To: K-list
Recieved: 2001/07/28 03:22
Subject: Re: [K-list] The carrot for the perrot
From: Pepper J. Baxter
On 2001/07/28 03:22, Pepper J. Baxter posted thus to the K-list:
And yet we know there are those who have done it and didn't smash in a pool
of blood and guts! Pepper
www.siiya.net / prod. musique & multimedia web wrote:
> Hi all,
>
> Sharing my experience has I know each one reality is different.
>
> but I also know that if I jump from a 400 feet building I will crash in
> an ugly blood and flesh mess as anybody else...
>
> Why do theese physical realities are not as malleable as
> spiritual-psychological ones?
>
> Can we suppose that in the raw situation of my body crashing on the
> ground there can only be one reality, but that in the kundalini
> dimension each one as the liberty to choose the one at its own taste?
> And feel free to guide those who are not as strong mentally as them into
> their mental fabrication?
>
> So here is my experience:
>
> I was 15 years old and taking one or two LSD tabs a week, with very
> strong hydroponic stuff, alcool and pills, all togheter with good music.
>
> I wanted to smash this dull north-american 20th century reality and find
> true ecstasy, "the true reality".
>
> It worked for a year and a half, and during this time I had plenty of
> extraordinary experiences, flying at immense speeds in tunnels of
> colored light, touching universal knowledge, seeing parallels universes
> etc.
>
> It ended abruptly when I broke the seal of something, very tangible and
> strong, so strong I had to be shipped at an hospital... repeatedly...
> in very bad states...
>
> There was a reservoir of buried emotions in my reality, but I denied
> it. So I did not see the warnings. So I broke the sceal.
>
> 10 years of panic disorders due to intense energy coming from the
> subconscious and striking with no warnings and submitting my mind to
> intense periods of terror. But I succeeded in doing progress with that,
> as these energies were lost past emotions that had loose their cause or
> meanings, and I was able to remake big parts of the puzzle.
>
> When you think you are something, but you are faced with who you really
> are, completely different thing, so powerful that the distress is
> indescriptible... You come to know a bit of what humility is... and I
> stoped spreading my stupid rational ego-ideas-masturbation on anyone.
>
> Now I prefer to talk about my being and my experiences. Ideas are what
> they are... issued from the same world as fantasies. They make you
> think you have a grip... and you really have! ...but just on the
> reality of this world of fantasy... It does'nt change the 400 feet
> building reality.
>
> Who I really am is not a product of my fantasies. It has a deep link
> with the history of living on this earth.
>
> about 300 millions years of fighting for survival, killing, fear,
> protection of my kind, adaptation, race for evolution... all of that in
> a deep physical reality, with absolutely no spirituality. The beginning
> and the end at the same place, on this planet, motivated by the deep
> deep deep deep instinct for MY survival and the survival of what is
> related to MY survival, sometimes well adapted and successfull,
> sometimes a disaster.
>
> Hey... maybe there is a fantasy island at the end of the road, but I
> live NOW. Surprinsingly, the more I meditate and let the energy flow
> like it want to, not as I want it to, the more I am in the present
> moment. I feel I'm living an adventure, not a stupid fixed ecstasy.
>
> Ecstasy is for me the projection of my own soul's desire for death.
> People looking for ecstasy are people wanting to kill the energy and put
> it back in the reservoir, out of reach.
>
> I need less the carrot on a stick infront of me to move.
>
> I suggest a discussion here... Why do the universal life force created
> this reality of millions of years of very crude stuff for us to live
> within? Can you connect with this reality without disgust?
>
> Disgust is a symptom that the reservoir is there, and that you are
> puting a lot of energies to keep it out there.
>
> For me now it is the most dangerous way to live.
>
> "LOVE"
>
> Benoit
>
>
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