To: K-list
Recieved: 2000/04/28 00:49
Subject: [K-list] Re: are your K-awake?, and more....
From: Kaura puckett
On 2000/04/28 00:49, Kaura puckett posted thus to the K-list:
After much carefull deliberation, I've decided to
share some of my experiences, (which co-incidentally
coincides somewhat with this weeks' poll), in hopes of
getting some clarification and feedback on what I'm
dealing with, and maybe even a few more of the missing
pieces...
I think I may have been living the majority of my life
in some sort of Kundalini-twilight state. I suspect
this has manifested in several ways, among them:
unusually high empathy; considerable insight into
individual strengths, weaknesses, and motivations of
people I come in contact with; an indefatigable
spiritual drive; as well as extreme emotional states,
even to the point of seeming irrational (i.e. crying
over news broadcasts); periods of time where unusual
noises (chimes, pops, etc) were going off in my head;
and an intense inexplicable homesickness for something
or someplace I'd never been before, just a feeling I'd
know it when I found it.
I went through a really rough time for a while and was
diagnosed as mentally ill, but now I believe a lot of
my suffering was a result of resisting and railing
against something (k-energies) I didn't understand.
When I started on metaphysical path, I began to
realize that the feelings inside I was frantically
trying to avoid were the very states of being that
people spent years of meditation trying to achieve!
Instead of running FROM them, I needed to be running
INTO them!
AND NOW I KNOW WHY AND HOW THIS ALL HAPPENED!
Let me explain-
I have no memories of my childhood. In my search for
the reason for this, I was given bits and pieces of
information which lately have all started falling into
place. To summarize, what I have recently found out
about myself is:
A family member, (now deceased), who was a member of a
hermetic occult organization, tried to do a ritual
with me (as a child) to make me K-awake. However,
because of a small oversight, the ritual worked, but
it was too much(?). I don't know exactly what
happened then, but it just messed up somehow. I lost
all my memory. It was meant to be a beautifull gift,
but because I didn't understand it, I was just
confused and hurt.
4 years ago I was given a promise, "The serpent will
heal the wound inflicted by the serpent." I'm sure all
the "K-people" would have known instantly what that
meant, all I understood was that it was a promise of
healing for me. Only after joining this list did I
understand it's meaning. I was in the dark for so
long, finally I'm learing what, why and how, and my
life is starting to make sense.
There is one more thing I have to do, (ritually, I
think), to make "it" right. (I don't think it's
tantra or meditation, I think it's some ritual gesture
or action). Anybody have any clue what it might be?
I cry frequently when I read daily postings from this
list. I cry because I recognize the place I've been
homesick for all my life-it's in your words and lives.
I'm almost home....
Kaura
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