To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/12/07 18:54
Subject: Re: [K-list]Endorphins, Samadhi and Energy.
From: Mystress Angelique Serpent
On 1999/12/07 18:54, Mystress Angelique Serpent posted thus to the K-list:
>fredaannATnospamseatac.net wrote:
>> * most importantly, they used it as a means to bring "on" the holy
>> spirit.
At 11:45 AM 12/5/99 , Maureen Heffernan wrote:>~~*+M~*
> This is where it gets fuzzy.
Fuzzy I can feel.. fuzzy is when new information comes up against belief
structures that interfere with perception and understanding. Confusion is
the key to new insights.
>> I was still freaked out by it. AT the time, her explaination did
>> nothing to
>> convience me that these practices were anything more than wierd
>> religion.
Yes, understanding is *experiential*.
>~~*+M~*
> After physical mind clearing
>through abuse there are more and other realms where Spirit contact is
>made.I don't believe the endorphin release in my own brain is the same
>as outside myself Holy Spirit entering.(I only write that because I am
>knowledable of both.)
OK, here is where comes to me confusion, Holy Spirit is outside of
space-time, so where is it coming from, when it "enters"? I am familiar
with the feeling of it "entering", since I was a child in Church drawing
down the light.. but the perception of entrance must be illusory,
perceptual, because it is human inherent potential.
Spirit is always there, is it a perceptual shift, that makes awareness.
So, it is possible that there is a belief in you that causes fuzziness
and limits perception of Spirit in some activities?
I am not saying that you are wrong, but .. the Catholic Church has a
long history of the use of torture to nurture spirit, that it does not take
much searching to find.. Christ himself was tortured, humiliated, whipped
and fatally bound, as a sacred act, so there is pretty huge precedent, to
begin with.
I did not think it was any secret, that for centures nuns were expected
to whip themselves on the back every night with a leather flogger with
hooks to tear the flesh.. penance for the sins of the World. Where do you
think they got the idea to make you kneel on gravel to say the rosary?
I can well imagine that little girl, hurt and angry at the injustice of
those who were supposed to be loving, and making up her mind that they were
wrong and would always be wrong. Closing off to an experience, an alternate
doorway to spirit, with only a wall of "fuzzy" left..
Outside of Christianity, there are endless forms of Yoga and Shamanism
that make use of endorphins, from the Zen Master's cane, to the Sundance...
and that's not even going into the realms of Martial arts... certainly it
is possible that they are all confused and you are the clever one, but it
is more possible that your belief that Spirit is *outside* of you keeps you
from seeing Divine mercy in God-dess designing a system that provides
endorphins to limit how much kneeling on gravel could hurt a little girl's
knees... :) and that that same Divine Mercy would also create a path where
surrender instead of resistance made endorpins a doorway to opening
perceptions of spirit's presence.
A doorway that an angry little girl slammed shut.
I'm just speculating, or course. Feel free to tell me I'm mistaken. :)
>Contact is also made using contemplation/deep
>prayer without any of these penances. And what a clean and pure JOY it
>is!
Again.. clean and pure suggest a polarity of judgments about what is
not clean and pure.. who made those judgments, and when? Just curious...
> Our highest spiritual sources for this descent of the Holy Spirit are
>Pentecost where a Divine Flame was seen above the head of Mary and the
>Diciples. Don't think they were having an s=m party.(joking)
No, it was the Romans who had the party.. not joking. Christ prayed
to skip the party, and God said NO. The sadistic actions of the Romans,
were aligned with Divine Will, because they were needful to create a
resurrection. Christ himself accepted torture and huiliation as a route to
a higher spiritual state, and so did his brides, for centuries... so why
can't you?
God is a sadist who makes little girls kneel on gravel is an
unacceptable thought, so up went a wall. Separation.
God is All that is, including sadistic nuns..
>I believe
>the crown and charkas above the head were most activated along with the
>heart.
> I have studied this quite a bit over the years and will share
>personally that I was horrified when my body began responding sexually
>while I attended powerful Eucharistic celebrations of the Mass. To say
>the least, I was in a dither.I now understand it.I now am past it.
:) Yes, I am long past *needing* sex, and K-fire doesn't usually feel
sexual to me, but it does to some of my slaves, so I pick up on their
desire. Why not? It's fun. :) I meet them where they "live", and take
their hand to lead them onward.
> I
>also recieved a bolt of Divine Heat entering my crown at my ordination
>into the priesthood which shot down to the base of spine, proceeded up
>to heart and went out the hands.
:) Hmm.. that's interesting.. it is a lot information Earth and Sky
path... I experience the center of the Earth as part of my own system,
where my root chakra is fed from.
The sky-energy incoming from above doesn't stop at my tailbone, before
heading back up. I am rooted into the Earth, so I bliss on the wonder of
the amazing design of Nature. Goddess provides Endorphins. Wow! What a
miracle!! LOL!! :)
I still think the difference in our experience is skypath vs. earthpath.
I was on a sky path for the first 2/3 of my life. Meditating on my third
eye as a child, then learning to draw the light in from above, and send it
outwards as a very psychic teenager.
I went thru spiritual winter at age 19, for a few years, then my K.
gradually re-awakened and I know I awakened a few folks by teaching them
the Grounding, which was sky-energy only, way back then.. The Grounding has
changed, over the years.
I did some healing now and then... friends would come to me for
counselling. I liked to soak up prana from the wind and get into altered
states.. talk to trees.. way too many experiences, to name..
About a year or two after the wart burning incident, around 1990, I set
aside my ego in an act of desperation, knocked on a door that opened, and
went into the Light, with the classic K. experience of vibrations and
dazzling light and angelic presences.. a trip to Heaven.
(Dunno the Eastern term for it..)
I knew from the questions I asked when I was vibrating in "Heaven", that
God doesn't judge us.
Being a Richard Bach fan and finding myself among the Angels, I had some
pretty specific questions about the nature of unconditional love and light,
and what was possible, the measure of free will and the illusion of "sin"..
and that the limits on manifestation came from me... "famous last words"..
those were the last thoughts before my ego yanked me out.. and I spent
years trying to crawl back there.. I couldn't, but I could draw it into
myself and bliss out... :)
It was after about 6 months of frustration, arguing with the Light,
that I took a look at the amount shit and abuse I had suffered in my life
till then, the pattern of it, and spoke to God and said
"I am tired of learning from pain and sadness!! If I am the co-creator of
my own life as I was told in the light, then I want to learn from happiness
and joy! Show me the way!!" And felt a resonance that I had been heard by
the Cosmos, and it would be so..
Years of chaos followed, as I tried to come to terms with the experience
with no outside guidance, and fell flat on my face repeatedly trying to
make the Light, serve *my* needs.. it wasn't gonna..:) It wasn't gonna
help me sell encyclopedias, or be an actress, or sell advertising or
insurance or any of a dozen other commission sales jobs that were all I was
qualified for.. it was marginally in favor of my being a freelance artist,
instead, and provided me with Improv outlets, but not enough to keep me off
welfare.
Gradually I learned to align myself with It's will, instead.. and *It*
drew me to start working with the Earth energy as well, and it brought me
into the BDSM scene.. and to Chacmool and Endorphin Shamanism. Imagine
my surprise when the Light was enthusiasticly supportive of me becoming a
Professional Dominatrix. Huh? It took Goddess 8 months to persuade me that
spanking men for money was a worthwhile activity that served the highest
good of all concerned.
Before that, I shared your attitude, Maureen. I can appreciate where you
are coming from..
In 20/20 hindsight, it was that declaration, demanding to learn from
joy, that eventually led me 3 (?) years later, to the BDSM world, to
Chacmool, to discover my shadow-side and pick up the Shamanic training I'd
interrupted with childhood prayers. To learn the secret of pleasure in pain
and bliss thru subjugation of the ego.
Till then I was on a sky path.. I could bliss out in the light, and
bring it down to share. It was when I demanded to bring the bliss of Heaven
fully into my everyday world, that I was sent to walk in the darkness,
roleplay the abuser of the abuses I'd suffered and a number of very
creative new ones I'd never thought of... and learn to see the light in it.
I had hated every speck of humilation and abuse I'd suffered, my whole
life.. the dream at age 9 that is a major touch stone for me now, had BDSM
elements that had horrified me as a child observing, and altho the future
had fascinated the child, because she had never dreamt she would be so
loved... the idea of becoming someone who appreciated watching someone
being tied up and bullwhipped, as happened in the dream, made me think I'd
be a crazy woman when I grew up. Yeah, and mebbie she was right, too.. :)
So, Maureen, I can appreciate your insistence that endorphins and
Spirit is Separate.. I used to think so, too, when I was on a sky-path.
Yet I was meeting people who wanted to experience those same awful
activites, despreately because they found them blissful, and when they got
thier needs met everything in their life got better. I figgered they must
know something I didn't... :) I knew some things they didn't.. sharing info
was a win-win. They recieved acceptance and grew self esteem.
It was seeing how being owned, made them grow that helped me to come to
terms with what was being asked of me. Once I got past that, there were
plenty of carrots.. I got to experiement on people who liked it, to learn
about myself. Additionally, I finally got off welfare and earned enough $$
to move a step up Maslow's hierarchy and have real time for meditation and
spiritual pursuits.
When I first got into it, I felt very polarized.. I felt like 2 people.
Like there was a spiritual part of me that was light and nice and a sadist
Dom part of me that was dark and not-nice but very popular, and they were
separate..
I worked consciously to integrate the two sides, "Acts of love and
pleasure serve", and Chacmool's training continued. I still had kind of a
snob attitude separating BDSM from Spirit even tho I was consciously using
my telepathy and empathy in scene... and I remember giving a nasty lecture
to a slave who wanted to roleplay me enslaving him with Magic, as a
badwitch, about how that would be sacrelige.. :) Strong reactions showing
my own issues to be released.
With my personal slaves (not-clients) I tended to counsel and play
"spiritual tutor", as well as Mistress... the polarities were starting to
meld. I had a disagreement with the President of the National Leather
Association, who didn't like it when I taught workshops and people started
asking me questions about energy.. So in Jan., 96 I started a new group
that met once a month to play with BDSM Sex Magick, called the Tribe of the
Fire Serpent.
One night while playing past life games with 2 slaves, I asked "who am
I?" and fell into the Self... Starry infinite Divine blackness that said it
was Me.. all that Is.. and I could not comprehend it.
That was early spring of 1996, before I joined the list.. but I learned
to draw it into myself and pulled it up out of curiosity a week later with
a new houseboy whom I now call druid kneeling at my feet.
He saw it in my eyes and gasped "Goddess!" before falling down trembling
with kriyas. he'd recognised it, yet I hadn't figgered it out yet myself. I
was still going thru the lists of Goddesses trying to find the one that was
infinite, and nameless dark void.. ROTFLOL~~ !! I was not comfortable with
"nameless".
A few months later, I discovered that I'd been accidentally awakening my
Pro Dom clients for I dunno how long.
They had always said my sessions were unusally intense, and amazing but
I had already learned not to take the flattery of roleplay seriously, so I
figgered I was just good at my job and didn't pay much attention. oops.
This caused a huge crisis of conscience (all those accidental awakenings
of unsuspecting clients! Eeeeeeeeek! ) I had to take 18 months off work
sorting myself out and realigning my perceptions. Finally I realized that
awakening is too important an event to ever be an "accident".. there are no
"accidents"..
Since I had not been awakening them deliberately, Goddess had been
working thru me for Her own purposes.. and that made me delve more deeply
into what that purpose was. The results, are the Goddess Worshipping Tantra
course I am creating. A Middle path, not exclusively Earth or Sky, but both
together, like the Grounding. This version of the course actually, won't go
into endorphins very much, coz it is being streamed from Canada and we
don't want to collide with the censorship guidelines.
Sky-path, you describe a linearity.. energy coming to the root and back
up and out.. Been there done that.. Yet below the root is a whole other
system, that is a reflection of the chakra system above it. The Grounding
describes the center of the Earth as the lowest Chakra, and the Sun as
highest. I describe the light as moving between Earth and sun, but I also
describe it as "an egg of light on an infinite thread of light, with energy
moving both directions".
It is infinite becuse it is made ito a circle by opening the portal to the
void at both ends.. The ends are joined, the serpent bites it's tail. The
center of the Earth and the center of the Sun both contain a portal to the
void.. which unifies them into a loop, a repeating rainbow circle. As
above, so below. Go up OR down, go thru the light, come out in the void. At
the center of Hell, is a portal to Paradise. Go up, see spirit and physical
as separate. Go down, and it is all Goddess.
I was rhapsodizing to you recently about the velvet blackness of
Goddess.. you wanted more, but my cup had poured out.. I recently explained
it a bit more clearly to one of my Priestesses.. not much more clearly, the
learning is experiental, and she is near graduation, so the explanation
is partly telepathic, but I'll share it anyhow.
>>>>>> Yes.. the rainbow of the chakras makes a color wheel, as above so
below. Oroborus. The serpent bites it's tail, the end and the beginning
join to make a loop.
What we call "dark" is filled with ultraviolet and infrared.. radiation,
radio waves... frequencies of light that human eyes cannot percieve..
unless we persistently seek silver linings, with faith and eyes that see
perfection.
That is a linear explanation.. but the center is the Heart.. and the
heart holds a fractal of the universe.. so as above, so below.. time and
space do not exist so the universe is beyond our linear ideas.. but if you
understand the loop, then when you take on somebody else's blockages and
get cut off from the higher chakras wisdom, you can dive into the center of
the Earth to clear them... or into your own heart.
>Priestess Starhawk wrote:
>I saw this the same way I
>see the rest of the stuff, third-eye. So I was arguing
>inside myself, that's not how she describes it in the
>grounding routine. I see a loop, not a back and forth
>thing.
>Then I read the chakra transcript and there's the
>second loop I've been seeing.
Yes. The grounding excercise is simplistic. A linear analogy for linear
minds that are just learning to open to a wider view. Effective, tho.. and
there are many Yogis who do not see the loop.. often because of thier
resistance to the content of the lower chakras. They do not get enough of
the curve to know that it is part of a circle.. like people who thought the
Earth was flat because no-one had circumnavigated the globe. LOL!! An
apropos insight for american Thanksgiving. Most folks move upwards to seek
light.. but when I was 2 years old, I knew our Mother was the Light under
the ground. Couldn't reach Her tho, till I had been trained by the Light
above..
Hmm.. consider Dante's inferno.. Hell is designed like an onion.. the
rings of Hell, for various "sins", are the fun house mirrors of chapel
perilous where karmic attachments are reflected to become prisons of fear
like the one I yanked J. out of.... and at the center, a marriage bed with
the Divine, that is a portal to Paradise. go into the light to find the
dark, the level above Heaven is All that Is, Kether, the Godhead... or go
onto the dark underground, to find the light in the center of the Earth and
the portal.
In the shadowland of Hades, even hope, shows it's reflection, duality as
fear of the future. S. calls it the "ugly mirror".. Armand/Lucifer has
been making her look in it a lot, lately. He is King of that place.
"Better a slave in Heaven than King of Hell"..but if Goddess tells me,
Her slave to go be King of Hell and escort a lost traveller, to Her feet, I
do.
Back to the rainbow analogy.
When there are double rainbows, in the sky, the second one is a mirror
reflection of the first.. colors are in the opposite order... with a space
between and on either side, of the light we can't see... infrared,
ultraviolet.. And a Rainbow is made by White Light hitting transparent
matter.. water droplets. We are mostly made of water.
One linear analogy of the underworld, is that the rings of hell leading
to the fiery crystal heart of the Mother are arranged in the opposite order
of the chakras, with infrared radio waves, the world invisible, at your
tingly feet. Like a mountain with the sun shining above it, reflected in
water. Double rainbow.. the energy moves both ways, in the grounding... 8
is the symbol for infinity.. the spine is an arc of the Oroborus circle,
and the Grail ritual completes the arc.
I am not sure if I am putting this well into words, I trust Shakti to
carry the message so you can grok it.
There are two serpents on the cadeuceus of the K. .. remember Dan's
animations of the double spiral of the Grail that is an infinite fractal
where the two spirals begin?
Deosil and widdershins, counterclockwise and clockwise spin. Trace the
serpents up thier spiral, go one direction, trace them downward, and spin
the other direction.. Go onto the Earth to find peace, go into the Sun to
find joy..yet peace and joy both are in both places..
They are a reflection of each other, made of the same gas cloud. Earth
took on matter and hid it's fire secret, in it's center so it could give
birth to living creatures, on the surface of it's inside-out womb. The Sun
stayed radiant to fertilise with light. The center of the Sun is dark, the
center of the Earth is light. They spin around each other in the slow
spiral dance of the solar system, a Tao. Each contains a portal to the
Void, which completes the circle.
Thus, the rainbows reflection moves into fractals even further.
The Sun is male and the Earth is Fem, wand of light Lingham and secret
Yoni.. yet the sun itself is also inside the womb of the Great Mother Void
as are all of the stars and Galaxies. It's a fractal. That void is the
same, between stars and between subatomic particles. The sacred space where
creation happens.. the inside-out Womb of the Mother. Velvet blackness
sprinkled with the starry lights of Shiva's sperm.. the sparks of thought
before they have taken form, in the mind, before they have taken on
emotions or images or words.. and the void itself is the dreamtime, the
eternal place that existed before creation: The space where creation
happens, Goddess' womb.
What Dan Winter says about how turning "inside out" was the first move
you ever made..? A fractal of creation. An egg turns inside out when it has
been fertilised, just like you would turn a sock inside out, then it
starts to divide. This is a fractal of the Original Separation. Goddess
becomes two so She can Know herself, and have something to love. "One is
the lonliest number", so She made the illusions of us, separate to be able
to love Herself.
The egg turns inside out and divides, the two new cells are mirror copies
of the other, like the mountain and the reflection. Like the double
rainbows.. What was inside is now outside.. the universe you live in is
reflected in your heart, and the Grail ritual and the lingam of light makes
it turn inside out... Sacred mariage, give away your heart and Goddess
gives back better... so that you feel all of creation dances to the same
pulsing sine wave, as the Universe makes love to itself.
Male carry yx.. male and fem.. sperm, like light, is androgyne.. The male
Sun radiates androgynous light that sparks male and fem seeds blooming on
the Earth, but it is the inside-out womb of the Earth that we live and die
on, all the while unborn and infinite, in the womb of the Great Mother..
which is also inside-out. The void is everywhere and no-where. When you
have accesed it thru both portals above and below, and can travel the
circle both ways, you are the portal, and can see the light, in everything.
The Fem is primary.. men have 1/2 x fem genes. Like in Jurrassic Park,
the all fem dinosaurs created males so they could procreate, coz Goddess
craves uniqueness... limitless manifestation.. otherwise we would all be
clones.
The original "birth" was "virgin".. Goddess the Void created her
Stag-King Horned thorn crowned Sun God of Light as sacrifice to creation
from the longing of emptiness, and the reflection of her own Divine beauty,
so limitless manifestation could allow Her to Know What She is... so She
could share love with the illusion of "Other" in limitless infinite
experiences of Being...
She does not judge what we do because EVERY experience is of value to
Her. Life is not about learning, except that learning is an experience.
Life is about experiences of love. In the end Dark Kali the void will eat
Shiva and his wand of light too. The star we call Sol will burn out and
die one day as must all physical things, but the Void is immortal and
unchanging.
Limitless manifestation, She is All that Is, and for every experience in
physical reality there must be polarized reflection... the shadow self, the
lake that reflects the mountain is the unconscious, "Underground". Hades.
The Portal Guardian Lucifer, the Ugly mirror that is fear of death keeps
you safe from crossing the boundary, going thru the portal until the body
has been sufficiently cleared of Karma to make it likely you can survive
the trip, and face the shadows that remain, in the "funhouse ugly mirrors"
of the unconscious.. what is clung to, what is unforgiven, makes the shadow
of separation.
To enter Eden (heaven on Earth) one must pass under the fiery sword,
and be without fear.. that means fearing Lucifer is a no-go. When one can
attain unconditional love for Lucifer, who is acting as ever in service to
Divine Will by manifesting as the portal Guardian reflecting our own
unforgiven Karma, then one passes into Eden, and there is trancendence of
separation between spirit and self.
>Now, when I say Mass, at different times
>I experience entering of the Holy Spirit.No, metal undies or tickling.
>(You guys must be lovin this and laughing HA!) Seriously, what I am
>trying to express is that since childhood I am aware of abuse,endorphin
>release, OBE, hysterical laughter and ascension of ones spirit and the
>descent of Holy Spirit. All I can say is, there is a difference.
Thankyou for expressing your experience. You precieve a difference,
and I agree sometimes these things can be separate.. but if you choose to
percieve them as unified, then they become unified, and it is blissful.
> I will
>also share as I did,I believe last November when my Bishop was out here
>and we did a Confirmation that I and another lady who attended began
>levitating.
KEWL!!!!!!
> My mind raced to reading about the positive
>aspiration of ones spirit that physically uplifts it in a positive
>attraction to its Source and the sorcerer who does the same in a
>repulsing off the earth.
LOL!! Dualities.. :) But it is the same, isn't it, if you insist that
Spirit is not of the Earth. God-dess is all that is, so if you are seeing
someplace that spirit is not, it is really not, or are you not percieving it?
Like that corny "footsteps in the sand" poem. Just because you cannot
see it, does not mean that it is not there.
>How could I deserve this? Dither time again.Oh
>yeah, giggling. I don't get it. I had wonderful fun raising my second
>daughter,Autumn, who adored being tickled and when my hands wore out she
>would continue herself. I agree that at a certain point she would not
>have felt the difference if I had smacked her but Spirit? Just fun times
>I think.
She felt loved. It made her happy, she felt good, that is why you did
it. Mother Goddess that you are, it puzzles me that you cannot see the
dazzling radiant light in it. Mebbie you don't get it coz you are too
humble, I dunno..
It's beautiful. Joyful radiant love, light and laughter, Goddess is in
the house. You don't feel anything enter you, because it's already there,
invisible as Mother's love. Who are you, when you were loving your daughter
by tickling her? Who are you, when you love? Where does the love come from,
if not spirit?
When you act with love in service to Other, tickling your daughter into
giddiness because it makes her feel loved, you are Being Goddess. Not what
comes in, what you Are. Where 2 or more are gathered in acts of love and
pleasure, She is There. She is Us, loving each other.
Not separate. Fundamental.
Sharing love by tickling, was a way to build in her the self love and
self esteem for her to beleive she is worthy of the Holy spirit. Life goes
easier when you feel good, feel loved. It's fundamental to the design of
the vessel. Humans need to touch each other. 2 hugs a day for good mental
health.
>~~*+M~*
> That there is endorphin release, yes I believe one must achieve other
>and purer levels to have the Holy Spirit come and reside. I never
>percieved of the "Great Paraclete, The Comforter" as a chemical release
>in the brain.The only reason I say this is because I have experienced it
>and I also have experienced the Arrival and descent and they are not the
>same.
I have felt them separately, so I know where you are coming from, but
these days there is nothing that I see that is not Spirit. Spirit doesn't
come and go, it just IS. The rainbow of the chakras is a circle and there
is no separation.
(And believe me I joined this list one and a half years ago and
>have talked privately with Angelique about this and have devoted many
>hours to the url's she was kind enough to direct me to.) This is a
>serious matter for me.
It is, and I celebrate your willingness to open to the ideas, and keep
beating your head on the "fuzzy wall" till it makes sense.. thankyou for
honoring me with your attention.
>Thanking you for your time and input,
>+ Maureen
>
You are Welcome! Blessings..
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