To: K-list
Recieved: 1999/08/09 14:04
Subject: [K-list] Yet another introduction (aka: The Autistic Invasion :
From: Muskie
On 1999/08/09 14:04, Muskie posted thus to the K-list:
Hello! "A new list member"> told me about this list.
I'm just short of 42 years old, and yet another autistic.
Similar to ["new list member"]-- and in fact similar to *many* autistics though
it's something we're usually afraid to talk about-- I had weird
experiences from an early age (my earliest memories of this date to
at *least* before the age of 6, I can tell from where the events
occurred).
In my case the usual pattern was: I'd think about something
interesting to me (my favorite pastime...) like math or physics or
ethics, or become deeply involved in writing, and my thoughts would be
unusually clear. Then, I'd feel a kind of peaceful feeling, and then
I'd be hit with an awful terror, a fear of annihilation, and the
presence of what I called "dark thing". Dark thing had a low hum to
it.
These incidents would occur in clusters, perhaps every day or every
other day for two or three months. I called the clusters "reruns"
(you're expecting sophisticated neologisms from a 6 year old? :-)).
During a rerun I'd just shut down-- I don't know how else to
describe it-- in fact I often wasn't even able to read. Yet after a
rerun I felt renewed, full of fresh ideas, etc. I had no idea what to
make of this. In my generation high functioning autistics were usually
diagnosed "schizophrenic", and so the reruns were interpreted in the
context of schizophrenia. But it puzzled and frustrated me. How could
something that started good and ended good have so awful a middle?
To make a loooooong story short, I did eventually on my own
discover what all this was about (a bit of a surprise for a
rational/freethought/materialist type :-)). Reruns aren't a part
of my life anymore. If I had to describe the mechanism behind "dark
thing" and "reruns" and (for lack of a better word-- I
*really* feel uncomfortable using this word) "enlightenment", I'd
most naturally do it in a western philosophical framework. But over
the years I did occasionally run into references to kundalini, and
even a few descriptions very much similar to my "reruns", and
recognized it as another angle on the same thing.
When [ ]came to an autism IRC channel I co-manage, I recognized
the nature of what she was talking about right away. I've been
talking with her off an on, trying to understand what's been going on
with her (it's not quite the same as my experience, and I have only
my experience as a reference), and mentioning that I had heard of
other accounts of this kind of problem, though I would have to do
some research to find them again. But she beat me to the research,
and found the websites and this mailing list :-)
I don't usually talk about these things, at all, but right now the
topic seems to be exploding into my life. It's the subject of a thread
on a private autism e-mail list (I'm going to add my "me too" post in
that thread after I finish with this), and I've been trying to decide
what to say and how much to say in an autobiographical piece I'm
writing for a developmental psychologist (I can't write an
autobiography and omit the central defining events of my life; at the
same time I'm not sure I want to be talking about this. But I guess
now is the right time *shrug*).
On a completely irrelevant note: milk-free diets are already very
common for autistic kids (the study seems to be lagging behind
practice by a number of years), and they haven't eliminated autism.
This is fortunate-- I'm lactose intolerant and don't drink the stuff,
and I'd hate to have to give up my autism along with the dairy :-)
You see, while *medicine* thinks autism is a "disorder", many,
perhaps most, autistics see it as a gift.
---
Laura A. Tisoncik muskie on IRC
muskieATnospamgrrltalk.net tisoncikATnospamautistics.org
webmasterATnospamgrrltalk.net webmasterATnospamautistics.org
DISCLAIMER!
Home | Archive Index | Search the archives | Subscribe
K. List FAQ | Kundalini FAQs | Signs and Symptoms | Awakening Experiences | K. list Polls | Member Essays | Meditations | List Topics | Art Gallery | Cybrary | Sitemap | Email the moderators.
symbol.