To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/12/13 19:27
Subject: FW: [K-list] What was all That ?!
From: Sylbar
On 2000/12/13 19:27, Sylbar posted thus to the K-list:
----------
From: sylbarATnospamlabyrinth.net.au
To: "J B Kundalini-GatewayATnospamegroups.com" <JB789ATnospamhotmail.com>
Subject: Re: [K-list] What was all That ?!
Date: Thu, , 11:29 AM
You are beautiful light and shining JB.
>> And the possibility to love.
the possibility to BE love
with you in all love and all light,
Sylvia
----------
>From: "J B" <JB789ATnospamhotmail.com>
>To: Kundalini-GatewayATnospamegroups.com
>Subject: [K-list] What was all That ?!
>Date: Thu, , 2:27 AM
>
> Hi
>
> I do not quite know how to formulate my question,.. but
> perhaps 'what's all this, .. or what was the point of that,.. that
> passed away in a flash ?!'.
>
> The following is not a sharing of an ecstatic and glorious kundalini
> happening, but to clarify this question, I'll have to use a life-
> story.
> If you consider personal life-stories, as mere indulgence in ego-
> glorification or self-pity and look upon them with detachement and as
> worthless, then perhaps it would be good to inform you that it would
> probably be best, that you skip the rest.
>
>
> After the death of my ex-wife, 1 month ago, at the invitation of her
> sister, I was offered to look thru some of her things and take some,
> if I so wished. She(her sister) also gave me a bag with various
> things, which, upon coming home, I found to be many pictures taken
> during our 25 years' firendship and some letters(from me), which
> apparently my ex-wife thought them to be significant enough, to be
> kept.
>
> The contents of the letters, written 25 years ago, had a somewhat
> shocking effect.
> I was surprized by my indulgence in verbalization. My vocabulary was
> very rich indeed, compared to my present one.
> The content itself was quite horrifying. A mixture of 'love' with
> lots of teasing bordering on sarcasm, ill intentions to hurt her,
> manipulations of words .. much being infused with conceptual
> knowledge of 'self-knowing, spirituality' used as a power-tool in
> relating, and a certain amount of gross insults of a rather vicious
> type.
> All this, not a preety picture to look at, under the present
> circumstances.
> That certainly, was not 'love'.
> (At least, not the kind that I've felt for her during the last some
> years... where just by being, without demands, sharing life-Presence,
> would be enough.)
> It was a movement in ego-survival, pleasure, insecurity and all that
> wrapped in a nice and arrogant and head-banging/heart-
> stabbing, 'spiritual' jargon.
>
> And now I got the feedBack.
> And I wonder whether I have really changed..
>
>
> Looking at the picutures, I was wondering(about JB) ..'Who was That,
> and Who is This gray-haired with bigger belly, now ?'..
> And who was that slim and smiling pretty person..? .. have I ever
> really known/met her ?..
> And who was the bloated-body (due to the medicine she got, against
> cancer brain-pains ?)
> whom I've seen during the last few weeks of her life ?
> Some of the pictures, had parts cut off,.. in those pictures of
> her,.. I noticed my arm around her shoulder, but I, was missing. I
> suddenly was shocked into remembering that, it was I, who has done
> the cutting,.. out of anger at the time of separation, 10 years ago.
>
> And now I got the feedback.
>
>
>
> What was all that ?!
> Whatever it was, it has disappeared.
>
> _Everything_ is apparently, slowly but surely and irreversibly,
> Devoured.. by time.
> Everything.. withers away !
>
> When one looks at a life fragment, such as the above, it generates a
> certain insecurity, ..
> insecurity in the tradition of worshiping this 'me and mine'.
> There seems to be No way, to Secure Anything.
> What is really the point at using such tremendous amounts of energy,
> attempting to do so ?
>
>
> Everytime, a near one or even an acquaintance has died, the mirror
> seems always to be stating:
> '..you have missed the mark.. again,..
> your priorities have been rather faulty, have'nt they..again,..
> you have not really loved, have you,..
> _again_ ?'
>
>
> So, -What do we actually have ?
> Perhaps only this moment, and the Mystery of all that is being
> displayed before our eyes,.. at this moment, only.
> And the possibility to love.
>
> Without that, life is a flash of a desert
> populated by floating-by zombies, whom
> the I-zombie turns into objects of
> I-meditation and kicking/grabbing and survival...
> .. but which zombies, keep on evaporating and disappearing
> into the heat of the sun..
> perhaps with the exception of the I-zombie, who believes in
> its immortality...
> and keeps on being reborn,
> again and again.
>
> jb.
>
>
>
>
> http://www.kundalini-gateway.org
>
>
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