To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/12/09 15:52
Subject: Re: [K-list]Endorphins, Samadhi and Energy.
From: Maureen Heffernan
On 1999/12/09 15:52, Maureen Heffernan posted thus to the K-list:
Hello again,
Well, I see we are keeping Percyval happy, HA!
> >~~*+M~*
> > Thx for the great response. Lots to think about.
> > Is Holy Spirit outside space/time? How does prana enter the body?Or
> >air? Sometimes one takes in more air and sometimes not.
>
> >Mystress Angelique Serpent wrote:
> Sometimes when I am doing ecstacy sex, I don't need to breathe for a while.
> Breathing is an un-necessary distraction from focusing on bliss. I can only
> guess that the energy incoming is morphing into oxygen directly..
~~*+M~*
I don't know but I guess we are agreeing that different things can
enter the body and become a part of it. How does cosmic energy enter?
Holy Spirit, Immanent and Transcendent.Different materials enter and are
utilised. Can't say exactly how the gifts of Spirit do it, only see the
results.
> ah so.. poor you.. Q: When God showed up, did he cure the bedwetting?
~~*+M~*
Nope.Didn't know that it was God. Just knew in my little undeveloped
brain that it was much more of what I thought God should be all about
then those who hurt me.
> I have felt it descend too, but I think there comes a time when it just
> Is.. rooted in the vessel.
~~*+M~*
Yes, that's one of the goals, I think.
M => > No, you have very good perception. I just don't explain myself
as well
> >as I could.Angry, oh yeah. Slamming doors shut? To Spirit, never for
> >these occurrences were the very things that opened up the siddhas,did I
> >use that correctly, the psychic powers , at a very early age.
> YES~!! yes yes yes.. cracked you open like a nut, into greater
> awareness.
~~*+M~*
Not so sure that I had to know insanity at the age of 4 and 5.
From the dark underground the
> seeds of inspiration grow towards the light.
> The nuns whipped themselves because it prepared them to be receptive.
> Freda's agony prepared her to be receptive. It is easier to connect to
> spirit when you are already blissing on your own biochemisty, and that
> usually happens coz God has arranged for life to spank you.
~~*+M~*
It's been 40 years. Now I recieve from the blessing and sane aspect.
It is much nicer.
> It works, and you are the proof...
~~*+M~*
It can work if a soul and body is strong enough, but I am one of the
lucky or more persistent ones. Others did not make it. They killed their
bodies.Now, the mind can reason,,,oooo they must have just wanted to
work off some bad karma and then leave. Round in round in circles.
but it's not fun when it happens as
> abuse to a child. As a game, with folks who are going in with eyes open, it
> is very different.
~~*+M~*
Yeah, one is a game.
> >~~*+M~*
> > I did. For how else can I explain that kind of JOY? How can I explain
> >the love I felt when there is no love on earth like it? Beyond , beyond?
> >I have experienced many different forms of earthly love and joy. I can
> >only write beyond, beyond.
> I understand about beyond, I tried for 3 years to get back "up there" in
> the light, and now I am a tour guide... but it is also here and now.
> Hidden.
~~*+M~*
I agree.Blossoming more each day.
> > Would I use the opposite, dirty and impure? <......>
> >Any even innocent little nagging feeling that I had ever had in all my
> >years was taken out from me and then the glorious filling up that took
> >place. Something descended and filled in those places that were emptied.
> I understand that.. but what I don't understand is that if time and
> space do not exist then the experience of descent must be experiential...
> What of those who experience it as the Buddha-nature? Do they experience a
> descent, or an opening? How much do paradigms/beliefs of descent and
> ascent affect perceptions of Spirit?
~~*+M~*
I think each experiences in their own way. Luz and myself wrote of a
taking out and she said stripping. Yet we were both trained in the
*washing* aspect. I think it is similar to gas in a car tank. You have
fuel and then you get half empty. When something like high octane is
*put in *,(as in the above;cosmic energies etc. entering) you utilise it
but can distinquish a difference in how you run. Gas goes all through
the sytem as Spirit does. Up, down ,sideways, doesn't matter really. As
one proceeds in understanding one can tell a male presence from a female
presence,visiting entity etc. Each happening increases knowledge of
this. One gets better at distinquishing exactly what or who came towards
on in an approach,what level of entity one is dealing with, etc. etc.
So, we begin with the great entering and then we work like the devil to
hold on to it so IT becomes us and us, IT.
> I named druid for my perception of his spirit guides, who appeared to me
> as a council of Druids. They are very hard to talk to, because they are
> beyond paradigms, and unwilling to buy into any of ours for the purposes of
> explaining reality. Not surpisingly, druid the Engineer thinks life is for
> living, not for talking about..:) I like Engineers, I collect them.
> Anyhow, the story of druid's samadhi while I did a crystal layout on him
> with some laser light work by Chacmool, is at
> http://www.domin8rex.com/serpent/spirit/druid.htm but since you cannot
> access my site I'll quote it here:
>
> >Sun, 10 Nov 1996
> > First, some background. About a month ago, I was trying to
> >establish the relationship between the tiny but infinite "white light"
> >I see inside myself, and the "universal" White Light that I've been
> >taught to "attach" to, to draw energy from. Drawing from Mistress'
> >power so that I could "access" my Council of Druids, I asked them the
> >question. They were confused by it. "It's the same thing!" So I was
> >left with trying to live with the apparent paradox of "External Energy
> >is the Same Thing as Internal Energy".
> >
> > Now, last night. I was experiencing Mistress' meteorite glass. Of
> >course, it has a very different energy than other crystals. Others are
> >"attached" to the Earth(/Gaia), and of course this piece is not of the
> >earth, so it is "space-bound". I allowed myself to ride along with
> >what it was showing me. I saw mainly utter blackness (after all,
> >that's what most of "outer space" is), but got the impression that
> >this void as a LONG WAY from earth.
> > Then, Mistress began to add more crystals. Once again, Her
> >considerable energy allowed the Council of Druids to access me. At
> >this point, it gets hard to explain "who's doing what", because, as I
> >found out mere moments later, the energy in the Druids, the crystals,
> >and even in Mistress, are all the same thing. The appearance of power
> >(as in Mistress) results from the ability to access that universal
> >energy (which She does very well!)
> > Basically, the Druids were using the crystals to channel Mistress'
> >energy to me to allow them to "re-make me from scratch" (they seemed
> >quite fastinated by their work). It went like this:
> > I started by seeing the "big-bang" - the point when the entire
> >universe was a single event of energy. Then, the stars/galaxies/
> >planets began to "spin off". But unlike the "Physics 101" version, the
> >original energy was NOT diluted as is "split off" - the entire energy
> >of that first instance was in every star, every planet...
> > Also, since time is not real, I
> >realized that that first universal outpouring of energy, that "big
> >bang", exists RIGHT NOW.
> > Then, as I began to understand how this "Universal Energy" was in
> >all things in the universe, it entered my body. The same energy that
> >was the "Big Bang" came in my feet and up my body in one huge KA-BANG!
> >Needless to say, the resulting jolt knocked most of the crystals
> >off. I understood that in that split-second, my essence had been
> >"rebuilt" from the Universal Energy, just as it always was.
> > Mistress was asking me about DNA helixes, but I didn't really see
> >that in this experience. I saw events in "pure energy", with little or
> >no attachements to physical reality. I noted that my body is just an
> >"interface" between my Real Self and this rather insignificant plane
> >we seem to think is so important.
> > Well, that was it. I spent quite a while trying to adjust my
> >physical body to the new inner self, and trying to take in and
> >understand all that I experienced. The experience still blows me away
> >- WOW! The energy in that room that night was incredible.
>
> So there it is.. guidance keeps telling him that there is no
> separation between inside and outside energy, but he still felt energy
> incoming, perceptually.
> He had his eyes shut, so he did not see what caused the explosion, but
> Chacmool had directed me to hold a crystal like a laser a few inches above
> his body, and run it slowly without touching him, up from his feet to his
> head, like I was cutting him in half, and as I did a ripple tremble
> followed, moving up thru him following my laser.
~~*+M~*
Blossoming.
>~~*+M~*
> This I know and recall writing in another post that I nod to *them*,
>bugaboos in acknowledging there purpose in the grand scheme of
things.
A = > So what are they? If God created them and they are acting in
accordance
> with Divine Will then they are God also, yes?
~~*+M~*
Yes, they are an aspect of the Godhead.
The Nuns with the gravel
> were God also..
~~*+M~*
Yes,nodded to years later and acknolwleged for their *input*.Loved???
I am very close to being at that point.
> >~~*+M~*
> > If it is asked from the Christ that I unite my suffering with His ,I
> >will indeed and have done so. But I will not play with my endorphins for
> >a high.
> LOL!! Well, Ok, you don't have to.. :) But ... Why not?
~~*+M~*
Same reason I don't masturbate at every twinge,except astral lovers
(lusters) or over eat. For me, this works. Not holier than thou, simply
what I have determined is best for me.
If God provided
> endorphins via nasty Nuns to crack your nut the first time, and you want to
> learn and grow, why not see if they will crack your nut open even wider
> without the nasty Nuns?
~~*+M~*
His/Her decision of the timing and in what manner.I believe the
pleasurable endorphins were definitely released during my *encounters*.I
believe the expression is , *delicious*. Life has provided this through
the love and marriage with my husband and the birthing and raising of my
girls and other experiences. Nut has been cracked. Life has been much
fun at times. The reason I spoke of the abuse was only to bring out that
I knew very strange states of mind,*mad* or *crazy* inside an
institution when I was young. Not for sympathy and look past the abuse
please. I was trying to speak of knowing about different states at a
very early age. Being aware of way out there states provided me with
some equipment to not be so shocked at different happenings,whatever
life might bring. Aliens,interdimensional beings,whatever.That was the
important aspect of all that. (Know some really wonderful Nice Nuns
too.)
> But I am not a little girl, and you are not, either. We are wise
women
> who know that the Light must have shadows to show form.
~~*+M~*
Of course.
> Pain endorphins give a buzz that lasts 3 days to a week, depending on
> the length and intensity of the sensations, among other factors. You were
> self-conscious while kneeling.. When you were in private, and you could
> relax and drop the ego mask you wore around other people, Spirit was there.
~~*+M~*
And without pain or pleasure ,,,Spirit resides also.
> Sigh.. my compassion goes out to the girl you were.. but looking at it
> with detachment, it also sounds a little like some of the descriptions of
> Samadhi that are being tossed around the list, eh?
~~*+M~*
If that is truly Samadhi then I don't want it. It does read like it
though,, interesting, but in trying to describe it..just blank.Take away
99 percent of my brain and body and a vegetable is left.That's what it
was like. I thought Samadhi to be a uniting with the Source in great
Joy? A stepping into different realms but I have a lot of studying to
do.
> Your mind went off to the void, hypnotised by repetition of singing, and
> your body *self-medicated* until it was a fit place to live in, again.
~~*+M~*
I left. I would have stayed like that till my last breath. It was my
gentle form of suicide. Older girls carried me somewhere to
someone,(Doctor?) who snapped me out of it.
> Instinct. The intelligence of the body is a trillion times that of the
> intellect. When intellect folded under pressure, the body-mind stepped in,
> and gave you exactly what you needed, to survive. You picked up a
> hairbrush, not a blade or a club, you didn't start banging your head or
> jump out a window.. hairbrushes are a great way to provoke endorphins, I've
> got a bunch of them in my toybox.. also bottle brushes, horsebrushes, etc..
~~*+M~*
Stop with this already. Geesh. Verbally beating me over the head with
this. HA! I am joking with you. You remind me of the joke we had in
highschool about the boys. Lord!, they could find sex in a hamburger.
Please don't take this as an invitation to write about the sexual
qualities of a burger. I'm only joking. The brush was first because I
was far to gentle a person at 5 or 6 and secondly, there weren't any
clubs around.! The brush wasn't a little stroking effect, let's just
leave it at that.
> you drew blood, but human skin is amazinglytough stuff, you could not
> seriously harm yourself unless it got infected, and endorphin-injuries
> rarely do. Dunno why..
~~*+M~*
Getting off the dynamics of it, my point was the
leaving,,,,experiencing the blank.
> Again, that corny poem, "footstep in the sand".. when you think Spirit is
> not there, it is carrying you..
> Who are you, when you are not there?
~~*+M~*
Back then......dead. Dead in the sense that some see it as simply
rotting in the ground. No *I*, no spirit, no name, no memory,no
soul.Very young understanding of it and very frightening.
Goddess, nature's wondrous design
> provided endorphins to free you from the worst of the emotional wreckage..
> soothe pain in your body and you survived.
~~*+M~*
I think it had more to do with the Doctor bringing me out of shock.
>Boxed it up and sent it forward thru time, for
> an older wiser you to ponder, when the time was right.
~~*+M~*
Yes, I think that is one of the qualities of the brain and a lesson
learned. One can handle only so much info so in order not to go back and
re visit that place we,put it on the shelf for a bit till one is
stronger. Not sure if that's a gift from God/ess or just the school of
hard knocks.
> Sometimes Nature's mercy is as dark a gift as giving really weak hearts
> to rabbits, so they "give up the ghost" and die of fear on feeling the
> breath of the Fox, before it's jaws close on them and they are torn to
> pieces. Animal testing issues aside, rabbits don't suffer much, in nature,
> even tho they are prey for everything. They don't suffer coz Goddess gave
> them a breaker switch: they are made to die quickly of heart attack.
> It's the mercy that comes of surrender, when you stop fighting. When you
> hit your limits.
~~*+M~*
Not to sound like a know it all but as written above,one puts it on
the shelf till later. Full now, can't eat anymore, in the fridge it
goes.Human decision.
Christ hit his limits and cried out that he felt God had
> forsaken him, and immediately recieved the blessing of dying (and/or going
> into suspended animation.. the stillness.. ) before the Romans came along
> to break his legs. He "safeworded" and the game was over.
~~*+M~*
That's one understanding. In my studies, in His Aramaic it is
translated, "Now I immerse myself in the pre-dawn of Your Existence."
That to me is offering the most a person can at the last second of life.
One of my friends gave me her understanding that she was blessed with.
Made the hair stand up on my neck. She told me He was fullfilling
prophesy and in that time even then was teaching. He began quoting, I
believe it was Isiah (?)22nd psalm? My God , why have you deserted me.It
goes on to say, *they have cast lots for my clothes* and other things
that fit totally with what he was going though. I don't know exactly how
many years earlier it had been written. But, it was shown to her that
this was the fullfilling and He simply physically could not complete any
more sentences. Not a "safe -word" in my perception. But we are all
different. Sometimes a hairbrush is just a hairbrush.
>
> >Actually I am quite proficient
> >at it. I am long done with the anger and if had to relive it again to be
> >where I am at today would so do the same.His/Her Will be done. We are
> >not altogether too unalike.
> No, we are not.. :)
>
> >> I still think the difference in our experience is skypath vs. earthpath.
> >~~*+M~*
> > I am also studying this more deeply as it explains quite a bit. Good
> >concept.
> I find it interesting.. tho as I say, the course I am writing, like
> the Grounding, is really a middle path.. Earth and sky both. Balance.
~~*+M~*
Yeah, right through the heart.
> When I do the Elysian Mystery, with a student, the portal at the center
> of Hades takes the seeker into that Light.. sometimes they meet departed
> beloveds. The starry void is one level higher, and there they become All
> that Is.
> Hard to explain, it is different every time, a reflection of the
> student.
>
> >> So, Maureen, I can appreciate your insistence that endorphins and
> >> Spirit is Separate.. I used to think so, too, when I was on a sky-path.
~~*+M~*
I do not know. I experienced extremely pleasureable and also
protective endorphins and also Something different. 3 things .All I can
say.
> >~~*+M~*
> > I'll have to go back and dig up that url because I see that as a
> >chemical change in the brain and that;s all.And I recall a
> >sentence,*when I go I will send The Paraclete, The Comforter to you to
> >remind you, so that you can remeber all I have taught you.*
> YES!! I think I get it.. the comfort is the endorphin, from the body,
> and it helps you get into a blissful state to remember the Self.. Spirit.
~~*+M~*
Reads good on paper but the Diciples wouldn't have their own Godess
provided safety switch to release their own endorphins as people had
been doing since the beginning of time?
> >Now I know
> >endorphin release was around a long time before these words of the
> >Master, so I wonder what He speaks of. Just men's words written in a
> >book? But yet, I experienced something.
> God-dess designed your biochemistry, with infinite perfection.
~~*+M~*
Well, then they would have kicked in on their own. Already built in
and provided. So, what was sent?
Every
> part of your body has multiple uses, like your mouth is for talking and
> eating and barfing and kissing. Sex and endorphins, are a survival
> mechanism, *and* a path to trancendence. Sky-path is mostly OBE.. denying
> the body and looking outside of it for the light.
Earth path seeks to find
> the Divine perfection in body-wisdom and instincts. We are made in the image.
~~*+M~*
Image being physical and Spiritual, both, sky and earth.As the Master
weeping in sympathy before healing.
> As you describe it, the love of the Holy Spirit is *not* unconditional.
> It is felt under some conditions and in other situations it is not felt.
> Depends on what condition your condition is in.. ??
~~*+M~*
Indeed. If my awareness is out of sync with Source I will be slow to
percieve. IT is unconditional and steady but sometimes I am not.
> Many Christians pray for Lucifer to be "Saved".. which is not what this
> is about.
~~*+M~*
I never prayed that there be a saving action. I prayed and offered my
realisation,,,boy, what a lousy job. No credit. All the blame.
This is the Earth path of seeing perfection in what Is, and
> trusting that where we don't see perfection/spirit is where our perceptions
> are clouded. From that perspective, wanting the Lion to lie down with the
> Lamb is not trusting that God-dess got it right, the first time when Nature
> was designed.
~~*+M~*
I always thought of that as a completion aspect.We had achieved the
evolution of what it was all about.
> The Shamanic experience of the Portal Guardian, is *becoming* Lucifer..
> When I said to my Priestess that I'm a slave in Heaven except when Goddess
> calls me to play King of Hell/Hades/the underworld of the collective, and
> escort a lost traveller, into the light, I was not joking.
> (To clarify, so as not to scare people, I am not referring to the
> Christian Devil. I'm referring to Archangel Lucifer, a being of
> unconditional love who outranks Archangel Michael, in the angelic
> hierarchies, who in Shamanic terms is called the Portal Guardian. The
> Teacher. I'm *not* talking about "Satan Prince of Evil", whom I don't
> believe in.. I'm not a Satanist, there is no evil, there is only humans
> acting out of fear. Daemon is latin for "inner self". )
>
> Lucifer trained me, to be a Domina. I did not know who he was, at first,
> I called him Armand..
Lately I have been calling him "Alpha Wolf". ;)
> I learned to *be him* in session, reflecting my client's fears to scare
> the crap out of them like they wanted me to. He scares my slaves too, tho
> he shows up seldom these days, but they love him as passionately as I do,
> because he has taught them so much, with his unwillingness to suffer fools
> gladly. :)
~~*+M~*
Armand. . ? Is that from Ahriman of the Muslims, I believe.?
snipped Lucifer material,(I know he always gets the short end.) I agree
with what was written.
> I prefer, to be gentle with people.. the unsent posts in my outbox are
> testament to my resistance to being the Ugly mirror.... but I appreciate
> that inspiriation often follows after crisis, enough to be willing to
> create crisis in a controlled environment, of consensual safety so as to
> reap the fruits.
>
> So what does levitating feel like? :)
~~*+M~*
Like being lifted up without hands or support.And I didn't know it
till after awhile that it had even happened. Scary. The brain starts to
interject logical thoughts but doesn't matter, you're still there. Don't
know why but the hands and arms start to spread away from the body. I
also don't know why I thought it was not a good time and decided to
ground Betsy and myself using something in my solar plexus area. There
were others watching so that might be why I decided that or it could be
that I was just too scared. I would say it felt like a crossing of
energies. In this particular blessing, the heart was opened wide for a
good 5 minutes, horizontal energy and then the upward action was
vertical. The two meet. I only went a couple inches.
> :) Well, I'm still rhapsodizing, but at least it's topical..:)
>
> >Humans need to touch each other. 2 hugs a day for good mental
> >> health.
> >~~*+M~*
> > Oh, that explains it.(joking). I am a true hermit living alone.
> :) When I read that I reached out to hug you astrally, and came up
> against your shielding. I didn't try to poke thru it, it felt like a "do
> not disturb" sign, requesting boundaries be respected.
~~*+M~*
Nah,,,astral doormat reads *Welcome*.
> >And actually I
> >answered your invitation for I read in your post about a certain person
> >who left the list who used to be into bdsm and " now is all
> >*spiritual*.....la la,,,,Maureen can have him." We just wear different
> >costumes,yes?
> :) LOL!! And I sent my last post of this thread BCC to him, anyhow.
> Bet we could do a great "good cop/bad cop" act. hee hee..
~~*+M~*
Oh we can do better than that ! Next Halloween, I'll wear the leather
and you put on the collar, the white one! HA! That'll blow them away !
I don't have words to express, how deeply honored I am that you chose
> to come back with questions, and grapple with the "fuzzy wall".
~~*+M~*
Oh it's just simply that I am Taurus and very persistent. I never
left.I definitely see white light in you. I will admit that it has
taken me a lot of digging , (broke more than a couple of shovels on some
crude wordings I read) but it's like that light under the dirt in the
plant you saw as a kid. You're basically telling people, , look under
the dirt. See what I saw.It is there .
We are all growing towards it.All blossoming. And all glowing a little
brighter from our exchanges.(Hopefully)..(apologies to any I might have
upset.)
> I enjoy your questions.. they make me think, so I discover what I know..
> the answers are experiential, so they are hard to put into words, but it is
> good for me, to try..:)
~~*+M~*
Indeed, yes.
And besides that, it's fun!
Blessings
+ M
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