To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/12/08 08:43
Subject: Re: [K-list] mlecular level
From: Jenell
On 1999/12/08 08:43, Jenell posted thus to the K-list:
> Zarko Kecman wrote:
>
> I have wish to share something, what is become to realize to me. Maybe
> will some of people on the list think that this is impossible, but
> this was happened to me from early childhood.
Me too, from earliest childhhod. I had to learn not everyone experienced
this, come to understand they had no idea what I was talking about.
>
> a was felt some kind of quickening. A can
> represent this only like quickening of attention.
>
This 'quickening of attention, es, impossible to describe to those that
have not experienced it.
>
> So, because the mind of the man is very fast, and he moves trough one
> circled path., so many times I was try to slow hem down, until, I
> didn't spontaneously get in that circle. Then was happened what I
> called the quickening of attention. Everything was very fast, but
> inside of that circle, I was very slow, because of quickening of
> attention.
>
What this seems to me is we have on one level 'accessed' awareness of
the cosmic, that level at which time does not exist, and at another,
OBSERVE that from our own time/space defined existence. We 'exist'
within the cosmic timelessness as we do, or rather our perception of
existence, by our awareness being 'limited' for the experience of this
existence. That's hard to try to put into words that make sense. Perhaps
an analogy, a volume of water, no 'drop' of water 'exists' as a separate
existence, as a drop, unless and until it is separated, defined apart
from, the larger body of water. It cannot 'experience', or 'be', a drop
of water, until it is so isolated, limited, apart from, the larger whole
body of water.
What we are speaking of here s as if we are a drop of the water,
existing only becase we are aprt from, separated from, the larger body
of water, the cosmic intellegence, and yet, we of course CAN'T exist
apart from it, we are still a part of it, so it is our AWARENESS of the
rest of that witin which we exist that gives us the experience of this
existence. I hope I'm making sense here, I know what I'm trying to say,
but the words for it difficult.
Our experience of existence is dependant upon a separation from full
awareness of what we are a part of, the larger, the whole. The seeking
toward coming into what we call 'unity' with the whole, the All, is
actually a seeking to come into awareness of it being there, but in
truth, do so while NOT merging with it, for to do so would mean, like
the drop of water entering the sea, we would no longer 'exist' as a
separate point of awareness within the whole. What we in truth seek is a
place of being balance just NEAR full awareness of the whole, but not
having actually entered it. To poise as the drop just before it enters,
touches, the larger bod of waer, merges with it, becomes one with it,
ceases to exist as a separate drop of water apart from it.
> And everything I can realize from this, is that this is molecular
> level of existential. Also, I can see more things, like, what I must
> learn about molecular level inside of myself. Everything is in that
> 'quickening of attention' but I can't explain with words. And I know,
> that they waiting to be discovered.
>
This 'quikening' is the effect of your postion of observation being
still separate from that which you are observing, the whole, like the
drop of water poised just short of merging into the larger whole of the
body of water. Time/space 'exists' in our awareness only becasue of of
our having been 'limited' in our awareness. We must percieve on
linear/spatial levels in order to 'experience'. 'Experience' requires a
transition of some sort from 'is' to 'is not'. Or the reverse. If we had
full awareness, there is wthin the whole all at once all that 'is', and
all that 'is not', undifferentiated.
An analogy. Within the whole all things are, without separation, and
such as hunger and satiation from hunger and what happens between cannot
be 'experienced'. So, to 'experience' any of that, we must be limited to
the extent we can 'experience' only some smaller parts of he All at
once. We cannot experience 'here' and 'there', 'before' and 'after', and
all in between, except by our awareness of the All being limted.
> And after all, I have experience of that. The man is a most perfect
> machine on the Earth
This observation is an ego identifcation. The ego finds ways o put
'perfection' into a persepctive that makes it seem to be 'most perfect'.
In truth, all within the All is perfect. In the existence within
separated awareness, what we call 'to exist', on a level of individual
awareness, or state of being, everything that exists does so as perfect,
or it would not exists. If the awareness, or state of being of, say, a
rock or a tree, was 'imperfect', it woud also not exists as a perfect
rock or tree. It would be something else, or nthing at all, or still an
undefined part of the wholeness of the All.
Those seeking the 'union' with the cosmic awareness often neglect or
underestimate the less 'pleasant' aspects of that we experience related
to it. Our very existence is dependent upon that separation of awareness
from the all. That balance of being poised at the poist ust before the
drop enters, merges with, the all, so as to come into awareness of the
presence of the All, yet not go enough further as to 'lose one's self'
within it, can be a difficult balance, is fraught with all sorts of
difficultes. I am, and have been, experiencing some of this my own self
for several years, but only recently consciously realized what it is
that has brought some extreme discomfort, distress, into my being. I've
come near enough nto the awareness of the All that I have, and am,
'losing' parts of mysef, my ego, my identity, as I knew it before, and
had become comfortable with. I didn't seek into awareness of the All for
feeling unhappiness with who/what I was/am. I liked mysef, and who/what
I was. What I am now suffering Ieve realized, is grief, a deep and
terrible gref, for that person is was, her death. I loved her, and I
miss her, and her death leaves me, with every part of her that dies,
having t find a 'new' part to 'replace' it with. I see this as the
transformationa process, the metamorphasis, into a 'new creature', as it
is worded in biblical scripture. Something like process of the
catapillar as it metamorphizes into the butterfly. It's very being has
always been as a catapllar, a catapillar is who/what it 'is', it's
'identity', it's perception of its 'existence' is entirey attached to
it's catapilar form. At what point does the catapillar cease to exist,
and a butterfly come into existence? Not an easy question to answer. In
myself, I have become consciously aware that the catapillar Imy ego
identified with is ceasing to exist, has already ceased to exist, is
dead, yet I am also not yet transformed into a fully formed, recogniable
(to my own sense of awareness of existence) butterfly. It is a painful
place for our awareness to be in the transforamional process.
While of course I'm excited about becoming the butterfly, look forward
to when I can emerge from the cocoon, dry and shake out my wings, and
fly, but for now, I grieve the death of the catapillar, and the process
of it's dead body being 'digested' and re-structured into the creature,
the butterfly, that is being brought into existence, being. I kind of
like crawling around, munching on cabbage leaves, existing in a state in
which life was easy, I knew what i was and what i was supposed to do,
there are few really big choices in the existence of a catapillar. Just
crawl, and eat whatever seems tasty as you come upon it. The looking
forward to being the butterfly is at the same time both exciting, and
terrifying.
Jenell
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