To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/12/06 16:30
Subject: Re: [K-list] Re: Another poll. Samadhi
From: Wim Borsboom
On 1999/12/06 16:30, Wim Borsboom posted thus to the K-list:
Dear El,
Why do I write the way I do. Am getting a bit leary of deliberations,
discussions, explanations, speculations... the 'why's and 'how come's.
El, I loved this, your post below, got me to remember, a wish to log some
more experiences. Why... so that someone may know. So that someone may
recognize. So that no-one will be fearful...
Noticed from your post that you are a 'she'. Funny how I did not deduce that
earlier. Well, what about gender eh?
Just a thought coming up here: do not take it too seriously...,
"If one is a man one attempts to find a woman and become one, and if one is
a woman one tries to find a man and become one. It's the oneness that counts
not what gender one is coming from. "
El wrote:
>... it occurred to me that a near death experience I had at
>age 18 (from a close-to-successful suicide attempt) might qualify as a
>consciousness devoid-of-content Samadhi experience. I went into a realm of
>utter blackness. There was nothing foreboding or cold about it; it was an
>infinite formless realm of perfect tranquility. This was the most profound
>peace I've ever experienced in this lifetime ...(X)..I was lucid during the
entire
>experience and knew that my body was dying. ....(X)... I was so
>detached and peaceful, I was completely content to die, and equally content
>to be resuscitated. Neither made a different from that plane of awareness.
This may be off topic as far as Samadhi is concerned... but then...
I've gone through seven near deaths, and quite a few more experiences where
I practised daringly to get very close to it (stopping just in time so to
say). The first one of them happened very early in my life, when I must have
been less than half a year old. The memory is actually quite neat and
pretty, ferry tale like, happy and joyful. Maybe more about that later. The
4 following occurrences were very disturbing, cosmic forlornness, absolutely
terrifying for the little person I was. These happened before I was 6 or 7
years old. The second to last one happened while I was in Holland some years
ago, where I strong-willedly tried to make it... or actually... tried not to
make it. My medical friends say that I possibly suffer from sleep apnia,
which may very well be true, whatever. It seems that I can willingly,
without suicidal intent, get very close to my expiration date :-)
That time, about 5 years ago..., I will try to translate the dynamics of
that expiration attempt into terms that are somewhat recognizable by living
physical beings. That time, about 5 years ago..., this was a few weeks after
a six hour bout with intensely hot and vibrant ecstasy and rapture,
in-pouring of Holy Spirit "stuff". That time then, about 5 years ago, I had
just made it through a particular type of tunnel, not a long tunnel, just a
strong elongated constriction and a 'flop out' after that constriction.
Then... tumblingly, jumpingly, hoppingly, flyingly... I could transmit
myself through extra dimensions into, it seems, more condensed energetic
states of being. Imagine an extremely large, very complex spherical
wireframe-like structure, geometric shapes embedded inside geometric shapes,
within geometric shapes and so on ad infinitum. Now imagine the ribs of each
of these shapes to be connected to any other rib and imagine them
connections to be made out of pure energy, rays of the strongest (ultra)
violet shimmering light. Imagine those ribs to be stringlike, strings that
would warp, tense up and release, twist and unfurl as one would traverse
through and along them. I could propel my energetic sense, (I was no more
than that) further and deeper and more "inner-most". An extremely happy
expectation developed in the core of my being, this time I was going to be
able to totally condense myself into the greatest concreteness possible...
ready for that intuited implosion into the...
Then the frame-like structure started to evaporate and some "agency of
agents", some en-souled lump of energy veered into my direction... I sensed
a three-ness to it... Had experienced that three-some before, when I was 20
years old, spaced out on the moors close to that monastic compound where I
lived at the time. Then I named them/it a divine protostructure... Well,
what did I know then..., what do I know now...? At this point I recognized
an angelic-ness to the three-some, also a playful naughtiness. I get the
sense of a cosmic ball game, and I was the ball... I definitely experienced
soccer ball-like pentagon/hexagon patches in and throughout myself and I am
playfully being kicked about, with a sense of, "Hey you kid, go back to
where you came from."
Oh no, no 'Saint Peter at the Heavenly Gates' kind of thing, no judgement or
anything, just a strong admonition to NOT try to play around with them and
try make it through. I tried it anyways. You know me by now. Had been there
before, my escape manoeuvres were uncannily swift and fast. At points the
three-some seemed to lose track of me in the hidden dimensional nooks that I
was able to concoct. But the three-some kept popping up... A strong
earth-life memory returned to me... I was being mocked... I attempted to
transpose the mockery onto the three-some... maybe I could lay blame, maybe
I could claim that some unfair judgment was taking place ... claim that
judgement is not part of this divine game of compassion... No judgement is
allowed here, I knew that for sure... The soccer game intensifies with quite
some humour. I get kicked about with masterful passes from one of the
three-some to another one of the three-some. ....I feel myself tumbling back
through some expanse that starts taking on the characteristics of age and
heaviness. A sadness floods through me, engulfs me, an immense dread and
weeping... I could not meet up with my beloved again. My love, my love, who
understands and knows me most... Oh my dear...
My wife is tugging at me, we are in this bed of my brother in law, this
strange Dutch house, she is pulling my extremities, pounding my body,
calling my name, Wim... Wim... what is this?... don't go... stay, stay... I
come to... I weep and sob for hours...
The seventh near death! And... the following may sound strange (if the
previous did not :-), after the seventh occurrence I am still not sure what
THIS is. Is this life's condition as it used to be, or some enhanced
beingness that is traditionally called heavenly or something? Do we, CAN we
actually know whether this is life or after-life...or whatever? This attempt
at realizing is so freeing, humorously comical, really. I remember having
'howled' with rambunctious laughter on that hill by the beaver lake close to
our house. The echo of that cosmic mirth being responded to by the
see-gulls, hawks, ravens... an helicopter too actually! Canadian geese
flying over... them honking... me laughing. And I laugh, I laugh and laugh
still !!!
The seventh death, I am in Denver in a plush hotel, just a week after the
school-shooting there this year. The clients that I saw at the convention
centre were devastated and intent on healing, long days of meeting beautiful
people who were intent on making a difference, "For once, fore ever, no more
school slaughter." I met a young lady, the most wonderful and rare aura,
purplish blue, Krishna, fully expanded and filled out. No need to counsel
her! ... Just asked her to sit on the floor with me and I listen to the
beauty of her voice and truth...
Back in the hotel at night, an intense peace, am in bed. A siren goes off
loudly and alarmingly, I walk up to the large window, topfloor...I listen...
memories (last year of the second world war, I am so little) I look ou...
Eventually I come to (if that is what it should be called), exuberantly, a
different part of the hotel. Early morning hours. Oh, how I love life.
Something happened, feel that I should be disoriented but am not. Something
happened, something must have happened... What clarity, happy to be...
Flashes of memory return...reverse order. Am happiness only, am bliss only,
am glorious, I am lucidity, clarity... AM... ... ... Am returning the
contents of my memories back to some organized timeline, the thousands of
friends I got to know, the gratitudes, the graces, the ... circumstances.
The playful dynamics of life's happenstance. Getting them organized again
into game sets and childhood plays. The inter-mingledness untangled. Am
returning the components of the universe back into some tidy and timely
order of place and human sense...
Am lucidity again... Am I now? Am I not? I laughingly say, "What is the
dif?" I returned to the beloved, returned with the beloved... memories do
not count nomore... "No place order in this play of cosmic mathematics!" I
think aloud, silly thoughts. Love, no timeline to keep up, no rules to play
by, no relationships to maintain... just be... be... be...
Hours of lucidity... the dynamics of love...
Wim
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