time as we recognize the distructive paterns
>we manifest in our lives in order to reinact the abuse.
>
>After spending the summer of 1968 shoveling fish out of fishing
>boats I left the U.S. to become an axchange student in Germany in a
>small city called Lubeck in the North near the East German border.
>This was a time of social experimentation for me and instead of
>playing the role of strong silent type I became a magpie trying to
>cover my insecurities, agravated by my inability to speak or
>understand German. I felt that I drove people away but could not
>control my need to brag and because my short life had little to brag
>about I continiously recreated my past anew with each listener often
>without a thread of truth. Shortly after my arrival I left the
>exchange program ,unable to cope with authority and rules I became a
>wonderer. I sustained myself with an endles line of women who were
>attracted to my looks and athletic abilities. During this permiscuous
>period my desire for self worth and need to create ever more dramatic
>orgasms coupled with complete lack of boundries I became a male
>prostitute though I did not see this at the time. With my many
>partners in my wanderings, I became a skillful lover and found my
>capacity for control of my orgasms and the increasing intensity drove
>me on. The sad part was there was also an enormous hole because I
>never emotionaly connected to anyone and finaly after spending six
>weeks on a nudist beech I returned to the U.S. and a land in the
>throws of radical change and social upheaveal.
>
>I felt completly out of place with my family, with high school
>where I had to do my senior year and my complete lack of moral
>values. I was drafted after graduation and then refused induction
>because of my travels into Communist countries. They never asked me
>what I thought of those cultures so they had no idea how horrified I
>was of the lack of freedoms, the like of which I have not seen until
>911. I started collage that fall and I did nothing but have sex. I
>felt out of control and when I met a graduate student with self
>dissaplne in her academic life I asked her to marry me thinking her
>grounde reality would rub off. We had a very active sex life until
>the day we got married and suddenly I was in a sexless marriage.
>Although I became immediatly frustrated I still had beliefs about
>fidelity in marriage.
>
>Thus my serious journey into Kundalini began. I taught myself to
>silent the mind by concentrating on whatever thought was passing
>through and it would dissapear and then another thought would come
>but aftr a while I found a space between words and when I focused my
>will on this space it did not dissapear but insyead grew into an
>intense light and energy flowing throughout the body. I was able to
>control my breathing, heart, digestion, and could create pain or
>pleasure throughout my body.
>
>I had a briliant idea!! I could create the pleasure of the sexual
>act with my will without masturbation. I concentrated on the energy
>of the third eye and at the same time the energy center between the
>anus and testicals. I did this for hours every night trying to raise
>the pleasure. The technique I developed was to breath long slow
>breaths holding at each end with my tounge at the roof of my mouth. I
>was in a prone position lying on my back in a ballenced fashion and I
>would go through my body relaxing every part by flexing and then
>releasing. I would then concentrate for all I was worth for as long
>as the energy gept increasing and then relax falling into the energy
>for as long as it kept increasing. idid this technique all night
>sometimes but at least a few hour every night. For six moths I would
>get so close and then I would blow it by intellectualy getting
>excited by the prospect of imminent orgasm. The energy was incredible
>and more pleasurable then sex had ever been but I knew that I was
>close to something very very big. My entire body vibrated with
>pleasure.
>
>I have to go feed horses and on the chance that this message
>dissapears I am going to send it and continue this message later if
>yahoo alows me nd doesn't terminate my conection.
>
>
>Peace and Love,
>
_
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