To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/12/03 19:45
Subject: Re: [K-list] Accidents
From: Jenell
On 1999/12/03 19:45, Jenell posted thus to the K-list:
Mystress Angelique Serpent wrote:
>
>
> Afterwards, I felt like a Buddha. In a serene state of no-thought,
> peaceful and detached in quiet bliss like I had never felt before. I had
> been fighting with my boyfriend, before I burnt the wart off, and
> afterwards he could not get a rise out of me.. I was seeing thru his
> efforts at manipulation, from the witness state without judging him, and
> thus was immune to them. He was freaked out by the whole thing, that I
> would have the guts to do it..
>
> This part of your post touches on something I'm very much having to deal with. My strong full awakening was about 4 yrs ago, and the effects along the line you note here are having effect on relationships with others. Now, with my 'best' relationships, where there was never any manipulation or control issues either way or selfish goals of any great extent to begin with, it hasn't much changed them, a few seem better. but in others, where there is that kind of thing present, things are really being affected. Those people, no longer able to get the reactions out of me they once did, their feelings of loosing power over me they once felt they had, are becoming serious sources of difficulties in my life. Peripheral people, I quickly broke contact with, but some closer, isn't that easy. Now, when I say their feelings of power, I mean that they have felt it so, I have always been aware of what it was about, what I did for them I would do without any coercion, but I realize they th!
!
ink their controlling stuff, mainly using acting mad and upset at me thinking it will make me feel guilty, feel obligated to them, 'sorry' I upset them, etc, was giving them a 'hold' on me. I.E., they have worked to try to make me insecure, then try to convince me I 'need' them.
the effect of my now being so calm and unaffected, is that their efforts
are getting stronger, trying still to get what they used to, and of
course, now it doesn't. I've tried to talk to both the main ones
involved, find a way to defuse what is fast headed toward a situation in
wich I have no choice but to break these relationship entirely, has
failed, the idea is simply beyond their ability to understand, I think.
I can't seem to even get them to recognize and understad what this is
they are doing, what it is about, really. Both these people are very
emotionally 'needy' people, they 'need' me I am important to their sense
of security, but neither can handle the thought of loosing that false
sense of their being able to hold onto me through their own power in
this way. But the more unaffected i am the worse they are getting, and
the closer they are pushing me to HAVING to make that kind of choice, to
remove them from my life. And the irony is that the very thing they fear
happening, the reason they are getting worse, is the very thing they are
pushing toward happening.
Any thoughts on how to handle such matters?
Jenell
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